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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH drinking when with DD - AIBU?

139 replies

PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 21:29

I don't think I am but his reaction suggests I might be.

DH took DD to the movies yesterday, drank a beer and a wine and fell asleep watching the film. DD (6) told me about this when they got back. DH wants to take her camping overnight to some festivals in the summer and I have been wary about it for exactly this reason - he will fall asleep if he has a drink and then effectively she is left on her own, with no-one looking out for her. He thinks I am over reacting as they were at the cinema and so what if he has a snooze? I think that he is proving to me exactly why I shouldn't allow them to go to a festival alone, as I can't trust him to not drink and fall asleep etc.

He also told DD to tell me Daddy had orange juice, not beer, but she promptly grassed him up to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 10/01/2016 21:31

Need more background as having a snooze in cinema is not end of the world op - is he a distance abuser ? Are you nervous in general about letting your DD go off ?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 10/01/2016 21:31

Substance ! Not distance

gandalf456 · 10/01/2016 21:32

I think if it's only a couple and he's easily woken when it's ok. I have nodded off on the sofa (not drink related) but been in a state where I can hear everything. I don't go into a deep sleep .

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/01/2016 21:33

Did he drive there and back?

abbsismyhero · 10/01/2016 21:33

did he drive?

she is six he shouldn't be drinking to incapacity with a six year old

Hissy · 10/01/2016 21:33

Why can he not make it through a - what - 90 minute film without drinking BOTH a beer and a glass of wine?

Was he driving?

WhimsicalWinnifred · 10/01/2016 21:34

I don't think you're over reacting. DD is 4. I'm not sure how much of a difference there is but if Dp fell asleep in the cinema with her I'd kill him. That's not being aware of her.

Can't you go to the festivals to?

Organon8 · 10/01/2016 21:34

Worrying that your H is asking your daughter to lie

Is alcohol more important to your H than your daughters? Looks like it

DeAtHnOtE · 10/01/2016 21:34

I wouldn't agree to the festivals. Purely because he's telling her to lie to you. He knows it's not right.

edwinbear · 10/01/2016 21:34

I dozed whilst watching The Good Dinosaur with ds (6) and dd (4) but not because I'd been drinking, I'd have been awake in a second if there had been any issues. I'd be more concerned about his need to drink whilst in a cinema watching (presumably) a children's film with his dd and the fact he felt he needed to lie about it. YANBU about being concerned about him taking her to festival.

PeridotPassion · 10/01/2016 21:36

YANBU

The alcohol itself wouldn't concern me...i'd have no qualms about dh drinking 1 pint of beer and 1 glass of wine when in charge of the dc as that wouldn't be enough to have any effect on him.

But if he has form for falling asleep when he drinks alcohol, that's a problem. What if your dd had needed the toilet and thought she'd be nice and let him sleep and go off to the toilet alone? She's 6...she needs to be supervised by a fully awake and functioning adult.

I would also be immensely pissed off at him telling DD to lie for him...that sends all kinds of wrong messages. My dc are taught that they must never keep a secret from dh or me (with the exception of not telling one of us what their birthday or Christmas present is!).

You need to have a frank conversation with him and get him to agree to not drink alcohol at all when in charge of dc if it has this effect. If he won't then reconsider letting him have them alone and probably reconsider your relationship at the same time.

Branleuse · 10/01/2016 21:36

unless there is some massive back-story, then I think youre being pretty controlling

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 21:39

In general, I am not, no. I am more likely than him to allow her to go to friends houses etc etc. I do worry about predators etc, especially somewhere busy, with likely lots of drunk people around (festival)

He is a lightweight and always falls asleep when he has a drink. I doubt he would not drink when at a festival, I think he would have a few beers and fall asleep. He knows this, yet had a beer and a wine, ffs, at a kids movie in the afternoon. If he cannot manage to hold back for a few hours when beer is available, how could he do a few days?

OP posts:
Mummybare · 10/01/2016 21:40

I would be beyond furious if DH asked my child to lie to me.

Branleuse · 10/01/2016 21:40

can you do the festival too?

mrtwitsglasseye · 10/01/2016 21:41

The falling asleep in the cinema isn't a problem, neither is the amount of alcohol. The asking dd to lie to you is a huge problem.

Organon8 · 10/01/2016 21:41

You really need to speak to your H about asking your daughter to lie

Branleuse · 10/01/2016 21:41

i dont think youre unreasonable about not wanting him to go to a festival with her in the circs, I think I read it as you being cross that hed fallen asleep in the cinema

mrtwitsglasseye · 10/01/2016 21:42

Why wouldn't you be going with them to the festival?!

ImperialBlether · 10/01/2016 21:43

I had some of the best sleeps of my life at the cinema with my children. Surely your child would wake him up if they needed him?

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 21:43

He didn't drive. He walked. I didn't go because I have DS (5 months) and tbh, festivals aren't my thing and I don't want to attend with a 1 year old in the summer.

Am I being controlling?

I think that at a kids movie he shouldn't have been drinking anyway - is it necessary? I wouldn't have, and I do like a drink.

The lying bothers me. A lot.

And, yes, given that he often falls asleep after a drink, he is aware of it. I was surprised he had chosen to do this.

OP posts:
Samantha28 · 10/01/2016 21:44

What hissy said

Friendlystories · 10/01/2016 21:48

I would be worried from both aspects, the lying is definitely an issue, a child shouldn't be asked to lie to cover for an adult and I would want my 6 year old to be supervised by an adult in a public place like a cinema but he can't supervise if he's asleep can he. It would be a no to the festivals for the same reasons you're concerned about, it's not an environment I would be happy for my child to be in without a fully functioning adult.

edwinbear · 10/01/2016 21:52

I don't think you're being controlling at all, pre-kids dh and I would regularly share a bottle of wine in "The Gallery' at the cinema, as a Saturday night out, I also love a drink. But taking the dc to watch a children's film, that's about as far removed from a drinking opportunity as I can imagine, particularly if he has form for falling asleep after a couple.

HPsauciness · 10/01/2016 22:04

I'm surprised everyone thinks drinking both wine and beer at a kid's movie is the perfectly normal thing to do, I've never seen any parents drinking alcohol at children's films. No, I wouldn't like it Op, at home, round at a good friends with other people to mind your dd, absolutely fine, but out in the children's cinema, suggests he views all these as opportunities to have a beer and a snooze. I wouldn't be keen on festivals for exactly the same reason and wouldn't let my husband take my dd alone- holiday together, yes, no problem, but snoozing and drinking at a festival with a 6 year old, no.