Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Contribution for Christmas

148 replies

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 18:24

SIL has invited everyone to hers for Christmas rather than us going to PIL. We will be staying for one night as it is a long way from home. She's just called to ask us to bring the wine, the cheeseboard and £30 toward the meal. There are 4 of us (me DH a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
SIL and husband both in work, I'm not aware of any money troubles. I'm on unpaid maternity leave at the moment so managing on DH's wage. Not struggling but probably earning less than they are.
I think we'll probably end up spending about £60 on wine (PIL and SIL's husband big drinkers) plus however much a cheeseboard is plus the £30 so we're looking at probably £100 contribution in total. We can afford this but I would never charge my family for Christmas dinner..
Is there unreasonableness here? Completely prepared to suck it up if I'm wrong!

OP posts:
Blueberry234 · 19/12/2015 18:25

I am not sure as I wouldn't expect an invite without being asked to provide something but the cash contribution on top of bringing food and drink seems cheeky

WipsGlitter · 19/12/2015 18:27

Hmmmm. I'm going to my Sayers and will bring wine and a trifle abs maybe crackers. There's no way in a million years she would ask me for money.

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/12/2015 18:27

Are you sure it's wine, cheese and money, not wine, cheese or money?
If so, that's really cheeky and I'd be tempted to decline the "kind" offer and stay at home.

poocatcherchampion · 19/12/2015 18:27

Seems a lot. But we will contribute to my sister's cooking this year. First year not at parents when we didn't pay

ToffeeForEveryone · 19/12/2015 18:29

I think asking you to bring a dish / wine etc is fair game (although a bit short notice if she's only just mentioned it!). Asking for a ££ contribution is a bit rude though, not exactly very festive or welcoming. If she needed people to chip in so she could afford to host, the time to mention it was when plans were being set up. It would be hard for a lot of people to find £100 they haven't budgeted for a week before Xmas.

Just make sure to repeat the favour if she's ever invited to yours ...

TempusEedjit · 19/12/2015 18:29

Cheeky of SIL, for £100 you could have your own Christmas spending it exactly how you want to.

PandasRock · 19/12/2015 18:29

I think there could have been more notice and discussion about this, perhaps when the invite was extended.

On the other hand, I'd never dream of turning up to stay with people (Christmas or not) without gifts of some sort - usually wine and chocs, maybe flowers plus possible other gifts (sometimes food related, sometimes not). Last time we spent Christmas with relatives we took wine, pâté and caviar, and probably some other bits and pieces (fruit in alcohol and biscuits for cheese spring to mind, but it was a fair few years ago!)

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2015 18:30

Cheeky fucker asking for cash

If she cant afford to have people round to dinner, she shouldn't invite them.

Didiusfalco · 19/12/2015 18:37

The cheese and wine should definitely be enough as both are a pricey part of the meal, the request for cash on top seems excessive. For some reason i would be totally fine about being asked to bring something but would feel Hmm about a cash request - unless i knew the hosts were struggling, in which case i would have raised it with them.

Original poster
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 18:37

Oh absolutely agree re bringing something and happy to do so but the money just seems.... Unwelcoming

OP posts:
InTheBox · 19/12/2015 18:38

Wine and Cheeseboard I can understand but an extra cash contribution is very unreasonable. I'd tell them to stuff it.

GloriaHotcakes · 19/12/2015 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JT05 · 19/12/2015 18:42

I agree wine and cheese is ample contribution. If you feel that the money is a must, I'd check out the best deals on wine and cheese.

Jelliebabe1 · 19/12/2015 18:42

Crikey! You can get a whole Christmas dinner for 8 from Cook 8 for £100!!! Tell her to get that then she only has to bung in oven no prep! Lol I'm all for asking people to contribute a dish if necessary but that takes the biscuit!

RudeElf · 19/12/2015 18:43

Wine and dish is fair enough (although £60 seems quite a large contribution of wine!) but the cash on top i wouldnt bother with. Theyre hardly going to turn you away if you dont give any. I think its really odd for them to ask.

Topseyt · 19/12/2015 18:44

I think that asking guests for a cash contribution towards the meal is outrageously rude.

Asking people to contribute wine or cheese is acceptable because it is helpful to the hosts and many guests do like to feel they have made a valued contribution.

You are not being unreasonable. If SIL could not afford to host then she should not have offered to do it.

I'd be too embarrassed to ask my invited guests for money towards a meal I was hosting.

gamerchick · 19/12/2015 18:45

I would cancel on anyone who asked for money.

PreAdvent13610 · 19/12/2015 18:51

She is taking the piss.
Take her a packet of Biscuit s

Normally I would order a case of wine and get it delivered to the hosting family. However, after a request like this I would be tempted to take one bottle Aldi throwing wine and one small bit of cheese.

Probably best to get DH to have a conversation with her, arguments are generally best avoided.

knobblyknee · 19/12/2015 18:52

YANBU. Thats totally out of order.

Whatsinaname2011 · 19/12/2015 18:53

Is this DHs sister? If so I'd step back and let him debate it.

£100 is a crazy amount

pilates · 19/12/2015 18:53

Wine and cheeseboard is fine, but the cash contribution is rude.

ivykaty44 · 19/12/2015 18:56

You can get some good deals on wine in the supermarket, we usually go for £10 bottles reduced to £5 but for 60 pounds you could easily get 15 bottles of wine - which seems excessive for one meal. It's usually 6 wine glasses per bottle so that is 90 glasses of wine which would be an ample amount for 30 adults.

LaLyra · 19/12/2015 18:58

We always do cash contributions to Christmas dinner. The only reason specific people (either us or BIL) host is because there is space big enough for the tables. So everyone chips in and I wouldn't dream of expecting BIL to fund Christmas dinner for 19 people, and they wouldn't dream of expecting us to fund it.

That said it wasn't landed on anyone and this years contribution is around £20 each (less for kids) for everything for the meal so I don't think the cash contribution in itself is rude, but landing it on people without discussion is very, very rude.

nightandthelight · 19/12/2015 18:58

Agree wine and cheese fine but not cash! Horribly rude.

AliceScarlett · 19/12/2015 18:59

Yanbu! Very cheeky that is.