To find my MIL creeping around outside my room while I bf weird and irritating?

[SouthernComforter]

I've written in detail elsewhere on here about my PILs - how they arrive earlier than agreed, book flights home for later than agreed, barely leave the house, how my MIL is a babyhogger - so I'll keep this specific. MIL didn't breastfeed any of her children, and since I also don't want to bf my 8wo in front of my FIL I come up to my bedroom (also a break from strained chat bcse by the end of a 6-day visit that was meant to be 3 days we don't have much to say). Today FIL and DH are busying themselves with flatpack furniture and DS1 is at nursery so it's me, the baby and my MIL. I was sitting on my bed feeding and heard my husband ask my MIL if she was ok. He had come out of the spare room (where they're putting furniture together) to find MIL creeping about on the landing. She replied that she was waiting to take the baby. She's now sitting on the sofa (in silence) with my sleeping baby while I strip the Xmas tree.

AIBU to think this is weird and yet more insanity-inducing behaviour or should I just accept that she is making the most of her time with her new grandson that she probably won't see for another good few months?

I'm really angry now and I don't even have a baby. Who do these people think they are? You don't 'Wait to take the baby'. You wait at a polite distance until you can watch the mother with the baby. Because the baby and the mother are a single unit. The grandma isn't part of that. Her role is to make cups of tea and walk up and down with the baby, where the mother could see her (if she wasn't asleep), if the mother is so tired that she can't carry on. Who are these people who take the baby away from the mother so they can push baby about in a pram? A pram? [can you hear my voice rising? Think of 'a handbag!'] When the baby should be in the mother's arms? No baby should ever be 'removed' from the mother's arms. Who does the baby want and need? The mother. Grandmas are peripheral. We had our go years back. Think on it.
Good grief, young mothers, you put up with some nonsense.

I strongly disagree with posters who say this is just how older women behave and is a sign they love the baby. When my mum or Inlaws visited they would help do household tasks so I had more time with the baby. No one ever grabbed any babies or clung on to them for hours. This sounds more like power games than being a loving grandparent. It sounds as though they visit for too long and don't have enough to do if she's prowling the corridors when no baby. Does she not do stuff with fil or sit and chat to him? On device so can't scroll up to see if fil exists but don't recall much mention of him

OP I have been reading this thread with interest as I am currently pg with my first. MIL and I used to rub along ok but she has already started to criticise what I am doing/planning on doing and the baby isn't born yet.

I completely agree that this is not appropriate behaviour on the part of your MiL. I understand that if PIL live further away they will want extra cuddles and time with DC. However you have purposely taken yourself off on your own to have some time and to feed in peace. You are not doing anything wrong in doing that! I certainly wouldn't want to get my boob out in front of PIL. I think that there are boundaries that need to be established here and she needs to understand that regardless of what she wants or intends, you are a new Mum and if she is upsetting you her behaviour needs modifying.

I really hope that your DH is supportive of you and will back you with this.

MIL might think she has a 'right' as this is her flesh and blood but she has had her children and done things her way, this is your turn.

I suspect this is how MIL behaved in the past ,overbearing and undermining and so some MIL behave like this now.

Women had so little control over their own lives in the past and my MIL admitted it made her behave really badly. She did say she was jealous I got to live my life as I wished,had control and made decisions for myself.
She couldn't bear it.
Lets hope this attitude is fading out fast.