Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Contribution for Christmas

148 replies

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 18:24

SIL has invited everyone to hers for Christmas rather than us going to PIL. We will be staying for one night as it is a long way from home. She's just called to ask us to bring the wine, the cheeseboard and £30 toward the meal. There are 4 of us (me DH a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
SIL and husband both in work, I'm not aware of any money troubles. I'm on unpaid maternity leave at the moment so managing on DH's wage. Not struggling but probably earning less than they are.
I think we'll probably end up spending about £60 on wine (PIL and SIL's husband big drinkers) plus however much a cheeseboard is plus the £30 so we're looking at probably £100 contribution in total. We can afford this but I would never charge my family for Christmas dinner..
Is there unreasonableness here? Completely prepared to suck it up if I'm wrong!

OP posts:
ghnocci · 19/12/2015 19:02

Asking for cash is unbelievably rude. Cheese and wine fine.

If we were invited for Xmas and then asked to give money I would seriously consider cancelling. We've hosted my MIL for the past few years and despite her being considerably better off than us, would never dream of doing this.

People never fail to amaze!

Moreshabbythanchic · 19/12/2015 19:03

I am cooking for 15 this year, one family is bringing cheese, another pickles and another soft drinks. I would never dream of asking for money as well.

Moomintroll85 · 19/12/2015 19:04

So basically she's asking guests to bring food/drink (which is fine, I would always bring something) and money, which will surely cover her own contribution to the food/drink Confused

Rude.

Topseyt · 19/12/2015 19:06

How many other families such as yours are going?

Has she asked each of them for £30 too?

ivykaty44 · 19/12/2015 19:08

www.marksandspencer.com/british-cheese-selection/p/p21106761 £15 for cheese

m.tesco.com/mt/www.tesco.com/wine/product/browse/default.aspx?N=8101+8129&un_jtt_redirect £33 for wine x6 bottles

Add £30 towards food over your stay

£78

Thebookswereherfriends · 19/12/2015 19:09

If the others are big drinkers then they should also be contributing to the wine. I would take 4 bottles of wine (a bottle per couple, plus an extra) and the cheese board, but I would politely tell them to swing for the money on top. Unless you had been told at the time of the plans then it's simply not fair.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2015 19:19

You need to tell her NO or cancel. Asking for cash is fucking rude beyond belief. I wouldn't go. I seriously wouldn't. As it is, asking for both the wine and cheese is fucking rude and piss-taking.

StealthPolarBear · 19/12/2015 19:23

Lal that is something you agreed between you though. You aren't incited and then asked for cash

wavingfuriously · 19/12/2015 19:24

hmm ...I would just suck it up Foxes, smile and say nothing Smile
your brother may not have had a say in this contribution thing..why not have a quiet word with him AFTER christmas meal ?

Try to be sardonic about it..some people really do go a bit bonkers at Christmas Xmas Grin ...little frustrations and resentments coming to the surface and presenting in weird ways !!

I really hope you all have a nice, peaceful time.. your bro' is family after all..

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 19/12/2015 19:30

I wouldn't go either. A host should cover all costs or not invite people. Beyond rude to ask for cash.

dingit · 19/12/2015 19:30

No one should ask for money, least of all family.
I wouldn't go.

atticusclaw2 · 19/12/2015 19:35

I would take cheese and wine and ignore the request for £30. If she asked for it I would say "Oh I thought that was a joke given that you invited us for dinner."

Or else the £30 becomes their christmas present (if you do adult presents)

Italiangreyhound · 19/12/2015 19:36

Asking for cash is cheeky but if you do it to them when you host I guess it will be the same. Asking for contributions of food and wine are fine.

cromwell44 · 19/12/2015 19:39

On the other hand, £100 not to have to 'do' Christmas, plus staying over, so no driving and you can relax and have a drink yourself, doesn't look like a bad deal to me. It's cheeky for her to ask, and most people wouldn't, but as an overall cost for a full-on Christmas Day, it probably works out what you might spend.
Let it go, it's not worth a family row, but it will colour your view of them in future.

Original poster
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 19:40

thank you everyone! I feel sane again. It's DH's family so I'm not going to rock the boat and venting here hopefully means I'm not going to simmer with resentment.
Half tempted to get my purse out over dinner to hand over the cash but absolutely won't.
Thank you so much ivykaty for the links- great suggestions. It is a pity as I think we'd probably have gone to town with it a bit and got some local cheeses and posh wine but somehow don't feel so inclined now!

OP posts:
SheGotAllDaMoves · 19/12/2015 19:40

Asking for cash Shock.

Clearly they can't actually afford to host or they are taking the piss!

SevenOfNineTrue · 19/12/2015 19:41

I'd never ask for cash but, if needed, I would ask for guests to bring booze or dessert.

scarlets · 19/12/2015 19:42

It's very odd, but not worth arguing over. Maybe money is tight for them, and they're not letting on.

TheWitTank · 19/12/2015 19:43

The cash request is rude. I would happily provide a cheeseboard and some wine though. Asking 6 days before is ridiculous too. I would reconsider going and spend the money on a nice meal and treats at home instead.

Watto1 · 19/12/2015 19:46

I am hosting this year. My two sisters and their families are bringing a Christmas pudding, crackers (for pulling, not eating with cheese!) and some wine between them. I wouldn't dream of asking for cash.

Windingstreamswithoutends · 19/12/2015 19:46

I give my parents money but we stay with them a few days, they buy everything and we go there every single year.

If I was going somewhere for the first time I would find a cash contribution strange. Also seems like a lot of money just for Christmas dinner - is she contributing anything?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/12/2015 19:49

What ar they going to spend your £30 on? £30 per couple attending I guess - plus each one brings a contribution, I'm assuming minimum £90 to pay for what - the turkey?

Nonidentifyingnc · 19/12/2015 19:52

I don't know why this would come anywhere near £100. Get to Aldi or Asda for the wine and cheese. I reckon you could get 3 bottles and the cheese for £35, if you look for good offers. Then £30 towatds the meal, so £65 total.

I do agree with you though about asking for money - that is quite rude. Can you not back out and stay home?

OTiTO · 19/12/2015 19:53

I think it would be perfectly ok but ONLY if it had been discussed beforehand.

It also depends what she has bought. Chocolates, snacks, starters, champagne etc etc it all adds up.

Would you want her to be out of pocket?

Nonidentifyingnc · 19/12/2015 19:54

Also I don't think it is reasonable for you to buy all the wine, especially if pil and sil's dh are the big drinkers. It's not your responsibility to keep them in booze. A contribution is fine imo.

Is your sil charging the pil as well?