to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

Wow! You fly there spent all that money. Main wedding party bigger off to secret meal goodness knows where. You then have to find something to do for the afternoon then possible new outfit then find secret location on your own for few hours...
Sounds like they don't want people to actual come!

Can understand excluding numbers from meal because of expenses but if your paying £800 to go!

Enjoy your new car. Make sure you wrap it up for yourself.

She sounds deluded.

We're going to a wedding abroad this summer which is costing us about £1000 and we can't get out of it as DP is one of the best men. I wouldn't mind so much but I hate the heat and it's going to be about 30C and the wedding isn't until 6pm so we're essentially forking out a grand for about 5 hours of actual wedding!

Definitely don't go, it's ridiculous you're not invited for the whole thing!

What are you supposed to do for the 5 hours between ceremony and evening do? Ridiculous and rude to invite people in this way.

'You're invited to see us get married, but you're not being fed afterwards, it would be too expensive. Oh and then you can come to part of the party, but we want you to piss off two hours before it ends because we want the last part to spend time with people we actually like.'

Sign me up!

That's crap - enjoy the new car!!

How are they going to get the 11:00 only crowd to leave so the rest can carry on until 1? .

What an ignorant rude bridezilla! Glad to hear you're not going. Enjoy shopping for your new car. I wouldn't even send the miserable cow a gift either. If you are feeling generous, send a card but I don't think there's any need to do that either since she has been so rude.

Oh God,math at sounds too grim! Don't go. Spend the cash on yourself.

I've heard of people being invited to the ceremony and the evening do before, but excluded from the wedding breakfast. I guess feeding people a three course meal is the most expensive bit, so cutting down on guests here means they can get more gifts without paying for people's dinner ensure they stick to their budget. It's a shitty way to do things though, even if the wedding is being held right around the corner, let alone expecting people to take time out of their lives and pay to fly overseas.

Not if I'd always wanted to see the country it's in and if I had infinite funds would I be replying 'yes' to that invite. The cheek! Enjoy the new car

The leaving at 11 bit when the wedding finishes at 1, will the guests be given coloured wristbands a la the swimming baths so they know who's time is up and needs turfing out?!

I guess they'll get whoever is enforcing the 'no cameras/no mobile phones' rule to throw us out.

Now, I love a wedding (waits to be thrown off mumsnet) and I'd turn up to the opening of an envelope if I thought I'd get a glass of wine and a dance out of it - and even I'm thinking 'bugger that for a game of soldiers'

£800 to go to 5 hours of a wedding, and not even get a dinner out of it.
Nay chance.

Seriously 'no cameras/no mobile phones'?! Enjoy spending the £800 on something fun.

I reckon that they are not even bothering to tell you the location now so you can't figure out that you will need to take a cab for 40 miles into the middle of no-where, and back again.

Decline politely would be my advice also. If any enquiries are made later I would simply say that I didn't feel able to spend such a significant sum attending parts of an event at an unknown location and felt it was better to decline early so an invite could be extended to a wealthier mug elsewhere, rather than cancel at the last minute because of unforeseen costs.

Sounds like a fairly typical European wedding invite. We lived in Belgium and France for a number of years and usually the format of the day was - wedding ceremony, then drinks reception for everyone for a bit, then everyone except close family leave, they take photos and do something or other and everyone comes back at 7 or 8 ish for the meal and dancing. So it's quite common to have a gap in the middle but usually you know other people at the wedding so you just hang out together or go to a bar and get sozzled.

However, if your friend is inviting lots of people from the UK she needs to explain this to guests and the idea of keeping the location of the reception secret until the actual day is ridiculous if you don't know whether there will be food or not.

Why why why do sooooo many people turn into absolute tossers when they plan a wedding?

No phones?!

So you're good enough to pay a load of wedge to go see them getting wed in another country, but not good enough to attend the entire thing?

Screw that, I'm out.

Fuck that.

I've heard of people being invited to ceremony but not reception, but what is the having to leave at 11 although it goes on until 1 thing all about? Very odd. I'd be most put out.

I can only think that they've laid on transport home for people and have to do several runs, so some people have to leave at 11, 12, 1 etc

Also by the time you've got an outfit, present, accommodation etc it'll cost a lot more than £800.

Make sure you buy them a gorgeous big gift box, massive bow on top....but with sweet FA inside. Part invite to a wedding abroad =part wedding gift.

No cameras or phones, presumably because they have an exclusive deal with OK magazine?
Self important loons.

I expect the evening reception is on a moored boat and at 11 the second tier guests leave whilst the first tier guests get taken for a moonlight cruise.

Ugh. Don't go and do tell her why. Bad manners are not acceptable.

Are you friends with a mega A Lister, Victor?