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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU do think 12 is too young for lace underthings.

293 replies

Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 21:53

My daughter went shopping with my ex husband fiancé today and came home with several lace bra and panty sets. I've put them aside. She is developed for 12 but I think cotton is more appropriate. At what age should this be allowed?

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 19/12/2015 21:55

I just asked my 11yo if he would like lacy underwear and he said it would be too itchy .

dementedpixie · 19/12/2015 21:55

Who will see it except her?

sooperdooper · 19/12/2015 21:56

It's not sonethung I've ever coneudered tbh, if they fit her is it really an issue?

timelytess · 19/12/2015 21:58

I bought my daughter silk French knickers and camisole when she was five-ish. It doesn't seem to have scarred her at all, and she's 33 now.
Its fine to like pretty undies.

Why does the 'step-mum' figure think she should be buying underwear for your daughter at all?

Original poster
Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 21:58

Nobody will see it but her. I'm not sure why I feel so uncomfortable about it. I didn't own anything like that till University

OP posts:
cardibach · 19/12/2015 21:58

I don't understand your problem with lace, sorry. Why do you think it is inappropriate?

Snowglobe1 · 19/12/2015 21:58

I don't see a problem with it at all. I mean, I assume you're not talking about red and black push up type stuff, just a bit of lace?

TaliZorah · 19/12/2015 21:58

I don't see what's wrong with it

Brightnorthernlights · 19/12/2015 21:58

I wouldn't have a problem with the fabric ie lace, but would if the style was inappropriate, such as push up or under wired bras or thong like knickers. Lace itself wouldn't be a problem for me.

MamaLazarou · 19/12/2015 21:59

No, not a problem at all, IMO. I would have loved lacy undies when I was 12.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 22:00

To my surprise, this makes me squirm a bit. I thought I was so liberal!

I suppose it feels a bit more grown up - underwear like that is "designed" to be seen by one's partner, after all. If I were the stepmum-to-be, I would have checked with actual mum first, tbh.

Bearbehind · 19/12/2015 22:00

I just asked my 11yo if he would like lacy underwear and he said it would be too itchy .

Hmm
PresidentUnderwood · 19/12/2015 22:01

ExH's fiancé seems a bit thoughtless shopping with your DD for undies she wouldn't normally be allowed.

However, if your DD wants Lacey undies then why not? Empowering young women to feel good about themselves for their sake and not some bloke is a great lesson

Original poster
Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 22:01

its the first time they really went shopping together. I thought underthings were an odd choice to but im trying to not get upset about it. I'm sure it was innocent that way.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 19/12/2015 22:02

Seems odd to me. I think cotton would be much more comfy and appropriate.

Original poster
Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 22:04

The bras are under wired which is a first to. I think Goodnightdarthvader is close to the mark on why I feel uncomfortable. It suggests being seen rather than function. I don't mind pretty but these seem mature for her.

OP posts:
camtt · 19/12/2015 22:05

I would think it was inappropriate because you are talking here about underwear that has a provocative or sexual implication and she is 12 and her father and fiancee are parents/ in loco parentis. I wouldn't be happy at all.

pookamoo · 19/12/2015 22:06

Are underwires recommended for 12 year olds? i.e. still developing? I thought not.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 22:06

Empowering young women to feel good about themselves for their sake and not some bloke is a great lesson

But you don't know what her motivation is for wanting these. Is there a boy / girl she's wanting to impress? Or is it for herself only, really? Is it because it's more 'grown up'? You can't assume that 12 yo girls are completely blind to sex.

steppemum · 19/12/2015 22:06

I think you are over thinking it. If she likes them and is happy, who is going to see it?

pookamoo · 19/12/2015 22:07

pressed enter too soon!

I thought not, but could be wrong - wouldn't they possibly cause damage?

I'd be more concerned by the wires than the lace, to be honest, and only from a health point of view.

janethegirl2 · 19/12/2015 22:07

I wouldn't bat an eyelid, as my dd had that sort of underwear at that age as she liked it. Not for school wear but for weekends and holidays.

Original poster
Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 22:09

I think she'd want them because they seem more grown up. I understand that completely. I haven't told her one way or the other yet. Just thinking it over. I Didn't think about the underwire being unhealthy

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 22:12

I'd be tempted to have a frank but gentle talk about why she was interested in these. Despite all talk of this being "empowering", I hope she doesn't believe that she has to dress up like a Victoria's Secret model in order to be attractive.

NotSayingImBatman · 19/12/2015 22:13

I'm trying to imagine a scenario in which I'd buy a five year old silk French knickers and I'm drawing a blank.

I don't posess a five year old girl, but friend's kids seem more impressed about having Peppa Pig on their pants and none, as far as I'm aware, have ever expressed a desire for adult lingerie.