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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mil using the name she prefers for our dd

218 replies

ollieplimsoles · 19/12/2015 00:57

Ok I know this topic has been done to death but its really starting to piss me off and I need to know if we should do something now or let it lie and see if it passes.

So we had dd (our pfb) 7 weeks ago and we gave her a name dh chose. Its quite a long name and has a few possible shortenings. We decided on the shortened version we would like for her and started introducing her as that.

Mil liked dds name but said our shortening was too 'fussy' so she started using another possible short version that she preferred... She refers to dd using this name and talks about her to friends and relatives using her preference also.

Aibu to think this is ridiculous and she should call dd the name we use? Or do shortenings even mean anything? We have pulled her up on it but she's just says that both names are 'nicknames' anyway as it is the full version of the name that is on her birth certificate.

But nickname or not, we are her parents and surely we get to decide what people call her?

OP posts:
honeyroar · 20/12/2015 11:00

I agree, she's being rude. But I wouldn't go for any of the cutting put downs suggested, if people say hello Nellie because MIL has told them that, just correct them - "she's called Penny not Nellie, I don't know why MIL keeps telling everyone the wrong name!"

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 20/12/2015 11:11

I actually prefer Nellie to Penny, I know a girl called Cornelia who has always been known as Nell and whose friends now call her Nellie (she's 10), but that is her choice.

CandlesAreBurning · 20/12/2015 11:17

Allpizza, its great that you prefer Nellie, but OP has named her daughter Penny. If we all liked the same name, classes will be full of 30 Emmas.

Your MIL is controlling, correct her every time, or let your DH go NC if that's his wishes. Will spare you so much agro down the line

PegsPigs · 20/12/2015 14:41

I legally shortened my name to avoid any doubt because actually it does matter when people don't call you the right name. It's disrespectful and superior, like they know better than you as parents.

Even though I go by a shortened name, it can easily be shortened further think Rebecca, Becca, Bex. When people shorten my name they almost always ask if it's OK because it's respectful to call someone the name they prefer. Before your DC can choose the parents choose not interfering grandparents!

Get your DH to have a word and nip this ignorant behaviour in the bud.

PegsPigs · 20/12/2015 14:59

My DD1 chose her own name shortening as soon as she could speak. We'd very rarely used it to speak to her but one day she pointed to herself said the shortened name and there you go. I checked with her CM that she'd not been using it but no she'd been respecting what we had been calling her. DD made up her own mind and has now shortened her DSis' name so she goes by that now! Grin Kids will back you up in time.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 20/12/2015 15:21

Just hum "Nellie the elephant" whenever she says it.

And announce that your chosen name for dd to call her Grandma is "Gaga" and start referring to her by that name to everyone. Such a cute shortening, so easy for a little one to say.

rumbleinthrjungle · 20/12/2015 15:40

It's plain rude and disparaging of the parents. Why is it cute or affectionate or not a big deal when one adult looks another in the eye and makes it clear that:

a) they are rude, superior and self important enough to openly reject the name the child's parents have chosen and will be replacing it with a name of their own choosing (possibly they hope they will force the change to what they want)

b) they hear that you don't want them to do something you don't like but they plan to do it openly in front of you anyway. Screw you.

Normal people don't behave like this.

Theworldmakesnosense · 20/12/2015 17:54

Bertrandrussell believe me I made every effort with my MIL for years and it always got thrown back in my face. Purely because she preferred my DHs ex girlfriend. Because her family were well off and she thought she was on the same level. Which she wasn't. Because they worked damn hard and had their own successful business - she inherited money from dead relatives. Which I can guarantee if they had seen the way she went on to treat my DH (obviously had lived to see it) then she wouldn't have been left a penny. They'd be turning in their graves right now Angry

alltouchedout · 20/12/2015 18:01

I would assume Nellie was short for Eleanor. TBH I like it. I'm always unfashionable ;(

SheGotAllDaMoves · 20/12/2015 18:31

Nell, or Nellie is a NN for Helen/a

MrsKoala · 20/12/2015 18:42

But it's not a NN Skoda, his NN is Pinetum (long story), it's an abbreviation of his name, and yes it came about organically. But i am known as an abbreviation. I'll out myself and say it's Cass. My parents liked the name Cassie and before i was born and thought it would be nice for me to have a choice when i was older of Cassandra or Cassie. I of course opted for Cass Grin But they put Cassandra on my BC even tho they never have once used it.

Just as i think it's completely normal to put Alexander on a BC and know before the baby is born that you are going to call them Alex.

BippityBoppityBullshit · 20/12/2015 20:30

I have a Penelope. Nel is a diminutive of Penelope, so that is probably where the anelliw is coming from. My DD gets called Penny most commonly, i normslly introduce her as this, but she is also known by Penelope, Pen and Pip. Nel i could cope with, nellie not so much.

yanbu

My DH also has a long name which can be shortened in various ways. He is known by 5(!) different names depending on at what point in his life people met him, and what he was introducing himself as at the time.

BippityBoppityBullshit · 20/12/2015 20:33

Apologies for the terrible typos 😳

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 20/12/2015 21:17

I'm really quite surprised by the replies here I expected a good few YABU! Thats why I didn't mention mils controlling tendencies in my op..

It is disrespectful to us, when dh pulled her up on it she basically said if we wanted her to be just called penny we should have put penny on her birth certificate! I don't mind nell I think its nice but its still not her name, and we don't like Nellie!

So far some people have been confused when we tell them mil has told them the wrong name.

As usual she has to be different and have something that is just hers

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/12/2015 23:43

Well I guess you could maybe get her one of those Reborn dolls, name it Nellie and give it to her - then she could definitely have something that is just hers, without impinging on your DD! Grin

Ridiculous to try and impose an extremely non-standard (and not great, really - my Nan's middle name was this and much though I loved her, I could not have inflicted it on a child of mine) shortening on a child for whose name there are already 3 or so far more common shortenings.

Mehitabel6 · 21/12/2015 08:39

I still can't think why you give her any attention over it. The child quite clearly has your choice until she has her own opinion. Whatever MIL thinks is irrelevant.

SausageSmuggler · 21/12/2015 09:07

I don't have any advice but I think YANBU.
(Poss outing myself here) but one of my DD's is called Delilah but we have always shortened it to Lilah. This is what everyone knows her as to the extent that some people don't realise that it is actually Delilah until I tell them. If, when she was born someone insisted her name was Del (for instance) I would have to correct them. That isn't her name and it would have really annoyed me.

NR but DD has recently told me she prefers Delilah but I can't get out of the habit of calling her Lilah nowConfused

CheesyNachos · 21/12/2015 11:12

I love the name Nell. But Penny it aint.

YANBU.

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