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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH drinking when with DD - AIBU?

139 replies

PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 21:29

I don't think I am but his reaction suggests I might be.

DH took DD to the movies yesterday, drank a beer and a wine and fell asleep watching the film. DD (6) told me about this when they got back. DH wants to take her camping overnight to some festivals in the summer and I have been wary about it for exactly this reason - he will fall asleep if he has a drink and then effectively she is left on her own, with no-one looking out for her. He thinks I am over reacting as they were at the cinema and so what if he has a snooze? I think that he is proving to me exactly why I shouldn't allow them to go to a festival alone, as I can't trust him to not drink and fall asleep etc.

He also told DD to tell me Daddy had orange juice, not beer, but she promptly grassed him up to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:28

No, not Australia.

OP posts:
rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:30

I think he's petrified what your reaction would be so hence lied. The amount he drank is minimal. This is more to do with the pair of you and the way you co-parent.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 23:31

There is a bar in our local cinema and I am in the UK. It is based in the deluxe screen but anyone can use it.

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:33

Petrified? Really?? So am I an abuser now? If he was petrified then maybe he wouldn't have done it!

A drink - yeah ok. Did he need two in this space of time? What have I done to make him petrified? Be worried about dd?

OP posts:
rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:35

Your very reaction suggests you both need to co-parent better.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 23:35

Petrified that the OP finds out that he cant go 1.5 hours on an afternoon without a couple of drinks inside him more like.

rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:37

Has she said he has a drink problem?

This is more about the two of them.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/01/2016 23:37

All of the cinemas I go to (chain and independents) sell alcohol and allow you to take it into the screening.

Being the solo parent of a 6 year old at an afternoon screening is only marginally less a suitable drinking opportunity than being at my desk in the office.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 23:42

Has she said he has a drink problem?

Well no, but thats the point isnt it? Finding out that he had 2 drinks during a kids film, fell asleep as a result of that and then tried to get a 6 year old to lie about it would indicate a possible drink problem and therefore is having her question whether him taking the DD to a weekend event where drinking is practically a requirement, is a good idea.

It certainly indicates, at best, a lack of self awareness around alcohol and child safety.

As I said above, the drinking for me isnt the issue as much as the lying. He tried to get his dd to lie for him because he knew that what he did wasnt acceptable or safe. I dont think that "5 units is binge drinking, he could pass out, police, ss etc" is a sensible reaction either, but he must have known that it wasnt good otherwise why lie about it?

rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:47

This tells me she's very angry with her ex and the sheer anger of her post shows this. If I were him I'd lie too.

He had a kip in a kids film.

I've done that, they happen to be rather boring.

It's sad.

abbsismyhero · 10/01/2016 23:50

when i drink and fall asleep it takes a lot to wake me ive slept through two smoke alarms going off outside my bedroom door and a houseful of smoke (my sisters cooking) so i would be worried about the falling asleep business because i know im not the only one who does this after a drink

i don't think the OP is controlling i think her dp is irresponsible

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:50

bogeyface - thank you.

I don't think he has a drink problem. I think he has a problem knowing what is acceptable behaviour at times. He could have had a drink and been fine, why did he need to have two and make himself sleepy? He doesn't seem to know his limits, and when in charge of dd he should. And trying to get her to lie to me is not cool. How am I supposed to trust him to take her places?

OP posts:
Fuckitfay · 10/01/2016 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:53

I am not angry. I am looking out for my dd and ensuring her safety. If he shows me he is irresponsible for a few hours, then I am inclined to think he will be irresponsible over a few days where there are greater dangers. That is why I don't want him to take her to a festival.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:54

Suspect he bought them both before the movie started.

OP posts:
rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:55

I think the pair of you need to be kinder to each other and co-parent better. You are making a mountain out of a molehill. He is the other parent and you need to let go a bit.

rosewithoutthorns · 10/01/2016 23:59

Oh right, so this is about him taking her to something else?

He IS the other parent.

It is not for you to decide what he does with his child when you aren't together unless of course he is an alcoholic or drug abuser, of which he is none.

DancingDinosaur · 10/01/2016 23:59

Hmm, I'd be worried if he couldn't stay awake. I wouldn't have an issue with the wine and beer if he was able to stay awake and be responsible. And I would be annoyed if he had asked dc to lie for him. No, unless there are other people who will defo look after dd then I wouldn't let her go to the festival. Things are more likely to go wrong when groups of adults are looking out for the dc and the assumption is that someone else is looking out for them, and then no one actually is. If that makes sense. I don't think yabu op.

rosewithoutthorns · 11/01/2016 00:02

He dozed off in the cinema watching a kids film Grin

Bogeyface · 11/01/2016 00:02

He had a kip in a kids film.

I've done that, they happen to be rather boring.

And that is not, and has never been the OPs issue, or did that bit pass you by?! Her issue is that he always falls asleep after a couple of drinks and therefore the best time to have a couple of drinks is not when he is in sole charge of a 6 year old. As I said above, my mum used to fall asleep in the pictures, and it was never a problem as she hadnt been drinking.

He cant have a drink without falling asleep, he knows this, had a drink, fell asleep and then tried to get a young child to lie about it.

Being kinder to him will achieve what, precisely? "oh dont worry darling, we all do it!", is that what you mean? Except that we dont all do it. The amount of times I have seen parents walk into a kids film on a Saturday afternoon carrying alcohol you could count on the fingers of one head.

Bogeyface · 11/01/2016 00:04

He dozed off in the cinema watching a kids film

No. Again. He dozed off in the cinema after having 2 alcoholic drinks which he knows make him go to sleep, whilst in sole charge of a 6 year old and then got her to lie about it.

Do you have alcohol issues yourself Rose? Because you seem determined to gloss over the OPs main problem.

CheerfulYank · 11/01/2016 00:04

He's not her ex is he? Confused

rosewithoutthorns · 11/01/2016 00:05

I have no idea why you are being such an alarmist Bogey.

mommy2ash · 11/01/2016 00:05

Is alcohol freely available in cinemas in the uk? I find this very strange but I'm wondering is that because cinemas here don't sell alcohol and I've never heard of a person drinking in a cinema in my life

rosewithoutthorns · 11/01/2016 00:06

Another thread I have to hide due to people making mountains out of molehills.