AIBU do think 12 is too young for lace underthings.

[Tiptoethroughthetinsel]

My daughter went shopping with my ex husband fiancé today and came home with several lace bra and panty sets. I've put them aside. She is developed for 12 but I think cotton is more appropriate. At what age should this be allowed?

I'm not really sure underwear is empowering. I'd rather she found empowerment through her smarts

I don't see the issue but then I couldn't wait to buy nice undies rather than the Cotton big pant types. I developed quite early on, if it's what your DD asked for i think it's fine.

Maybe I'm being silly. I'll talk to her about it

batman the ops daughter is 12 not 5. So I don't think peppa pig will cut it

I think it's fine tbh if that's what she chose. She wearing them so whatever's comfiest and she likes

I have boys, but they have never worn ' Thomas the tank' type pants. Always proper boxer trunks like Dh but obviously smaller

Also if she's in secondary now she will be seeing other girls who may already have this type of underwear getting changed for sports and might feel a bit babyish is she's still in cotton "boring" undies.

Notsaying - they were available (don't think they're around now) and they were like my pretty underwear. My child was very interested in clothes. There was no 'Peppa Pig' (wouldn't have anything like that on underwear, or any clothing, anyway) in those days. It didn't need a 'scenario', it was just a happy purchase. I suppose the answer 'Why?' is 'because they were there'. Or 'because I could'.

Piffle to empowering women by keeping them in plain cotton underwear. You can love the lace and still fight the patriarchy.

I am pretty sure that underwire is not a good choice for young girls. I think really it is for a c cup or bigger and is bad for the breast tissue but I am not a doctor so don t know
www.noo-noos.com/first-bra

I would go mental on 2 counts.

Firstly that she was shopping for underwear with my dd, completely a no go as I'd see that as my job.

She didn't check with you and she has no right. I'd also be worried about her motivation.

My dd is nearly 12 and has normal cotton knickers with lace at the top, but proper womens underwear I draw a line.

I had lacy knickers at 12, just liked them. Nothing provacative. I didn't have boobs though.

As soon as I had boobs (around 14) I wore lace, padded, underwire bras. Padded so you couldn't see my nipple, not to make them bigger. My mum didn't mind, and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18, so it isn't like I was slutty or precocious.

I bought underwear because I liked it, I felt nice in it, not because I wanted to be seen in it.

I do get where you're coming from OP, it's always a struggle when they start to grow up.

After thinking about it I'd say yes, if she was 8 or 10 even then no but keeping her in cotton when she's due to go to secondary school probably isn't the best idea. Kids have a lot of peer pressure and need to fit in.

I was wearing lace underwear sets and underwire at 12 because they were pretty and comfortable. The thought of them being sexual or for someone to see them never occurred to me. In our adult brains we see them like that.

New - it's only underwear, why does it matter who bought it?

I have to be careful to. I want DD and her future Step Mum to have a good relationship and I know she wants to be seen as cool. I already had to take make up ( red lipstick and foundation) off her last week. I don't want to seem like I'm going to veto everything. I want to be cool to but I also don't want too much too young.

New - I could understand if a bf had brought it but it's get dads fiancée. Maybe she asked her too because she thought her mum wouldn't buy it.

I'd also be worried about her motivation.

Nothing sinister here. Her motivation is to be the "cool" step-mum, isn't that obvious?

I'm guessing if it's lacy underwear it doesn't have a cotton gusset. Not comfortable or terribly good for letting skin breathe. Not great in puberty, tbh.

Underwear is not slutty it's just underwear!

Just buy what fits you and you like, job done, end of!

Wtf is this crap about slutty underwear? It says more about the accuser than the wearer!!

I wore lace knickers and thongs at that age because they were comfortable. I've always had a larger bottom, and struggled in large granny cottons. They were comfy and pretty, nothing more.

OP, did the make up come from the step-mum?

If so, a serious conversation with step-mum is in order.

I don't think it's appropriate.

Plus isn't cotton better as its breathable?

Art

Because to me it's something you do with your mum or the nearest person you see as a mum, not a step mum.
It's just my opinion and I know I wouldn't be happy at all.
Also because of the type though and the fact the OP is asking about suitability aren't the type she would buy.

I never said it was slutty

She did buy her the make up. I told DD she couldn't wear make up until she turns washing her face twice a day into a religion.

DD is 14 and I've been finding lacy knickers and bras in her room for a while now- at least a year- so not much older than your DD.

She buys them herself when she goes clothes shopping. I still buy her packs of 5 cotton pants when I'm getting them.

I don't really mind, I think it's all part of growing up and the ones she picks are usually neon pink or orange so seem fun rather than tacky.

I am more uncomfortable with the stepmother thinking it's OK to buy your daughter underwear...that is a line crossed in my opinion.