to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

[Lweji]

Maybe someone should tell the bride?

[Fluffy24]

I wouldn't go. But if you wanted to go and report back about the surprise reception...

[MaisyMooMoo]

I'd feel a little awkward getting up to leave before others, a slight walk of shame. They all look on thinking 'aww, look at her, not as popular as we are'

[beeny]

Thats a really rude invite

[EthelMercaptan]

That's crazy.

I am as nostalgic as anything and had an idyllic childhood in a house that I adored living in. I've even fantasised about rolling up and making the owners an offer they couldn't refuse if I won the lottery (although I think dh would have something to say about that!)

But if I was getting married and was told the reception venue was a secret, when we pulled up outside and the groom said, "Surprise!!" I don't know how I'd restrain myself from punching him in the balls.

[FishWithABicycle]

Wow I'm glad I read through the whole thread. What an insane idea for the reception!

Glad you've got a spy in the inner circle who can give you the info so we don't need to crowdfund your flights. Please do make sure you get and post a full report after the event.

[stiffstink]

The groom is crackers. I feel sorry for the bride and the guests. Toilet nightmares, seating nightmares, food/refreshment nightmares.

And presumably the bride doesn't know about the capacity restrictions for the second secret venue, so does she actually know people travelling from overseas are being sent on their way at 11pm?

[Kryptonite]

Just realised I said major about 95 times in that post.
You get my drift, lol

[Kryptonite]

Not read all the replies, but no way! She's having a laugh.
I'm usually all for saying "it's their wedding, they can invite who they like", but they can't seriously expect you to fly to another country, invite you to just the bit where they get married but not the reception afterwards!
So not only will you have to hang around for hours until the evening do, you have to leave at 11pm whilst the party is still in full swing?!
That's majorly ridiculous!
How's she going to police that one without being a major arse?!
"Come on, Victor, time's up, finish your wine, time for you to go now".... whilst everyone else is dancing to Abba or whatever and drinking merrily?!
Major piss taking. No way would I be forking out for flights.

[Wardy1993]

What a nasty piece of work. Don't bother... Spend the money on your motor and send her a card with a picture of you on the garage forecourt makes me glad I never had to go through this... Eloping to Vegas is best thing we ever did!!!

[Stillunexpected]

I have been thinking about this and it's just so "odd". Even if your friend had a wonderful childhood in this house, going back on her wedding day to what is essentially a completely different house is just going to be so strange. Nothing will be familiar and it could even be upsetting if the new owners have removed some features or replaced something which has happy memories for her. She is going to be in her wedding dress, sitting on a stranger's sofa, looking at their family photos in frames and doing - what? The average three-bed semi doesn't have much space for a band or a bar. How many guests are going to be crammed in here? And will no-one think of the toilet arrangements - the queue outside the bathroom is where people are going to spend most of their evening surely?!

[kali110]

What???

[Grapejuicerocks]

I can't help laughing. You've just got to go now. We need to hear her reaction.

[Lweji]

I'm feeling sorry for the neighbours living in the block of flats, getting a group of noisy people in past 11 at night!
Hopefully those guests will also simply bugger off to the

And having a wedding reception in a house other people live in?

Also feeling sorry for the bride. It sounds like one of those hare-brained groom ideas from "don't tell the bride".

[WingMirrorSpider]

That's weird. The house won't be the same anyway, will it? It will have different furniture, kitchen. They 'new' owners could have done all sorts to it. I think I'd find it a bit sad to go back after all those years.

[TendonQueen]

I have very fond memories of my childhood home, but that doesn't mean I'd have wanted my wedding reception there! Sounds like some crazy Don't Tell the Bride notion.

Does anyone else remember when weddings abroad changed? It used to be an option for the couple to save money and combine wedding and honeymoon but with the understanding that it would just be them on the day, or maybe their parents at most. At some point it's become just the same as a UK wedding, where you invite your full set of family and friends. So now we're all being asked to fork out for flights and holidays in someone else's chosen location on a regular basis. I don't think it's been a good development.

[HortonWho]

I'm snorting with laughter. This is better than anything the producers of Don't Tell the Bride could come up with... Imagine the speculation of the secret venue ... Only to pull up to a house that you remember as a great big place and have the illusion shatter as you see an ordinary cramped semi. With someone else's shit in it.

Because if the renters want the house back at 11 pm (do the actual owners know?! Cause that could be a huge problem!) ... I can't imagine they've allowed them to take away all their furniture into storage and turn it to Narnia for the wedding reception.

[BabyGanoush]

oh, how strange

[tinofbiscuits]

What's wrong with a 3-bed semi? Presumably the groom knows whether she's fond of her old home.

[CalleighDoodle]

This is turning out to be so weird i think, for the sake of a mumsnet update, you simply
Must attend.

[SenecaFalls]

Now I'm a bit concerned for the bride. I would really really hate a surprise venue for my own wedding reception.

[Stillunexpected]

Well I think it's a very dodgy proposition and could go either way. Bride hopefully has lovely memories of growing up in this house and will enjoy going back there for the reception but surely the house is going to look completely different now and so her memories are going to be overlaid by the fact that the house looks nothing like she remembers it? On the other hand, if the venue is being kept a secret she is probably expecting something amazing and pulling up in front of a 3-bed semi, no matter how nostalgic the memories, is hardly what she had in mind!

From a practical point of view, why on earth would you agree to rent your house out for a day for the wedding reception of a couple you don't know?? Think of the potential for damage, the set-up and the clearing-up. Still, takes all sorts.

[spanky2]

Sounds a bit crap to me. £800 for that? Trying not to sound too snobby.

[LovelyFriend]

oh I think that venue is rather sweet! its an awful lots of venues and moving around though isn't it? Church, reception, house party, parents flat.

But I still wouldn't go on the grounds that you travelling so far aren't invited to the reception!

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My spy has uncovered further details.

The location of the reception is not on the invites as it's a surprise for the bride. The groom has hired the house where she grew up as the venue. The family who currently own it would only rent it until 11.00. So everyone will get kicked out then. Family are then walking round to her parents' flat to continue the party but there isn't space for everyone. I think they thought we wouldn't notice as it would appear that everyone is leaving at the same time.

So being a nosy bugger and now having the address of the venue, I googled it to see what country estate my friend grew up on. Was rather surprised to see a rather average looking, 1930s ish, 3 bed semi on an ordinary residential road.