To think this was too much? Possibly tmi (sexual related)

[Strangeoccurence]

I dropped my son off at my exes house. I was upset, he hugged me and i feel took advantage of my vulnerability.

He groped me, and didnt stop when asked and told to stop.
He was making out he was playing, but at the end of it all - he was still doing it! Telling me he knows i want it - i am far from in the mood, and i wont sleep with someone im not in a relationship with. Ex or not! Telling me he is frisky and i should just do it. It would make me feel better etc. Getting it out and forcing my hand to it.

I dont know if i am thinking too much of an attempt to win me over for a quicky, or if he really did take advantage

Listen love, you HAVE to address this and sort it out once and for all BECAUSE OF YOUR SON!

You are letting this man sexually assault you time and time again for the sake of your son.

This man is a vile human being, he's a rapist, a predator and has about the worst view of women there is.

He is - as a consequence of this skewed and poisonous viewpoint - a piss poor parent. He is a danger to your son on an emotional and developmental level.

This man will teach your son about how women, you included, are to be viewed and treated.

This man will teach your son to hate women, hold zero respect for them and he will train him to abuse you psychologically.

I used to share my disgust with him over how he spoke to his mother. Me and his mum would then be told we were teaming up against him (jokingly, again). He would speak to her like utter shit. I would find myself thinking quite often about how it shows a lot about a man with how they speak to their mum, and i was right to never ignore that. It just added to my list of negative relationship traits he did have

I agree hissy. I really do. With little proof and no evidence, my version of events will be nothing that just that. My version.
It would be an awful amount of stress for the outcome to be as it is right now.

Life should not be like this love, it really shouldn't.

What would you advise your best friend if she came to you with this godawful account?

Your son will speak to you the way his father speaks to his mother, you know this, right?

Don't be so accommodating in future, be busy.

your son needs less interaction with his dad somehow, you need to protect him.

The same could be said of most assaults. It doesn't mean here not worth reporting or that you should continue to be alone with him because it's not worth making a fuss. You seem to have decided he's going to get away with it. Hissy is so right about the example he'd be setting for your son, right up o and including how mothers should be spoken to.

Can you set your phone to record and keep it in your pocket while he's there?

My son has spent weekends with his dad from a baby. He is 7 now.
I cannot just stop contact or start limiting it without any form of authoritive back up, otherwise it would be put back to how it is right now. My efforts will have been pointless and my son would hold resentment over me because i decided to try and stop him seeing his father.

If there was an easy button to press and for this to all be sorted, id be pressing it.
Unfortunately, as bad as a person he seems to be - his son, himself and everyone else thinks he is a fantastic dad.

I could set my phone to record but without informing him it is recording it is useless as evidence.

As for him getting away with it - that is not what i want, and i havent made my mind up over what i am going to do. I have questions, lots of them. I will be having a meeting with victim support and someone else sometime next week to see what i can do and where i can go from here.
In the meantime, while i wait - my head is bombarded with all of these questions. I want to do something about it, but i am so scared of it doing absolutely nothing. I have nothing to say that it would do nothing, but because i dont have anything saying it would do something i am filled with confusion and the likes

My son has been dropped off. I kept the door just enough to let ds in and said say bye to your dad. Once he said bye i closed the door and locked it.

Why don't you have a conversation with the police dv team, ask for their advice?

Or call womans aid? Ask for their take on it?

I think somehow this needs putting on record. I think the police WOULD listen, would take you seriously and actually WOULD arrest.

"Bring me the boy until he's 7, and I will show you the man"

You have Very limited time to reduce the damage exposure to an abusive man who loathes all women.

Your son is your responsibility.

You need to get advice. Proper advice and follow it.

All abusers are very popular with everyone around them.

I see you have a meeting with victim support, that's great. They will help.

You're not alone here and you will be listened to and believed.

I'm glad your son is back without incident.

A recording would be useless in court, but I don't think it's useless in backing up your version of events whilst discussing the path forwards. Though your reluctant description of the facts is also more than adequate. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm pushing you in any particular direction, I just wanted to reassure you that you're not bring silly for feeling like he was wrong to do what he did. I don't know what conviction rates are like in such cases, nor what the effect would be on access. Perhaps you might be right that he would still have access to his son, but I think at the very least the handover would/should be in a public place.

So there was a seven year old, awake and in the next room, while he was pulling your pubic hair to try to make you spread your legs and pushing your hand towards himself?

I called victim support who were about to make an appointment with the police but told me that they would instantly act and arrest. I panicked, so she suggested speaking to another support agency who work alongside the police. They can give me all of the information about what will happen if i report it. I can then either report it there and then or think about it further.
The victim support are calling me tomorrow to give me further info of dates/times of this appointment.

Yes, they would arrest and yes they would listen. Sexual assault against me, and no direct risk to my son points toward contact being just the same.

I dont know how they will scale/judge what has happened in regards to how much a judge would listen and act on it. This is what is good about my appointment.
The other thing im questioning is how he was in a relationship with me. Would that be used? Or would that be irrelevant since it was sept/oct time we split.

Would the fact all of my relationships have been abusive in different ways go against me at all?

Yes my son was in the other room when he was doing this. Easily able to just walk in at any point.

Completely irrelevant that you used to be in a relationship, as far as I know. It would still be assault even if he was your current partner. I don't think the fact you have a history of abusve relationships is relevant either.

The appointment sounds good. And the fact they would move to arrest.

Cross-posted with your confirmation about your son. Even if you were a keen and willing participant, that wouldn't be a great thing to be doing when your son could walk in. I think you should make sure you mention that part at your meeting.

Thank you. Yes i will mention that, definitely.
Im past myself with worry again. Da said his nan and uncle were there today. Nan always sees him but uncle never ever does. Im worrying that they somehow know! Probably completely irrational, but the what if is at the forefront of my mind.
I bloody hate anxiety sometimes.

Ds i meant, not da

Darling, your past relationships is not a matter for judgement. Please don't blame yourself here?

He assaulted you because he's a sexual predator not because you made a bad selection in boyfriends! He is responsible for his behaviouR!

Now.... What you do need to do when you are past this, is speak to womans aid and get yourself onto the freedom programme. This will help you protect yourself in the future. It will help you set boundaries and Spot manipulators

Can't recommend it highly enough.

It's not the magic bullet, but it's a good start.

I have done the freedom programme :( and im still useless!

Love, you can do it again.

Even online, this stuff is hard! Takes a lot of deprogramming

I have the books. I think ill start reading them again and then maybe look at doing it online

You are NOT useless.

You are a loving person put in an ugly position by someone you used to love. You just want to be at peace and you're being faced with a potentially stressful situation. No wonder you're upset!

You don't have to make any decisions today. You don't have to make any decisions tomorrow. Try to relax and remember that no one can force you to file a complaint or not file a complaint. It will be your decision to make once you have all the facts. Wait until then.

Thank you acrossthepond :) i am so stressed out about it all and i do need to really try and wait it out until the meeting. At least then i will know a little bit more on which direction to go.

I guess being stuck in the limbo phase is bloody awful ha.
Hopefully ill find out the meeting is early in the week so i can offload, at least!

I am feeling a lot better today. I think him handing my son over with no problems has helped, plus i was able to relax knowing its over after that.

My mind is swaying more over to reporting him at the minute. I think being calmer is allowing me to see things more clearly.

I am still not going to act until i have seen/spoken with the specialist. Which hopefully i will hear from today