Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH drinking when with DD - AIBU?

139 replies

PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 21:29

I don't think I am but his reaction suggests I might be.

DH took DD to the movies yesterday, drank a beer and a wine and fell asleep watching the film. DD (6) told me about this when they got back. DH wants to take her camping overnight to some festivals in the summer and I have been wary about it for exactly this reason - he will fall asleep if he has a drink and then effectively she is left on her own, with no-one looking out for her. He thinks I am over reacting as they were at the cinema and so what if he has a snooze? I think that he is proving to me exactly why I shouldn't allow them to go to a festival alone, as I can't trust him to not drink and fall asleep etc.

He also told DD to tell me Daddy had orange juice, not beer, but she promptly grassed him up to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 22:09

My mother never drank but she always fell asleep in the pictures, it was a standing joke when we were kids, so that wouldnt bother me so much.

However, it would bother me that he always falls asleep after a drink and despite knowing this still had a couple, that he wants to take her to festivals where he will be drinking and therefore not able to look after her/keep her safe and that he asked her to lie to you.

The lie is the biggest one for me as it proves that he knows that he shouldnt have done it. So no, he would not be taking her to festivals on his own.

Have you asked him why he asked her to lie and if he thinks that that is an ok thing to ask a 6 year old to do? I would be fucking fuming about that.

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 22:14

he said it was to see if she would do it or tell me! he seems to think its a joke - I suspect he was testing the waters to see if she actually would cover for him.

OP posts:
DontCallMeBaby · 10/01/2016 22:16

The lying's awful.

Festivals are out of the question. I took DD to Camp Bestival (so not huge, and very child friendly) when she was 7, along with a friend and her DDs, 7 and 4. We lost DD (very briefly) twice. You need to be absolutely on the ball, and tbh, you ideally need more than one adult. I did drink - I rationed myself to two cans of cider in the day, and friend and I both had wine after the kids were in bed. There was absolutely no boozy daytime snoozing!

Lauren15 · 10/01/2016 22:17

It is not reasonable to drink alcohol when you take your dc out for the afternoon. I find that worrying.

bakeoffcake · 10/01/2016 22:17

I used to fell asleep at the cinema when the dds were younger and I hadn't drank, so that bit wouldn't bother me. Your DD was sat safely beside her dad and she could esily wake him. However at a festival, she probably wouldn't feel very safe if her dad fell asleep, so no, I wouldn't want him taking DD to a festival.

The getting dd to lie would make me furious.

hownottofuckup · 10/01/2016 22:19

Wow what cinema did they go to you don't get booze at our local one.

Seems a ridiculously small amount to get the snooze from.

There's no way on earth I'd be agreeable to him taking her to a festival, unless they were going with someone else that was going to be responsible for DD.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 22:19

he said it was to see if she would do it or tell me!

Bullshit. Absolute Bull.Shit.

I think you are right, he thought he might get away with it and when she grassed him up he tried to pass it off as a joke.

Mistigri · 10/01/2016 22:22

It is not reasonable to drink alcohol when you take your dc out for the afternoon. I find that worrying.

This. Does he have an alcohol problem?

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 10/01/2016 22:23

Would be be going to the festival just with her or as part of a group?

HeadJudgeLen · 10/01/2016 22:23

I would snooze during a kids movie to be fair, but I wouldn't have been drinking before hand. I like a drink, maybe more than most, but not when taking my small dc to the cinema.

TracyBarlow · 10/01/2016 22:35

I think it's hideously poor form to be modelling to a child of that age that going to a kids' film involves beer, wine and lying.

I didn't even know they served alcohol in cinemas.

kaitlinktm · 10/01/2016 22:37

Testing the waters! My God! What can he mean? If she had lied, what would he have then felt able to do?

This is far worse than the drinking/sleeping at the cinema.

Drinking/sleeping (while DD is awake) at a festival would be more serious.

AnUtterIdiot · 10/01/2016 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnUtterIdiot · 10/01/2016 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 22:43

We aren't in the UK. I don't know if you can get alcohol in UK cinemas.

I wouldn't have said he had an alcohol problem but I might suggest going alcohol free for a bit and see how he reacts.

OP posts:
Psychmumma · 10/01/2016 22:48

If he walked, I really don't see the issue with him having s couple of drinks. If the film was dull, can't see an issue with him nodding off. If he was light-heartedly getting your dc to pretend he had an oj to see what she would say; seems plausible as a bit of a prank.
Think you are over- reacting. Would've been different if he was driving but otherwise it seems quite a chilled afternoon.
With regards to the festival- probably better he go by himself and have a good time and wait til you can all go as a family where you can take it in turns to drink / watch the kids.

Viviennemary · 10/01/2016 22:49

Having a drink is OK. Having a drink and falling asleep isn't usually OK when you are responsible for a six year old. But it was the cinema. It's easy to doze off during a boring film. You do sound a bit uptight about things and obviously don't trust your partner to care for your child adequately. This is the issue not the fact he fell asleep during a film. I wouldn't want a six year old going to one of those festivals with anybody.

Jux · 10/01/2016 23:05

The main issue is that he asked your dd to lie.myou don't encourage 6 year olds to tell lies, that's one of the ways they are supposed to be able to tell a safe person from an unsafe one. "Hey little girl, let's just go over here and look at the other side of this bush, ssshhh it'll be our secret, don't tell your mummy........."

Hihohoho1 · 10/01/2016 23:07

Why would a 6 year old want to
Go to a festival?

How boring for her.

Soooosie · 10/01/2016 23:10

Can't he go with a friend to the festival?

thegiddylimit · 10/01/2016 23:14

Agree with those that think it is very worrying that he thought it was acceptable to have two drinks (that's 5 units of alcohol, no wonder he fell asleep) at a kids film in the afternoon. I think it's indicative of an issue with alcohol if he can't stay sober on a day out with his daughter.

It's also very worrying that he tried to get our daughter to lie to you to cover up for his behaviour, even it was intended as a prank (which I doubt) it introduces an idea that could be very dangerous. Thank goodness she refused to lie.

If he'd remained sober but had dozed in the film I'd not be bothered but the drinking and lying would make me furious and I'm not sure I'd let DH out alone with the kids if he did that, not that he ever would because he's a responsible father.

maddening · 10/01/2016 23:14

Snoozing in the cinema is. Different to sleeping on alcohol - much less likely to awake after booze.

Emmalouise2babies · 10/01/2016 23:19

You're not in Australia are you by any chance?

Original poster
PeachFuzzzz · 10/01/2016 23:27

It is interesting to see the varied replies. I am glad that not everyone thinks I am uptight!

For me there are two issues - teaching her to lie to me and him not being in full control when he is the solo parent.

She doesn't want to go to a festival. She likes the idea of going somewhere with daddy. He wants to take her, probably with friends which means he may well relax - but it isn't other adults responsibility to care for dd, it is his. It may well all be fine. But with hundreds of unknown people around, likely drunk, I need to know that he would be in control. If he cannot parent responsibly at the cinema, how am I supposed to trust him to do so at a festival? The pp who said I don't trust him - I would argue that he is showing me he cant be trusted.

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 10/01/2016 23:28

5 units is binge drinking. Doing this and passing out in charge of a DC in a public place could land him in trouble with the police let alone ss!