To find my MIL creeping around outside my room while I bf weird and irritating?

[SouthernComforter]

I've written in detail elsewhere on here about my PILs - how they arrive earlier than agreed, book flights home for later than agreed, barely leave the house, how my MIL is a babyhogger - so I'll keep this specific. MIL didn't breastfeed any of her children, and since I also don't want to bf my 8wo in front of my FIL I come up to my bedroom (also a break from strained chat bcse by the end of a 6-day visit that was meant to be 3 days we don't have much to say). Today FIL and DH are busying themselves with flatpack furniture and DS1 is at nursery so it's me, the baby and my MIL. I was sitting on my bed feeding and heard my husband ask my MIL if she was ok. He had come out of the spare room (where they're putting furniture together) to find MIL creeping about on the landing. She replied that she was waiting to take the baby. She's now sitting on the sofa (in silence) with my sleeping baby while I strip the Xmas tree.

AIBU to think this is weird and yet more insanity-inducing behaviour or should I just accept that she is making the most of her time with her new grandson that she probably won't see for another good few months?

So your MIL was standing on the landing as FIL and DH as you say were in spare room doing flat pack furniture.
You in bedroom bf.
So basically she was on the landing, as you were all presumingly upstairs so she thought she would go up there also. but probably had nothing much to do other than hovver about.
You say she was creeping about I think thats your assumption that she was creeping as she is gets on your nerves.
So what if she was waiting for a cuddle! Thats what normal grandmothers do.

I get this OP. I also feel a physical wrench when others have my baby and I'm BF and whilst it is weakening its incredibly strong. It's not really talked about but it's a very strong feeling. My MIL was a FF who seems to have issues with BF and always was/is offering to take the baby so I can "have a break". I don't want a break, my baby is the best thing ever. She's filled her house to the brim with baby stuff and seemed to expect baby overnight despite me explaining when I was pregnant that I was planning on breastfeeding so that wouldn't be possible.

I wish she had listened to me and I find it difficult to explain to her as I don't want to be rude to my DH's parents. I've actually been pretty hurt by her reactions but I try to tell myself it's because she loves my baby too.

I would be trying to get some space too if I were you.

Well, Flat, maybe the mother of the baby wanted a cuddle too. How extraordinary!

I say "use your big words" to my cat lol

Gleam
The mother of the baby can have a cuddle any time

Not if mil's always pouncing on the baby.

Oh thank god !
Someone gets it ALongTime
Yes, yes,yes to all you have said- I didn't want a bloody break either
I do think its a BF/FF difference .My MIL in hindsight did everything to disrupt BF< feck, that's it>
Nothing on this earth would make me want to be away from my tiny babies .
< awaits flaming>

Hee haw to do with BF. I FF mine and wouldn't be parted for anything or anybody. My mil filled her spare room with baby stuff, was always wanting to 'give me a break', even wanting baby overnight for no real reason other than she wanted. She couldn't and wouldn't understand that there was NO WAY it was happening.

Gleam
Most MIL dont live with the baby. Is it wrong to sit there cuddling it all day on a visit. Ive never known anyone with a baby have a problem with family members doing this. Its pretty normal for visiting relatives to want to fuss and constantly hold the baby. Whats wrong with that? Its what normal families do.

Im my case it was and in many cases it seems that the MIL either doesn't understand BF and isn't aware of the need for the baby to be with its mother all the time or as I have just realised the MIL is trying to stop the mother BF.
BF does promote a strong bond between Baby and mother in a way FF doesn't always- obvs for you it did .
Im reeling actually- really cant believe she would do this.

Flat BF mothers usually spend most of their time holding, cuddling and BF their babies- its how milk is made !
Others constantly holding doesn't work and was actually torture for me.
Its not normal for the MIL to "constantly hold the baby" Nope

Sorry I should clarify that I have realised that what my MIL was trying to do was break the BF bond I had with DC.

Cotto
So you have just basically said that BF promotes a bond that FF does not
What a load of rubbish. We all love our babies and have an amazing special bond no matter how they are fed. BF does not mean they have to be attached to your hip 24/7. Its only natural that family members want to hold and cuddle the baby for more than 5 seconds.

MIL lives abroad so she won't be pouncing for many months.

That is so unacceptable and I really feel for you, it's horrible to feel uncomfortable whilst bfing. My mum is like this, her bursting in on me feeding the other day was a major factor in my decision to give up bfing, but of course that's my problem as apparently I should be ok with my mum bursting in on me half naked

Cotto
I B/F and my baby was constantly cuddled by visitors. I went back to work and my tits were still leaking milk. I B/F and expressed. To say its not normal for a MIL to constantly hold a baby is ridiculous. And you dont need to cuddle a baby to produce milk.

Lets not turn this into a FF v BF debate, it won't end well.

We can agree that there has been some projecting by posters on this thread. Bottom line is that OP needs to establish her own boundaries. Having a baby is the event that either forces a new mum to draw her own line or have a quiet life and get walked over by everyone elses wants and desires.
Trouble is we have to do this at a time when we are most tired and vulnerable.
Mums to be - sort your boundaries and house rules now.

"that what my MIL was trying to do was break the BF bond I had with DC."

(I'm sorry, but) That just sounds too weird.

Do you really think that your MIL was actually deliberately tryingto break the bond you had with your Children, Cotta?

With respect, I do have to say that that notion strikes me as more than a little neurotic ... but you know your MIL! If this is true, it sounds as if she is/was suffering from some kind of illness!

I have no idea about FF.
BF does promote a bond- only the mother does it unless expressing but mine were bottle refusers .
I couldn't bear for mine to be away from me- it was not normal for me and any other BF early weeks Mum I know to have the baby held all day by someone else.
We spent almost every hour BF .
Holding, touching(skin to skin) was advised by my MW to get BF well established and it was bliss .

Its only now that I have realised why she disappeared for 3 hours < see up thread>
and took every opportunity to separate me from my DC and stop them feeding " you have had enough of that"
She actually did - I have only just realised this
yes she has MH problems .

cotto how insulting to say that it's a BF/FF difference. I FF and bonded perfectly well with my babies and also wanted them near me as much as possible. Why do some BF mothers think their bond is so much fucking greater and they need their baby around them more than a mothere who FF.

I'm not a MIL or a Grandmother, bt there's an awful lot of MIL bashing on MN isn't there?

Also the subliminal FF bashing on this thread too.

I BF both my babies and was delighted when someone held them for me. I didn't feel any visceral pain when we were in separate rooms. We only have the OP's (rather partisan) description of her MIL's behaviour. It doesn't sound that odd to me. I always breastfed in the sitting room with any visitors as it was much more sociable.

CFSsucks
I agree with you. I bf and mostly ff. I think its a bloody insult to ff mums. Cotto does sound very clingy and neurotic.

I'm sorry but what a load of bollocks Cotto about the bond ffeeding mums don't have with their babies.

You also made a comment up thread about the majority of mothers in 60's/70's feeding with formula thus not understanding the 'bond' or words to that effect, where's your evidence for that?