to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

[LeaLeander]

I figured that. A blatant ploy. Cull the guest list & send the second tier an invite no one in her right mind would accept; bride can be all guilt-free wide-eyed innocence "but we invited her!" and who knows maybe some in the second tier will even be sappy enough to send a gift.

ugh. Sorry you are dealing with this. Please keep us posted!

[expatinscotland]

'bride can be all guilt-free wide-eyed innocence "but we invited her!" and who knows maybe some in the second tier will even be sappy enough to send a gift. '


Bingo!

[Notso]

You should call her and say she must have made a mistake as you have seen grooms cousins invite and of course you will be delighted to join them for the whole thing.

[annandale]

'It certainly sounds like a good way to reduce your guest list, although it will also reduce your friendship circle at the same time.'

This. Not sure if a card or a card plus a £5 amazon voucher* would be more appropriate, because if you just send a card they might think the present had got lost.

*I would never have the balls to do this and would buy a bland vase from John Lewis as per.

[expatinscotland]

'because if you just send a card they might think the present had got lost.'

Why would they? Fuck it, I'd just send a card.

IKEA has beautiful vases for far cheaper than John Lewis, too.

[Kr1stina]

Did the invitation include a poem about money ?

< playing bridezilla bingo>

[Twinklestein]

Partial invites to things - weddings, parties, whatever - is one of my betes noires. I think it's such bad form.

Either invite people to everything or don't bother, but don't insult people by inviting them to bits. They either have to arrive after everyone else or leave before everyone else.

So rude.

And yes, in this case it's a ploy to say you were invited but chose not to come.

[TheSpottedZebra]

Could you text and say would love to come, I've not stayed out dancing 'til 1 am for a good few weeks but I can't wait to celebrate your future happiness with you?

Smoke her out.

[ChristmasEvePJs]

The bride sounds like a real charmer .

[GruntledOne]

I bet the reception is being held somewhere where you'll have to fork out another £100 for taxis.

[ElizabethG81]

I don't have any issue with just inviting people to the evening reception, that seems like a fairly usual thing to do. Inviting them to the ceremony, but not the meal, then to the reception, but you have to leave before the end - that is absolutely bat shit crazy. Reply to say you can't go and send her the cheapest looking card you can find.

[LagunaBubbles]

How exactly do you think they propose the 11pm mass throw out of guests? Hire a few bouncers who are used to dealing with people at pub chucking out time? And more important why on earth would anyone actually do this - reducing guests at this time won't save any money, just make your venue look emptier, the only thing it will reduce is the atmosphere!!

[StealthPolarBear]

[StealthPolarBear]

Laguna if you're not totally pissed and hear a bouncer telling someone else to leave, you'd leave too wouldn't you? It wouldnt occur to you you were on the special list. So they may well have a mass exodus before they do the wonderful thing they're doing at 11.

[LagunaBubbles]

I'm more of a "stay till the bitter end" type person!

[Gobbolino6]

I think just a card and a polite 'we can't make it' is fine in this case.

[Lweji]

How exactly do you think they propose the 11pm mass throw out of guests?

I suspect they intend to start a silent disco at that time, but only have headphones for a selected few and the rest will have no option but walk out or dance without music.

[Damselindestress]

You are not even invited to the whole evening event?! I have heard of only inviting guests to the evening do and not the formal reception and personally I'm not keen on it. I have never heard of only inviting guests to part of the evening reception! What would they have done if you had attended, kicked you out at 11 while the party was still going on? I think it's a particularly poor show to not invite guests to the whole event to save money while still expecting them to shell out £100s to attend since it's abroad. So hurtful to make it obvious that there is an A and B list of guests as well. Seems like she is just hoping you will send a present. I wouldn't unless it's an etiquette book.

[Pooseyfrumpture]

I would love to know what is going to happen at 11pm. Is someone going to walk around with a clipboard and if your name is not on the list you get kicked out?

Or do you get different coloured wrist bands and at 11 pm the DJ will ask everyone with green wrist bands to leave?

[DickDewy]

No way would I go. She has effectively told you you're low on her pecking order.

I particularly dislike the 'come to the ceremony' and then sod off bit. Why? To bump up the numbers in the church?

It's downright rude.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

They have a secret ending to their 'unplugged' wedding? How strange, I have never heard of some guests being told they need to leave two hours before the favoured ones depart.


Oh. I wonder.
(Thinks back to weddings I've attended).

[QueenStromba]

We had a family only ceremony on the Friday and the party on the Saturday as that seemed like the least stressful option. One of our friends flew in from Hong Kong so we put him up, had him at the ceremony (he was one of five guests) and did our best to make sure that he didn't put his hand in his pocket the whole time he was here. We'd have paid something towards his flights too if he'd let us. Fuck having someone come half way round the world to be there and not inviting them to the whole thing.

[PegsPigs]

See now you have to go if only to tell us what happens at 11pm when your invite expires!

[Damselindestress]

Serving late-night snacks to guests at a wedding reception is becoming more popular, I wonder if they are doing something like that and thinning the numbers first to save money?