to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

[alltheworld]

This happened to me. Couple london based but wedding in Somerset. All invited to ceremony in morning, many including me not invited to lunch but expected to come back for evening do.

[TubbyTabby]

Politely decline.
Fuck that shit.

[kali110]

I wouldn't go. It doesn't sound like she really wants you to go either.
I don't think there is anyyhing wrong with evening only invites, but not when there is a gap in the middle and especially when you have flown a huge distance!

[BringMeTea]

Yeah. We had this OP. 9 hours' flying including an annoying connection to be allowed to 'watch' the happy couple get wed outside in the driving rain as it turns out, then fuck off until 7pm. This involved paying for 4 night's accommodation too. AND a request for cash. (they got a card). It was one of Dh's best mates so I had to suck it up. Pile of shite. Can you tell I am still annoyed about it?

Oh, and they didn't turn up to ours the year before because... They had a wedding to save for. I know DH was quite upset at that non-attendance. Worst wedding ever. Just DO NOT go OP.

[isitginoclock]

RSVP to her.
Dear X,
Delighted to have been invited to your wedding.
I may make a surprise appearance.

[Stepparentbashersfuckoff]

Treat her with the contempt she deserves.
Say absolutely fucking nothing and buy yourself a lovely new car.
Stupid cow obviously has an over inflated opinion of her own importance!

[IamTheWhoreofBabylon]

i worked with a bloke who invited our team to his evening do with the words ' come but you can't eat owt, there's ower many for the buffet as it is'
None if us went

[lorelei9]

isitginoclock - excellent!!! I like it

[GooseFriend]

Urgh weddings make some ppl so rude. My cousin is getting married this year. Me and dh (not kids) were invited to only the evening so clearly not an invite as kids are small. My brother and 2 other cousins not invited at all. The bad feeling in that family is huge (not from me and bro but from my parents generation) and it's caused loads of problems.

But they're having 8 bridesmaids, hen/stag abroad/ invites and save the dates professionally made to look like ads for specific brand...

All v odd!

I don't mind not being invited but the bad feeling in the older generation is sad to see.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

People forget that the wedding is actually a two way street. It's about the couple uniting and the guests celebrating with them.

To address the balance, we once went to the most beautiful wedding. The bride and groom both had difficult family backgrounds so they invited only the people they wanted to see them marry and eat a wedding 'breakfast' with them. It was intimate and beautiful with a sit down lunch for around 30 people. Later on there was a huge raucous party for everyone they wanted to have at a big do. It all went well was a really good day and all the presents they received were given with a good heart. It makes me nostalgic to think of it, it was so lovely.

Surely those are the memories people ought to want for their wedding day? not lots of expense and angst for their guests?

[BasinHaircut]

goose I hear you! DH and I got married 3 years ago and DH's family have not been the same since. This is because We were limited by numbers because we wanted an old route master bus trip as part of the day and so 70 people was the max. DH has a very large family that he is not particularly close to so decided to invite his aunts and uncles (6 aunts, 6 uncles) but no cousins. This was only because he thought it would 'keep the peace', he only actually wanted 2 aunts and 2 uncles there as they actually have a shite that we were getting married. Would have liked a couple of his cousins there but decided not to as it would cause arguments.

Should have just done what he wanted anyway as 3 years on hardly anyone is talking to us, including aunts and uncles who were invited because they were mortally offended that their children and grandchildren weren't.

Ridiculous.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

The only way to deal with this rude invitation is not to reply at all.

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My spy has uncovered further details.

The location of the reception is not on the invites as it's a surprise for the bride. The groom has hired the house where she grew up as the venue. The family who currently own it would only rent it until 11.00. So everyone will get kicked out then. Family are then walking round to her parents' flat to continue the party but there isn't space for everyone. I think they thought we wouldn't notice as it would appear that everyone is leaving at the same time.

So being a nosy bugger and now having the address of the venue, I googled it to see what country estate my friend grew up on. Was rather surprised to see a rather average looking, 1930s ish, 3 bed semi on an ordinary residential road.

[LovelyFriend]

oh I think that venue is rather sweet! its an awful lots of venues and moving around though isn't it? Church, reception, house party, parents flat.

But I still wouldn't go on the grounds that you travelling so far aren't invited to the reception!

[spanky2]

Sounds a bit crap to me. £800 for that? Trying not to sound too snobby.

[Stillunexpected]

Well I think it's a very dodgy proposition and could go either way. Bride hopefully has lovely memories of growing up in this house and will enjoy going back there for the reception but surely the house is going to look completely different now and so her memories are going to be overlaid by the fact that the house looks nothing like she remembers it? On the other hand, if the venue is being kept a secret she is probably expecting something amazing and pulling up in front of a 3-bed semi, no matter how nostalgic the memories, is hardly what she had in mind!

From a practical point of view, why on earth would you agree to rent your house out for a day for the wedding reception of a couple you don't know?? Think of the potential for damage, the set-up and the clearing-up. Still, takes all sorts.

[SenecaFalls]

Now I'm a bit concerned for the bride. I would really really hate a surprise venue for my own wedding reception.

[CalleighDoodle]

This is turning out to be so weird i think, for the sake of a mumsnet update, you simply
Must attend.

[tinofbiscuits]

What's wrong with a 3-bed semi? Presumably the groom knows whether she's fond of her old home.

[BabyGanoush]

oh, how strange

[HortonWho]

I'm snorting with laughter. This is better than anything the producers of Don't Tell the Bride could come up with... Imagine the speculation of the secret venue ... Only to pull up to a house that you remember as a great big place and have the illusion shatter as you see an ordinary cramped semi. With someone else's shit in it.

Because if the renters want the house back at 11 pm (do the actual owners know?! Cause that could be a huge problem!) ... I can't imagine they've allowed them to take away all their furniture into storage and turn it to Narnia for the wedding reception.

[TendonQueen]

I have very fond memories of my childhood home, but that doesn't mean I'd have wanted my wedding reception there! Sounds like some crazy Don't Tell the Bride notion.

Does anyone else remember when weddings abroad changed? It used to be an option for the couple to save money and combine wedding and honeymoon but with the understanding that it would just be them on the day, or maybe their parents at most. At some point it's become just the same as a UK wedding, where you invite your full set of family and friends. So now we're all being asked to fork out for flights and holidays in someone else's chosen location on a regular basis. I don't think it's been a good development.

[WingMirrorSpider]

That's weird. The house won't be the same anyway, will it? It will have different furniture, kitchen. They 'new' owners could have done all sorts to it. I think I'd find it a bit sad to go back after all those years.

[Lweji]

I'm feeling sorry for the neighbours living in the block of flats, getting a group of noisy people in past 11 at night!
Hopefully those guests will also simply bugger off to the

And having a wedding reception in a house other people live in?

Also feeling sorry for the bride. It sounds like one of those hare-brained groom ideas from "don't tell the bride".

[Grapejuicerocks]

I can't help laughing. You've just got to go now. We need to hear her reaction.