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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset....

419 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:36

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 27/12/2015 10:39

As much as you are excited I can see why for an adult son it's not the best thing to look forward to. Go and enjoy it and don't worry about step son

AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 10:39

OP can you invite your parents now? I understand your disappointment at thinking it was going to be a happy family occasion but to be honest you've built yourself up for failure, families are rarely the happy picture we have in our minds. Go and enjoy it and push it out your mind.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 27/12/2015 10:40

I agree about the making a commitment thing, but why would you want loads of people at your scan? What if it shows up a problem?

clam · 27/12/2015 10:40

In the nicest possible way, yes I think YABU.

You view it as a lovely thing to do, but I can't think of many teenaged boys who would even entertain the idea. And if they have to be "persuaded" to come, then really, it's not going to be the lovely bonding treat you had in mind.

Creampastry · 27/12/2015 10:41

Sorry but it is only a nice thing for you and dh, not for step kids or other kids. If they are older they might be grossed out that you are actually having sex! Plus they then think of how the baby cones out!!!

Branleuse · 27/12/2015 10:44

i dont see why your stepsons would be interested tbh. I do think youre being a bit unreasonable. Your parents would have been a better choice

GloriaHotcakes · 27/12/2015 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 27/12/2015 10:45

I agree with ChoudeBruxelles. It is a big event for you, but I can totally understand why your stepsons are not the slightest bit interested. At this stage of life their social life is far more interesting, and your pregnancy is not a big deal for them. If I got pregnant again now (which is an impossibility) I know perfectly well that DD (15) wouldn't want to come with me for a scan.

I didn't know you could have a scan on a Sunday or have five people in with you either.

In the gentlest way YABU. Scans are only interesting to the parents to be.

Needtobebetter · 27/12/2015 10:45

It's exciting for you but until the baby gets here I can't see how it's that exciting for your DS or DSS. They won't really get it at all.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2015 10:45

But isn't the purpose of a scan to check everything's alright? What will you do with your audience if something is wrong? Obviously I hope everything's alright, but you're taking a gamble, aren't you?

trinity0097 · 27/12/2015 10:47

My first thought was that it was one of those Asda ones where they then make a figurine????

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2015 10:49

How old are they? I'm not sure I would have wanted to go to my mum's scan if she'd had another baby. A nice family outing would
be going for a meal, walk or bowling or something- a medical procedure not so much.

The sad truth is that only really you and your husband will be very excited about scans etc.

pictish · 27/12/2015 10:49

With the best of intentions yabu. An invitation to your scan isn't a treat for your adult stepsons. Scans aren't actually a sweet courtesy, they're a procedure to check the baby is growing properly.
It's an intimacy for your husband to share. You leave those lads alone.

Oysterbabe · 27/12/2015 10:50

He's an adult and can do what he wants. Scans are only interesting to the parents.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2015 10:51

Sorry OP but I'm afraid I agree with others - I don't think I know any young adult men who would be interested in going to a scan unless it was their own baby.

Would there even be any room in the cubicle for three "extra" folk? even if they wanted to come? Confused

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 27/12/2015 10:52

Erm, yabvu! Scans are really not going to be that interesting to a child/teenager-I'm not sure why you thought it would be tbh

Go with DH and enjoy it and leave your SDS be and let them get on with their plans

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:53

Sorry perhaps I wasn't clear originally, this is not a medical scan, we went just us to those, this is one of those fun 3D ones, big room huge screens sofas etc. Ds came to gender scan and loved it and has been asking if we can do the 3D one ever since, I wasn't too fussed tbh. We didn't invite older boys to first one as thought they wouldn't be bothered but elder seemed a bit hurt, hence the second scan today so everyone could be included

OP posts:
Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:56

And he said he was uber excited at the time, keeps saying he can't wait for baby to be born etc etc......I really wasn't bothered for my own benefit I can feel and see her wriggling all the time, this was about making them feel included and making up up for not being at gender scan

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 27/12/2015 10:56

I still wouldn't pressurise anyone who doesn't want to be there to go. I can't imagine that a baby scan is very interesting to your stepsons.

Maybe it's just me, but the idea of seeing a baby scan on a big screen with comfy sofas etc sounds a bit weird. Will you be taking popcorn?

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 27/12/2015 10:57

A treat for children isn't a 3d scan of their step mums pregnancy Hmm

Scans are for the babies parents, not a cinema screening with an audience. How very weird.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2015 10:58

Big screens?

Sofas?

Is this the latest thing now? Confused

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2015 10:59

I can't think of anything worse than going to someone else's scan regardless of if I was related to them.

I can be excited for stone having a baby without going along to a scan.

Bunbaker · 27/12/2015 10:59

I'm beginning to wonder if this is a wind up now.
Nachos anyone?

RaskolnikovsGarret · 27/12/2015 10:59

Sorry OP, this is one of the most unusual things I have read. I can't imagine anyone being interested in this except the parents, and I don't know any young men who would, step parent or otherwise. Wouldn't they find it a bit strange?

Having said that, they shouldn't have said yes at the beginning and raised your hopes. Maybe they were too polite to say no?

Oysterbabe · 27/12/2015 11:01

Yep there's a place by us that does them and you can purchase different packages.
Each to their own but we decided against. I want to see my baby's face for the first time when it's born and they do look a bit alien in those scans. We didn't find out the gender either.

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