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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Contribution for Christmas

148 replies

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 18:24

SIL has invited everyone to hers for Christmas rather than us going to PIL. We will be staying for one night as it is a long way from home. She's just called to ask us to bring the wine, the cheeseboard and £30 toward the meal. There are 4 of us (me DH a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
SIL and husband both in work, I'm not aware of any money troubles. I'm on unpaid maternity leave at the moment so managing on DH's wage. Not struggling but probably earning less than they are.
I think we'll probably end up spending about £60 on wine (PIL and SIL's husband big drinkers) plus however much a cheeseboard is plus the £30 so we're looking at probably £100 contribution in total. We can afford this but I would never charge my family for Christmas dinner..
Is there unreasonableness here? Completely prepared to suck it up if I'm wrong!

OP posts:

Original poster

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 20/12/2015 12:02

Liebfraumilch and dairy Lee triangles it is feeling less annoyed today; nicely cheered up by you lot, thank you!
Am going to go along with it and not let it spoil anything (I bloody love Christmas) and just not accept any further Invitations from them.

OP posts:

Rachel0Greep · 20/12/2015 12:14

As others have said, I would certainly be cutting back on what I might have intended spending on wine and cheese, and I would make a complete song and dance of the handing over of the money, mentioning it at every possible opportunity. I'm flabbergasted at the notion of being told what to contribute in the form of a cash payment, on top of providing wine and cheese.

I would make sure to mention it in front of others, especially PIL. I would guess that they are unaware of the demand. Perhaps ask the hosts for an itemised bill, (just kidding OP).

Am glad to see you have said you won't accept any more invitations. Apart from anything else, it sounds a lot cheaper to stay at home.

Happy Christmas OP.

expatinscotland · 20/12/2015 13:07

Go to Aldi. There's perfectly nice stuff in there. Don't spend £60 on cheese and wine. And yy, don't accept invitations from them any more.

ValancyJane · 20/12/2015 14:04

I think it's perfectly acceptable to be asked to bring wine / cheese / pudding to Christmas dinner (we actually had to insist to PIL that we had to bring something past year - the cheese course is now ours and we go OTT!) but a money contribution is very cheeky! I could maybe see that it might be acceptable in some families if you weren't bringing food / drink, but I think on top of that its taking the piss!

SauvignonBlanche · 20/12/2015 14:08

Have you spoken to your SIL yourself at all? Your DH may have got it wrong and you're just being asked to bring a bottle of wine.

yorkshapudding · 20/12/2015 14:12

Haven't RTFT but I think it's really bad manners to invite people for dinner and then ask for money a week before the event! If she can't afford to host Christmas, she shouldn't offer to do so. Asking guests to bring a bottle is fine but asking one guest to bring "the wine", as in all the wine for the whole event is something else altogether, especially if the guests are likely to put away quite a bit. If every guest is paying a £30 entry fee and being asked to provide a significant amount of food and drink, what exactly are the 'hosts' paying for? It sounds as if SIL wants to play the generous hostess without actually having to spend any of her own money.

There is no way I would turn up to anyone's house empty handed but enough wine for several people, a cheese board and £30 is too much. I would inform them that when I accepted their kind invitation I wasn't aware it would cost me £100 so I would bring a few bottles of wine (decent stuff but don't go overboard) and some cheeses but don't feel o could stretch to cash on top of that. I would add that if they feel that's unreasonable they can feel free to rescind their invitation.

Klaptrap · 20/12/2015 14:15

That is outrageously rude of them!

If they can't afford to host Christmas then they shouldn't have offered. If they can afford it then they are being grabby!

YANBU!

Rainbunny · 20/12/2015 14:26

Well unless your DH and DC really really want to go I think I'd use the cash request as an excuse to stay at home and enjoy a fuss free Christmas. I'd probably just say "Thanks for the offer but with me being out on unpaid maternity leave we are being careful with our spending, so we will stay at home this year."

Roussette · 20/12/2015 14:39

I've done for 10 and I've done for over 20 on Christmas Day and the very most I would expect (although 'expect' sounds awful!) is a bottle and a very kind offer of a pud or a salad for the evening and I am really grateful for that. Sometimes my siblings bring chocs too or a plant or flowers.

I'm just grateful when guests help clear up, wash up, do what they can.

If you can't afford to host you shouldn't, unless you have prior agreement from everyone to split the costs.

I would not be paying cash for a Christmas meal, that is just awful. I would take 2 bottles of wine and a couple of types of cheese.

onecurrantbun1 · 20/12/2015 14:47

I'm not really taking anything to my mum and dad's Christmas dinner... normally take a bottle of wine, a bottle of Schloer and hopefully a homemade cheesecake if I get my arse in gear. I will get my mum some flowers delivered this week too. I can see how your SIL has negated any goodwill with the asking for cash! YANBU.

GloriaHotcakes · 20/12/2015 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallybadidea · 20/12/2015 15:29

It certainly sounds like very bad manners, however there may be money worries that you just don't know about. People don't usually broadcast it when they're skint, so I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt unless this par for the course with them.

Bumpinthenight · 20/12/2015 15:49

Hang on...

You wouldn't charge them if they came to yours because it involves a plane/ferry?

So...Why are you spending £100ish if you have travelling expenses to get to them?

I would get cheeses from Lidl/Aldi - plate them up in advance so she can't judge what you have bought and take a couple of bottles of wine and that is it.

You can buy a full Christmas dinner from the Co-Op for a tenner. Judge her cooking before giving her 30 quid!

Witchend · 20/12/2015 16:35

I'm glad others think that's rude too. I got a text a week ago from dh's family suggesting that as we're going to them they'd split the bill and all pay part. And btw can you bring a Christmas cake.
I responded all the lines of "I think it's much easier on you if we all bring something to contribute... as you all did last year when you came to us"
I didn't go on to point out that they're all coming to us for Boxing day. That was my fall back comment if they'd tried to insist, and I'd have generously offered to share that bill rather than them bringing stuff --which they won't anyway-

Witchend · 20/12/2015 16:37

Italics and strike out obviously don't work on my phone.

Woodhill · 20/12/2015 16:41

I think it is dreadful. What a cheek. Some people are very grabby.

northern78 · 20/12/2015 16:54

Tesco have a cheese selection box for £4.00 plus 6 bottles of half price wine. So £34.00. Wouldn't spend more than that since you are being charged an entrance fee.

munkisocks · 20/12/2015 17:17

I think it's really rude to even ask for contributions. They wouldn't be expected where I am at Xmas but most people offer. To provide all of the wine is cheeky. It's probably the most expensive thing lol. I'd take one bottle and a pack of triangles.

findingmyfeet12 · 20/12/2015 17:24

Personally I wouldn't even ask guests to bring anything - if they did, it would be a bonus.

As someone else has said, if you can't afford to feed people don't invite them.

MintyChops · 20/12/2015 23:49

Very odd, totally ok to ask you to bring the cheese or pudding and some wine but not ALLthe wine AND the cheese AND Bloody cash too?? What is wrong with her, this is rude and so bizarre....

rollonthesummer · 28/12/2015 11:48

Did you go?!

Kaytee1987 · 28/12/2015 14:38

This is so cheeky!! We had 10 for Christmas, provided everything including booze, snacks later at night and breakfast the next day for those staying over. My mum offered to bring dessert but I said it was ok. Why invite people round and then charge them?
Op you need to tell us what happened.

Cutecat78 · 28/12/2015 15:48

I think wine for everyone is way out of line tbh - if you are a big drinker then provide your own drink. The cash it incredibly rude IMO.

I would expect to take something but this is taking the compete piss and I would be tempted to decline the invite.

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