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Original poster

Contribution for Christmas

148 replies

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/12/2015 18:24

SIL has invited everyone to hers for Christmas rather than us going to PIL. We will be staying for one night as it is a long way from home. She's just called to ask us to bring the wine, the cheeseboard and £30 toward the meal. There are 4 of us (me DH a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
SIL and husband both in work, I'm not aware of any money troubles. I'm on unpaid maternity leave at the moment so managing on DH's wage. Not struggling but probably earning less than they are.
I think we'll probably end up spending about £60 on wine (PIL and SIL's husband big drinkers) plus however much a cheeseboard is plus the £30 so we're looking at probably £100 contribution in total. We can afford this but I would never charge my family for Christmas dinner..
Is there unreasonableness here? Completely prepared to suck it up if I'm wrong!

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 19/12/2015 20:53

expatinscotland I suppose that's what I meant. Divvying it up into 'I'll provide the house and the turkey, you bring the pudding and crackers, you bring some beer, you bring some wine'...etc. A cooperative effort, but yes, worked out well in advance. Springing demands on people a week before Christmas isn't on and just makes it seem as though the asker has thought of a way to make a few bob out of their guests.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 19/12/2015 21:03

Don't forget to deduct a share of your travel, afterall you are saving them the cost of coming to you. That's the factor which the hosts often forget.

celtictoast · 19/12/2015 21:16

I think it's rude to tell people what to bring, let alone requesting money. You wait until they offer to bring something.

If you're invited then you offer. You ask if there's anything particular that you can bring, and the answer will usually be one medium sized item (e.g. a pudding or some crackers), or two small things. Not two expensive items and money!

Krampus · 19/12/2015 21:38

Is she asking you to bring The Wine, as in enough wine for everyone for the entire day, or a few bottles to add into the mix?

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/12/2015 21:41

I'd be bankrupt if I had to provide The Wine this Christmas.

Kingfisherfree · 19/12/2015 21:46

I get the feeling your Sil doesn't like you and is winding you up - either way if you pay-up she's laughing if you pull out she's laughing.

witsender · 19/12/2015 21:55

All the wine? That's nuts. If just a couple of table bottles while they do all the rest of the booze (spirits, champagne etc ) then not too bad. Cheese board, fine. Money...depends on your relationship.

All 3 is taking the mick. X

TopHat33 · 19/12/2015 22:05

Yes Mitzy! Especially if not drinking...

Pixilicious · 19/12/2015 22:09

We always chip in for Christmas dinner, £50 per family plus bring stuff (wine, chocolate chocolates, cheese whatever). We take it in turns to host and it just seems fairer to all share the costs.

BrideOfWankenstein · 19/12/2015 22:19

I'm always hosting for my side of the family and never ask for anything. I wouldn't go if I were you.

Blu · 19/12/2015 22:36

Yy, my brother has never demanded money, we just contribute it, to show he isn't taken for granted. I am just SO grateful that I don't have to do all the logistics, shopping and planning!

Caboodle · 19/12/2015 23:19

Charging for Xmas dinner! I have never asked a guest to bring cash and am Shock at this. We once fed 17. Didn't ask for a thing.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/12/2015 23:24

I wonder if chip and pin facilities are available in these tight wad homes.

rollonthesummer · 19/12/2015 23:29

Who else has been invited? What food/drink/cash have they been asked to bring?

Where do you/SIL/BIL etc normally go for Christmas? What are you normally asked/expected to take?

madmomma · 20/12/2015 00:16

Eww awkward. It's unfathomably gross to ask for money after inviting you for a meal!!! Just awful! And I actually think it's a bit much to ask for wine for all and a cheeseboard. I'd imagine noone wants to drink cheap wine or eat bog standard cheese on Xmas day, so that's going to be expensive. Any discussion of money should have been had early on, before they offered to host. Urgh whatever happened to hospitality? Obviously you offer to bring something and the host says oh a bottle order a cake or something, but hosts host!

madmomma · 20/12/2015 00:16

*bottle or a cake

Investmentspaidout · 20/12/2015 00:27

if someone offers to chip in that is perfectly ok but asking is exceptionally rude.

My MIL has just rung and offered to bring a large cooked ham and some wine. as always I have told her that would be lovely but not to put herself out if any of it is any trouble.

Some people have no manners.

Original poster
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 20/12/2015 07:43

Thanks everyone! In total there's SIL, BIL, their 2 children, MIL, FIL and us. We noslly go to PIL. I usually bring a token something like couple bottles wine or fancy cheese or a Christmas cake but never on instruction and no cash has ever changed hand.
The whole thing feels like it's a real hassle for them. I'd rather they hadn't invited us and I'm wondering what the welcome is going to be like

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/12/2015 09:45

I wouldn't hand over cash. I really wouldn't.

Princessgenie · 20/12/2015 09:46

Wow. I had never thought of doing this. We have about eleven (is quite a fluid arrangement) joining us for lunch; two of them will be staying for three days; and we provide everything. They are my guests. I invited them therefore I provide.

Inertia · 20/12/2015 10:07

It'll be interesting to see what a £15 starter and main buys you then.

I would probably hand over the cash to avoid a family row, but not go overboard with wine and cheese. Buy a few cheeses on special offer, box of crackers for a couple of pounds, and a few bottles of wine.

Actually, if you have a long journey involving a ferry, then the wine and cheese are probably the stupidest things to ask you to bring! The cheese will get warm and the wine is bulky and heavy! Though it limits what you can bring, which is a bonus.

Blu · 20/12/2015 10:07

I wonder whether SIL or BIL ever contributed to the cost of Christmas at PILs? Surely they are not expecting the PILs who have always hosted to pay?

Christmas is such a huge thing, I would never expect to be hosted for a couple days, and as a family, and only take a token dinner-party type contribution. I would expect to take half a case of Prosecco, or good wine, plus something like enough smoked trout or salmon for lunch or a big game pie etc.

It all adds up, the Pannetone / croissants, the cold cuts and pates and good cheeses.....the port, the aperatifs...

Blu · 20/12/2015 10:08

But I would never 'charge' people on a per head basis!

PhoenixReisling · 20/12/2015 10:29

I've had thirteen once for Christmas Day and never asked for money.

We have however, divided up the entrées. So someone would bring pudding and someone else would provide cheese etc for the evening.

I think it is unbelievably cheeky of your SIL/BIL, to ask that you provide ALL the wine, cheese and £100 Xmas Shock. Personally, I would be asking DH to have a chat with his parents, as not only have you the expense of travelling there, but also have to provide X,y and z. I suggest that you tell them that you are happy to bring along the wine or the money but not both.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/12/2015 11:03

I would email and say :

"I'd like to push the boat out and get some nice cheeses and good wine - I think this will cost about £80/£100. If you'd prefer cheaper cheeses and less expensive wine but a cash contribution let me know".

I would view them charitably if possible and think that they might be worried about the quality of what people bring complimenting their more expensive food - and they might feel obliged to get in 'good' cheese and wine in case you brought Liebfraumilch.

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