To find my MIL creeping around outside my room while I bf weird and irritating?

[SouthernComforter]

I've written in detail elsewhere on here about my PILs - how they arrive earlier than agreed, book flights home for later than agreed, barely leave the house, how my MIL is a babyhogger - so I'll keep this specific. MIL didn't breastfeed any of her children, and since I also don't want to bf my 8wo in front of my FIL I come up to my bedroom (also a break from strained chat bcse by the end of a 6-day visit that was meant to be 3 days we don't have much to say). Today FIL and DH are busying themselves with flatpack furniture and DS1 is at nursery so it's me, the baby and my MIL. I was sitting on my bed feeding and heard my husband ask my MIL if she was ok. He had come out of the spare room (where they're putting furniture together) to find MIL creeping about on the landing. She replied that she was waiting to take the baby. She's now sitting on the sofa (in silence) with my sleeping baby while I strip the Xmas tree.

AIBU to think this is weird and yet more insanity-inducing behaviour or should I just accept that she is making the most of her time with her new grandson that she probably won't see for another good few months?

Mmm, Raxa, I'm not at all convinced. Standing outside a closed door and saying when asked that you were 'waiting' to hold the baby don't add up, to my mind, to waiting for 7 seconds or being polite.

You need to arrange some renovations around Easter so they can't stay with you.

Bad guests are like fish. Both smell to high heaven in three days.

I think you are a saint. No one would ever come in between my be babies and me. I think I was like a momma bear though

You need to arrange they you'll be doing something else other than hosting every holiday. Book somewhere for yourselves and insist they leave if you can't get the builders in.

Your own family holidays are vitally important if you want to build some happy memories for your own kids.
Give the in laws the heave. MIL sounds deranged.

Bertrand it doesn't have to be an exact parallel. Cotto was explaining her feelings and why her comments are what they are. Why is the exact parallel important?

I feel for you, OP here, as I had a similar experience when my son was a baby, not with MIL, and only a handful of times. It was enough to make me really resonate with what you seem to be feeling, and I can only advise firm, kind words to your MIL to explain. If you feel it would be worth it. All the best.

I don't think you are weird at all but I do think BF mothers generally feel the need to keep their babies close. I was happy to go off once they were 6 months or so and EBF until 24 months.
It was mainly the early weeks.
I was very shocked by how I felt and it was really unexpected.
It was literally a pain, torturous, a physical sensation that was overwhelming and lasted until around 5 months when it began to lessen.
Im pretty sure it was a hormonal reaction to BF or part of BF and my HV confirmed this.
All my BF friends had this to varying degrees in the early weeks and spent most of their time with their babies.

No intention of convincing.

Again, my point was nobody knows. We bring our own opinions and experiences to our reading of it. Had it been my MIL, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. My friend's awful MIL would have been up to no good.

I'm not trying to argue it either way. Honestly. My point is, it could be completely benign. It could be that she was halfway to kidnap. It was most likely somewhere in the middle.

Thanks ilove

zzzz I have one DC with profound speech/hearing difficulties - never used that phrase ,ever.
So shove your assumptions.

Zs, use your words is a gentle reminder to my niece. She's autistic. Her one to one taught my brother how useful it is.

It is about how the OP feels and how I at the time felt, I agree with you Raxa

She was just being a bit OTT, lurking and waiting for the baby but annoyed the OP.
My MIL was interviewed by the Police and it still didn't stop until DH and her own friend stepped in.

Oh give over zzz
My Com SALT has never used that phrase and neither have I - why do you think Im "being vile" when it was in reference to an Americanism that grates on my nerves not in anyway connected to my DC or yours .

Im not trying to be vile in anyway so please just leave me alone .

It is surprisingly simple. There's been a real effort to give her tools and gentle reminders of when to use them. She is learning and it's giving her control. Her words are part of her arsenal.

Cotto (vitro according to autocorrect), I'm sorry. Sounds ruddy awful. I really do agree with most of your points. I bfed for a zillion years and there's a visceral vulnerability to it and people can be terribly unthinking.

I can't actually believe that people are arguing that it's perfectly fine to hang about outside the host's bedroom door when they are a guest in someone's house. It's like I've fallen into BizarroMumsnet.

Over-excited is a reasonable excuse for a 4 year old the night before Christmas, or a cat catching a whiff of Dreamies. Adult humans should really have a tighter grip on themselves once they've had enough life experience to reach grandparenthood.

Im off- I have never used or heard that phrase in that context so apologies to those offended.

My DC was told to "speak clearly, slow down"

C'mon. Peace and love dudes. It's okay not to like a phrase, it's okay not to realise it's used in different ways. I hate all sorts of words but recognise that's my peculiarity.

Quality Street?

I do think BF mothers generally feel the need to keep their babies close.

I really didn't notice any difference among my friends, when we had fairly new babies.
I certainly didn't notice anything that made me think that I (or friends who were also bf'ing) were feeling the need to be close to our new babies any more intensely than friends who were ff'ing (although I don't remember ever discussing it with any of them).

Maybe I was a bit too relaxed! (in which case, I certainly made up for it when my eldest ... that pfb ... started driving )

"Visceral vulnerability"- that's a really good phrase and it sums it up for me.

Totally agree close but then some people just like an argument.

I really am not trying to offend anyone and had only heard the phrase used in a patronising way ,apologies once again.

Raxa thanks

I suppose it depends on whether your MIL /anyone tried to remove them though ADish
I was perfectly happy when DC were with me.

"ovations around Easter so they can't stay with you.

Bad guests are like fish. Both smell to high heaven in three days."

Yep. That's exactly the way to think about your dp's parents and your children's grandparents.

I know I said I was off but Im back for Quality Street only the purple ones

I can honestly say that my relationship with my parents has improved dramatically now that we don't stay at theirs.
They drive me around the bend after 2 days and its clear my DM finds all the catering etc ,even with help, a pain.
Nothing wrong with being realistic about adult relationships, sometimes I find my own DH and DC a pain and love being alone
Having guests is hard work unless you are a sort of Kirsty Allsopp crossed with Nigella type and have the patience of a bloody saint!

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first. This will be the first grandchild on both sides also. I get on really well with my mil but you keep hearing that women go nuts when babies are around. thankfully both sets of gp are close so no one is staying, not that I would have anyone stay over either. The lurking thing would weird me out, also, mil's job isn't to sit all day holding baby, that's mums job IMO. It really bugs me when you hear people staying under the guise of 'helping' the new parents but are really there for their own selfish needs.

You can have all the purple ones. I like the strawberry creams and green triangles.

"Come to dear, old granny for a nice, slobbery kiss"......