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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset....

419 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:36

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

OP posts:
PicaK · 27/12/2015 12:07

Scans like this are LOVELY. When you know everything is well and they are something you are going to treasure they are a joy. And really seeing as they're not harming anyone i don't understand why people are being so sneery.
DSS was upset he didn't get to go last time, excited about going then changing his mind.
I'd be tempted to just double check that he knows he's welcome and wanted there. You never know what someone might have said to him to cast doubt in his mind.
And then let it go. Enjoy the scan. Pity about your parents not being there i know but they'll see the real thing soon enough.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2015 12:08

Just invite your folks. The SS was probably just putting on an act. Maybe he roped in the guest as a convenient get out.

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2015 12:09

ds has been asking for the full "experience" ever since
In the name of God, why?? Why does he even know it's a thing? I can guess, actually
Just calm the hell down and tell him he'll get the full experience when the baby is actually here...

Stillunexpected · 27/12/2015 12:10

Just asked DS1 (17)if he would be interested in going to something like this and he looked at me as if I was mad! Accept that the scan is only fun and of interest to a very small group of people and that does not include your step-sons.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/12/2015 12:18

He showed interest so to say kids of that age aren't fussed is silly. He said he would be there. The rudeness comes from making other plans and refusing to change them after saying he would come. Your husband is a total wet prat for allowing his child to be rude. The issue is the rudeness not the non existent non interest.

KateReddy · 27/12/2015 12:19

My teenagers would have be anaesthetised before agreeing to attend something like that!

As another poster who found out their baby had no heartbeat at a scan at 22 weeks I wouldn't take anyone but my DH to a scan.

BatsUpMyNightie · 27/12/2015 12:20

Well I'll go to t'foot of our stairs if this isn't the damned strangest thing I've ever read on here.

Seriously - is this real? Uber fun? Super-fun? Audiences of 15 for a scan of your unborn baby? Popcorn and fizzy drinks?
I do sometimes think everyone has gone quite quite mad Grin

TheSpectreOfMorningtonCrescent · 27/12/2015 12:25

Seeing Star Wars in 3D is a fun family treat, 3D scan, er no.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/12/2015 12:26

Op if you want to have extra scans that's your business and I think some of the comments on here are most unkind. However I suspect this may be a classic case of mistaking manners for enthusiasm in your step sons.

Enjoy your scan, ask your parents if they're about and have a lovely time but don't hold it against your step sons that they don't prioritise it as highly as you do.

maddy68 · 27/12/2015 12:29

Honestly yabu
While it is lovely that you invited them, I think it's a bit weird. That should be something for you and your partner I think.
Show them the pic afterwards (they really aren't that interested. )
They will only become interested when the baby arrives

PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 12:45

Op I know you are excited and sorry to hear your disappointment however YABU and very sensitive. This is exciting for parents normally and maybe some GP but I can't see teenagers or adult sons been all that interested. Maybe they were just trying to be nice by showing some interest.

It's Christmas I bet they would rather be out with their friends. I think you need to give them a break on this.

Sweetsweetjane · 27/12/2015 12:47

Totally flattened? ....you should be uber bouyant and uber excited to see a 3/4d image of your almost fully formed child, not worrying about non attendees.
If you're flattened by the stepchildren's non attendance then you probably shouldn't go at all, you don't want to remember it as such a flat experience when it was meant to be super fun.
As an aside, when I was pregnant the thought of those scans creeped me right out. The pictures look weird and I didn't want to add to my first time anxiety by thinking that my baby might actually look like that when it was born.

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 12:48

Obviously I was very misguided in my style of creating an inclusive experience, I personally would be over the moon to be invited and share someone's excitement and really this was for them not me, it was well meant, all be it a misguided gesture. My intention was they felt like they were welcome and important after I was concerned my assumption they wouldn't be bothered before lead to them feeling left out and hurt. I would not have booked it had interest not been shown in the first place, they are 20 something's not teenagers. Anyway the crux of this was everyone came and when reality kicked in and there was little sister yawning and rubbing her nose live on screen awe and wonder took over. Ds loved it as expected, dss Also admitted it was extremely cool to think that was a live picture of something inside me. Step sons girlfriend seemed most interested ( must be a girl thing) My upset earlier was mostly due to dh making me feel my disappointment was unjustified. I can see from what everyone is saying that I shouldn't have bothered booking it in the first place, even if I was asked to as generally people don't find scans interesting just a small minority of us. The place was absolutely rammed with family groups and although we are 5 minutes away people had come from far and wide so I'm not completely alone.

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 27/12/2015 12:49

This is bats Confused

Bunbaker · 27/12/2015 12:52

I'm pleased it went well for you.

"I personally would be over the moon to be invited and share someone's excitement"

I wouldn't and I don't think I'm in the minority. I would go with someone for hand holding if it was required though.

StillaChocoholic · 27/12/2015 12:55

I was 18 when my mum got pregnant with my youngest brother, my other brother was 14. We went to a 4D scan as a family because we were excited and couldn't wait to see our little brother. It was a really nice and quite interesting to see.
When I was pregnant husband and I had a 4D scan done around this time of year, that was the only scan husband was able to come to due to work.
I'm quite surprised at some of the crappy comments on here.
I'm glad you had a nice scan after all OP.

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2015 12:57

Your step sons girlfriend?? Dear Jesus.

Maryz · 27/12/2015 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/12/2015 13:01

Well, fuck me sideways.

Your SS's girlfriend??

So you all sat around crying over your insides?!

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 13:01

So the 20 something man eventually got dragged along out of obligation/guilt? And you're honestly saying the experience was for them and not you?

I'm glad it went well but for the sake of your future relationship with them (and theirs with their new sister), perhaps try to take a step back in the future?

Remember only two people decided to have this baby and that was you and your DP.

Good luck with the birth Thanks

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 13:02

I agree with most others, not sure why your upset, not everyone wants to be at a scan, its your baby not theirs, cut them some slack.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 13:04

by the way your disappointment was unjustified, your husband is right.

TheGullibleGull · 27/12/2015 13:13

I agree that your disappointment was totally unjustified and I also think your DSSs are either very good actors or just a bit hmm...unusual.

MrsCampbellBlack · 27/12/2015 13:14

This thread has made me laugh so much Grin

Glad it all worked out though.

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 13:16

Thanks to picak and goingtobeawesome, I think you got what I was feeling hurt about. This was never about IF the older boys were interested, I completely would get it if they didn't fancy it HENCE my not inviting them first time out, which turned out to be a boo boo as they felt snubbed.
And to everyone sneering at private 4 d scanning I completely agreed with you, until I had a little trial and realised those weird warped images you see as still pictures are not a good representation of the experience. When seen live a totally different picture emerges and you can see the baby moving and pulling faces and yawning etc, the big screens are so everyone can see clearly unlike the medical scan where you crane your head to peer at a computer monitor that is facing away from you. I would have happily passed on today's scan but booked it to make up for causing earlier hurt. And yes, I do find looking at any baby, mine or other people's absolutely awe inspiring and ' super fun'. To be able to look on an unborn child's face is actually really special for me, and as it turned out in the end, for them too. I didn't have a happy 1st pregnancy, it was actually really traumatic (for reasons that don't relate to this post ) so yes I am relishing being able to share this time as a happy experience with a family who actually want the child and are looking forward to a new family member. Maybe I was over excited, but it was done out of love and kindness and a desire to make everyone feel important to me.

OP posts:
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