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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU do think 12 is too young for lace underthings.

293 replies

Tiptoethroughthetinsel · 19/12/2015 21:53

My daughter went shopping with my ex husband fiancé today and came home with several lace bra and panty sets. I've put them aside. She is developed for 12 but I think cotton is more appropriate. At what age should this be allowed?

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 11:53

I disagree that lace is but I can see WHY, underwires though are for support

Really not sure why you're wilfully refusing to acknowledge that underwire is for support, yes, but ALSO to push your breasts up and make them bouncy and visually attractive.

Think about it - why do non-underwired bras (for adult women, even) tend to have the full-coverage, dowdy 1940s look? And underwired lacy bras are silky and lacy and slightly revealing in the cleavage region?

helenahandbag · 21/12/2015 11:59

Think about it - why do non-underwired bras (for adult women, even) tend to have the full-coverage, dowdy 1940s look? And underwired lacy bras are silky and lacy and slightly revealing in the cleavage region

Trust me, I'm a 34GG and trying to find a dainty, sexy underwired bra is like trying to find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Unless I want to spend £££ all of my supportive, underwired bras are dowdy. And only plunge bras are revealing, balconette bras are supportive without giving a mammoth cleavage.

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 12:02

goodnight that entirely depends on the type of bra. Non underwired bras look like that because a bra with less coverage won't provide ANY support without wires.

dratsea · 21/12/2015 12:02

goodnight I was proactive with the razor having found myself sprouting wings on my top lip and felt a bit unsupported in "growing up", perhaps like but not as bad as starting periods without warning and like many parents I wanted to support my children. I took no part in selecting dd underwear but by age 13 there were small "adult" knickers in the wash and within a couple of years she not only had full Goth kit with doc martens, dyed black hair, but there were also black and scarlet scanties in the wash, but perhaps I miss-attributed them and there is just another side to dw?

If I were a single parent with a daughter of 12 and she chose to buy some frilly underwear (I guess it would have had to be with help of my mum, she would have had no problem with it, I would have failed totally) I would accept it. In no way would I make either of my children wear age inappropriate clothes, but on the other hand they were forever dressing up, there was a special box at Grandmas with all sorts of treasures. And I had no problem with dd and friends dressing up ds age 12, makeup, dress (I think even a bra) and a wig. Scrubbed up well as a second dd! Age 15 he is happy to let his female friends put make-up on him. Am I a bad parent and allowing him into ?gender confusion. I hope not. And before I get into too much trouble both dw and dd do "mens' jobs" and did/do them well.

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 12:03

Helena exactly. I'm a 28FF/G, not massive by any means and even in my size bras often look like utilitarian monstrosities unless I get them from a specialist place

itsmine · 21/12/2015 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 12:06

I don't see the colour as relevant no. I don't get this association with red some of you have. It's just a colour.

dratsea · 21/12/2015 12:10

Just seen a few more of posts, slightly worried. I am not sure but I think dd put ds in underwired bra! Is that really, really, really bad?

Worried (dad) of Tunbridge Wells

itsmine · 21/12/2015 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dratsea · 21/12/2015 12:18

OMG I think it was not only underwired but coloured as well (all most of dd's were)

Very Very Worried (dad) of Tunbridge Wells

itsmine · 21/12/2015 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollinhurst84 · 21/12/2015 12:21

Non under wired don't always look dowdy, but that's usually when they're more of a triangle bra
If you want any support and shape, they have to be full coverage as such to replace the wire and give the shaping
Having a large chest from a teen, I have always needed underwire. Nothing in the world will make mine "bouncy" and there is nothing revealing about mine!

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 12:24

Sexy undies are subjective. Red isn't any more sexy than green or blue. It's a freaking colour.

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 12:24

dratsea I have a sexy bra. But it's all black. Guess it's not sexy then as it's not red Shock

DragonRojo · 21/12/2015 13:12

I was in Victoria's Secret yesterday with a friend who has teenage daughters. I don't have girls, so I can only go by what I saw in the shop. It was packed with teenagers, from the very young to the almost adults. The sets were very colourful and many had lace. The girls were loving them. I think teenagers nowadays are seeing underwear with different eyes. When I was growing up, colourful clothes were expensive and rather unusual. The arrival of Benetton with its colourful clothes was a revolution. I don't think they see red colour or lace with the same connotations that we used to. Lace is all made in the Far East and it is dead cheap, so it is everywhere. There is nothing luxurious or particularly seedy about it any more

itsbetterthanabox · 21/12/2015 13:19

Itsmine no one is pretending black or red is find. It is fine. It's just a colour!
Forcing girls going through puberty into white underwear that make having scatty periods 100% more embarrassing just to satisfy your weird issues with sexuality is not fine.

Anotherusername1 · 21/12/2015 13:52

I think black, purple, navy and red underwear is better once you've started your periods, for obvious reasons. It only took me until I was about 29 to stop wearing white underwear, I can't believe I was so stupid!

As for the lace, it can be very pretty, and I think the distinction between pretty and sexy is fairly obvious, whatever the colour. I don't find lots of lace very comfortable though.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 15:26

Dratsea, you have totally missed the point of my post. And growing a beard is nothing like starting your period, but nice try.

Gowgirl · 21/12/2015 15:58

I'm doomed!
I watched Cinderella with my 9 mo Dd (and thouroughly enjoyed it) but she will NEVER have a career now!Grin

itsmine · 21/12/2015 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 16:19

It's one. I missed that comment. What the what? Why do people have to twist perfectly reasonable statements into "you have weird sexual issues and are insisting that all teens wear white cotton underwear". Nuts.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 16:20

Itsmine, not it's one*

Helenluvsrob · 21/12/2015 16:32

Can I just pop in to say underwires and lace at 12 can be fine and actually can be all you can get if you have a 28E bust.

We had " the chat" from M+S when one of mine was 11 and already a " bravissimo girl" when we went to try to get a cheaper M+S bra too. THey were frankly rude and, thank goodness DD didn't have a fragile self esteem "you shouldn't be wearing wires at your age" .... I didn't but wanted to say " well go on then fit her with a non wired bra!". We left when they got into the " oh, ummm well go up a bra band and down a cup that should do" business!

itsmine · 21/12/2015 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randomsabreuse · 21/12/2015 17:02

I developed in early teens. The bras available in 32E were frankly ugly scaffolding like things. They were uncool and were definitely underwired.

An underwire is for support and comfort (massively missing mine as nursing bras aren't) and gives a more flattering shape when clothed. These are things it is good to get right young. Nice undies are more for the wearer than anyone else IMO.

My only issue would be that bra would not be appropriate under a school shirt as I'm pretty old fashioned about coloured bra white blouse but the cup has good coverage on the photo.

Cotton bras were pretty useless IMO and all my M&S pants have cotton gussets.

FWIW my stepmum took me bra shopping - she was a similar shape so understood the correct fit which my mum did not!