AIBU do think 12 is too young for lace underthings.

[Tiptoethroughthetinsel]

My daughter went shopping with my ex husband fiancé today and came home with several lace bra and panty sets. I've put them aside. She is developed for 12 but I think cotton is more appropriate. At what age should this be allowed?

You can get underwired bras that don't like lingerie, or like 1940s bullet-tit bras. There's a compromise to be had.

Whit is OK but black/red is not? Just that I've had a more than one BF with a penchant for white bra and pants sets! Its all a bit 'naughty nurse' isn't it...

Maybe we should just force all teenagers into their mum's old manky grey cast offs? No chance of being sexy then.

The reason it's weird issues with sexuality is that you are attributing a sexual attitude or behaviour onto an article of clothing and then saying no teens shouldn't wear it in case they start to have that attitude or behaviour.

So to those people who think it's just clothes, would you draw the line at a 12 year old wearing any type of underwear?

waiting unless it was explicitly sexual like unsupportive cut out bras, I'd be okay with any underwear.

I'd be interested to know which of the posters have prepubescent daughters or experience with girls of this age other than just having been one?

As I said I don't think the set linked to is appropriate and neither does dd. The colour issue is well documented in anthropology studies, the wearing of the colour red especially is reminiscent of the sexual organs reddening in response to arousal etc etc

Peer pressure is extremely difficult to navigate and handle. I hope I've brought up dd well thus far, she's doing well at school and isn't pregnant or an addict at least. But she still worries far too much about what her peers - even the ones she doesn't necessarily like or respect, think of her, including appearance. I am constantly reassuring and talking to her about it being OK to make her own (age appropriate) choices on this.

I don't think lace is bad in and of itself. I was a C cup when I started secondary, with a narrow back, so I needed 'proper' bras. Actually a woman in a very 'old fashioned' department store measured me and took my mum to one side regarding 'soft cup' or t-shirt bras. (Not in front of me, but she told me later).

Most of my early bras were lacy, some were black and yes, I did get comments in the changing rooms at school. I am big of boob though and at 34, having worn well-fitting, good quality bras from a young age, I am doing pretty well in terms of sagging.

I don't have DC, so not sure what I'd do. Obviously if she's booby, a correctly fitting bra is a good thing and actually I prefer lace than anything stretchy. If the bra was plain white of plain black, might be just fine. One thing I recall is that my mum practically never bought me matching sets (couple of times when the pants were very conservative, maybe). I actually think that's a good thing as bra was (yes, cute, because I wanted to look nice in the mirror) primarily functional, even if I wanted it to be pretty.

To be honest, I needed underwiring at 12 :(

If she is quite developed, I think it can be a nice thing to buy some grown up underwear, not for any other reason than it makes you feel sophisticated and special at a time when you often feel quite the opposite.

I think it's possible that you feel uncomfortable about it because it's your EXH's fiancee who bought them for her. Is there a chance you wish it had been something you could do together with your daughter?

I think I was 13 when my mum bought me my first 'grown-up' underwear. it was white cotton with lace trimming, underwired bra but not padded. Nice knickers, nothing raunchy. It used to make me feel better knowing I was wearing it, a bit more confident, like a secret suit of armour. It certainly wasn't for the benefit of any boy. I would have been mortified if anyone had actually seen me in it.

I would let her wear the knickers and, if the bras have tags swap for a no wire version. Speak to the step mum figure, who may not understand the medical issue, and say it's fine to buy lacy but not under wired.
It sounds as though she is just trying to bond with your dd.

Baconyum would these be innapropriate then? m.newlook.com/shop/teens/underwear-and-nightwear/teens-3-pack-red-blue-and-white-christmas-print-briefs_361058469

Baconyum gets it.

Box, don't be fucking stupid.

There is no medical concern with underwired bras

Goodnightdarth why is it stupid? If we attribute sex to colour then why wouldn't those be seen as raunchy?

Box they're naff but the patterning detracts from the colour I feel and I do think you're being facetious tbh.

I don't understand why some posters are trying to insist there is no association between 'sexy' underwear and red and black colours. There is. As a previous poster said - have a look in the underwear section of Anne Summers. Red and black underwear especially coupled with lace/ see through mesh is a signaller of sex in our culture.

A theoretical discussion of why a colour is just a colour is disingenous in this scenario.

You could argue in a similar fashion that a basque is simply a longer line bra, is warmer and gives good support. I still don't think many parents want their 12 year olds in them.

Anyway, OP seems to have reached a good resolution about it all.

I kind of get where you are coming from OP.
Probably because im a cotton undies kind of girl. Your DD prob thought she was being grown up. Underwired bra not a good idea for growing boobs. I was told by surgeon underwired not good anyway. That was just an added thought.

It's stupid because colour isn't everything. It's colour and look (lace, see through mesh, etc) which makes these underwear clearly "sexy". People pretending these design signifiers don't exist are being wilfully ignorant.