to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

What the actual fuck?? I'm picturing the lights coming up and the 11pm people do the walk of shame out of the venue. No way would I go.

Fucking hate weddings even when they're straightforward church weddings 2 miles up the road and back to a hotel for a meal affairs (she says as she stares at the save the date fridge magnet that's arrived today for her husband's obnoxious nephew's wedding 200 miles away this Summer).

It's also inconsiderate of them not to tell you the reception venue, since if you did attend then you would be stranded in a strange place with several hours to kill in between the ceremony and the evening reception and would need to know the location to plan your itinerary and activities. It doesn't seem like they have thought this through or thought about the comfort or convenience of their guests.

Depending on where it was, I'd love an invite like this. However it would have to be somewhere like central Rome so I could bugger off and sightsee, and I'd need to know at least when to be back at my hotel for the reception.

Given how unlikely that is, I wouldn't go to your friend's wedding either!

It's completely normal where I am to invite some people (colleagues, friends of parents, neighbours etc) to just the afters (evening do), and no-one is offended by this. BUT you don't invite them to the ceremony, you don't expect anyone to travel far for an afters invite, and you certainly don't invite overseas guests to the afters!

Can you send half of a wedding card as you are only invited to half the wedding day?

I am so bloody intrigued as to what's Happening after 11!!!

"Mine is more like a paper party invite."

She absolutely does not expect you to accept and, worse, doesn't care either way if you do or don't.

I still think just a card, declining and sending best wishes, but definitely no gift ... though on second thoughts ... you could perhaps send a beautifully wrapped (Ikea) picture frame, having first mounted a poem in it.

Perhaps this >>>>

Thank you for the invitation
To a bit of your wedding day
But 800 pounds of flights, and more
Is just too much to pay

For those 5 hours of twilight time
after main guests have had their meal
Tho' we 'early evening' guests must go
Before the party starts for real

I know before the afternoon
I would see your vows being said
But what to do 'till my next bit
Could hardly pop home to bed

To go so far for this 5 hour 'slot'
Many people might feel fair
But in any case I couldn't come
It's the day I wash my hair!

Great poem dish!!

It's hell no on Every level to the invite!!

TheSecondViola - that's how I've always known it to be. People you're not so close to just get invited to the evening reception. I remember years ago when the local paper used to have wedding announcements there was always a line at the end which said "All friends welcome at the church", so people could go and watch the ceremony without being invited to the meal immediately afterwards but that would just be meant for neighbours, work colleagues etc - certainly not someone who'd spent £800 on flights!!

Before you answer, give her a ring and make absolutely sure you have not misunderstood.

Agree Herrerarerra and TheSecondViola - it's not an issue here either (although not with weddings which are held in opposite ends of the country or abroad obviously)

Only read first 2 pages. Lolling at crowd funding the trip so we can find out what happens - they will be pretty clandestine updates since no phones allowed!

Op, I think I'd call someone on that invitation to be honest. I would have to say to then this is daft, have you thought about the logistics of this, etc.

What happens at 11pm? Swingers party, innit.

Lucky escape, OP!

God that is awful.

I have never entirely forgiven my friend for how she acted to me and DH the day before her wedding. It was in Australia so only her family, her best friend from uni (who was her bridesmaid) and me and DH could get there. It cost us a LOT of money and we left our two young kids for 2 weeks to be there for her. Firstly she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid (ok fair enough) but when her actual bridesmaid had some issues a few months before and might not have been able to make it she said could I step in if she didn't manage to make it. Then when we arrived we went to say hello and 30 mins later she said oh you need to go as we are all having dinner together (inc the bridesmaid) . I thought it was bloody rude that we travelled 12000 miles and weren't important enough to have dinner with. I hardly spent anytime with her on the wedding day (of course). We had a lovely holiday and saw other friends who lived nearby but still...

I went to a silent disco on a cruise. It was so much fun! DD2 loved it, too.

OK look.

We are up to just under 200 replies. If we all chip in a fiver you can go on us and tell us in detail how the day goes...

Please...

I suppose at least the upside is you haven't spent any money on it yet op.

Hate this wedding nonsense. I don't know why weddings seem to give people licence to behave like total idiots. Your friend is rude and totally U.

I am bridesmaid for my friend later this year. She tired to insist that we stay overnight at her wedding venue at a cost of £300 while forgetting that we also had flights to pay for. Her logic was that she was paying for my dress so I was attending the wedding on the cheap. I've just booked a hotel 10mins away for a fraction of the cost.

least grooms friend also wasnt told the location

is the B&G famous?

ive rtft :) but didnt see a country, where is wedding as £800 flights sounds insane, let alone no being fed and being told to bugger off at 11pm

btw, i did a wedding creche at a silent disco, was so funny watching pissed stoned people sway to the music we couldnt hear

wedding was in a field

Hate all that shit. Either invite me to your wedding or don't. Don't have different tiers of guests. Only self important idiots do that. YANBU. Spend the 800+ quid on something much more interesting.

YANBU. Who else got the paper invite? Do you know anyone else you can team up with if you did go?

How exactly do you think they propose the 11pm mass throw out of guests?

I'm imagining some kind of wrist band system where guests received, on arrival, a different coloured wrist band depending on their status. At five to eleven there will be an announcement along the line of "Will all guests with the green wrist band please make their way to the exit"

Who knows - some people may even be down to leave at nine . . .

See I'm not the only one foreseeing that system

Don't have different tiers of guests. Only self important idiots do that

Or you know, entire countries where its totally normal

They're kicking some of the guests out at 11, then continuing the party with the 'chosen' few?!

Fucking disgraceful.