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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what contribution your partner makes to the Christmas preparations?

207 replies

harrietflies · 16/12/2015 23:34

I'm curious. DP works from home two days per week, then is away for two days then off for three days. I'm my opinion he has ample time to have done something (anything) to contribute to the Christmas preparations for his large family and our three dc. However, he hasn't bought a single present, doesn't know what the kids want or are getting, has done no wrapping, hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios (we both agreed to start the tradition) or thought about food or guests or ideas for his family to get the kids.

OP posts:
MizK · 17/12/2015 17:00

I am in charge of social stuff eg parties, what everyone is wearing when, decorating the house, menus, cooking.
He does the vast majority of presents, eg deciding who gets what, shopping and paying. Books the trip we take between xmas and new year. He also does the food shop and drives everywhere.
We share present wrapping because it's a nightmare 😐

He loves treating everyone to presents and I'm obsessed with making a Christmassy atmosphere in the house so we are a good team!

StellaAlpina · 17/12/2015 18:31

He drove us to the garden centre then put the big heavy tree up (I'm pregnant and also can't drive)
At the weekend we'll do the big supermarket shop, I'll do most of the deciding and he'll do all the carrying Grin
Christmas eve and day we'll share the cooking although I'll direct/choose the menu as I'm the better cook.
We both buy our own families and d our own cards and sign both names.

Pretty fair I think - I don't find the christmas planning a chore, I find it fun. (He tends to plan holidays as he likes comparing prices/convenient travel times etc. and I find it boring)

ouryve · 17/12/2015 18:38

He goes to work and stays out from under my feet. :o

Usually on Christmas Eve, he collects our order from M&S before going off to work for the morning.

He usually organises putting up the tree with the boys the weekend they break up from school, too.

We used to wrap the boys' pressies together, with a glass of amaretto in hand, but DS1 doesn't go to bed until about 10pm, these days (he's 12 and, like his mum, doesn't fall asleep unless he's properly tired) and DS2 is often up at 4am, so a late nighter is out of the question. It now falls to me to do them all while the boys are still at school.

ouryve · 17/12/2015 18:42

And I would say he organises stuff for his own family, but that involves writing a few cards and choosing a voucher for DN and putting a hamper together for PIL, then delivering it all. He does the cards and delivers it all!

allnewredfairy · 17/12/2015 18:50

Compiles his beer order and cooks Nigellas cherry coke ham. For which I are supposed to be eternally grateful and ensures he doesnt have to lift a finger for the rest of the year

allnewredfairy · 17/12/2015 18:50

Am not are

EvaJacobs1 · 17/12/2015 18:52

My dh makes very little contributions to Christmas except for the money and helping me give the house its Christmas clean, but it's not his fault as he works long hours all week and then has to work Saturday every other week.

So as it stands everything for our three kids is down to me, shopping and wrapping presents, buying new clothes, buying and organising nativity costumes and outfits, taking them for haircuts etc etc, usually I just get on with it but this year I feel weary and it's all a bit overwhelming, could have definitely done with my dh being around to help more.

aquashiv · 17/12/2015 18:57

hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios - whats this

I buy all the presents and wrap them. I send all the cards. I wish I could rise above that old shit.
He will cook the dinner and buy my present.
He has excelled at changing the decorations to a more tasteful ensemble.
I decorate the house.
He will be putting all the outside lights and flashing animals out over the weekend.
I organise to see everyone and do all the never ending school stuff.

All quite equal really.

Tamponlady · 17/12/2015 19:03

Op eveyone has a Diffrent set up I guess my dp cooks on Sunday and Christmas that's it

I may get lucky if I am ill but those are the days I Genrally get drunk on bailys as I not driving and he has the kids in the mornings when he's off

I buy for eveyone he's a shit gift giver he brought me a pop corn machine last year he said he seen me eating popcorn on serval occasions gurr

We only buy for our kids nices and nephews Barr hi sisters kids she told us not to bother she's a twat

Postchildrenpregranny · 17/12/2015 19:21

DH(of 33 years) has never really seen the point of Christmas .He's an aetheist and he hates the conspicuous consumption/long build up .But he has always gone along with it for the DCs sake. He loved Christmas morning when they were younger and unpacked their stockings at the end of our bed-he hadn't a clue what was in them- and was very good at expressing how clever Father Christmas was at knowing exactly what they wanted...
He woud come shopping with me if I asked, but it isnt really an issue for me He always does the veggie prep. the night before (along with the DCs when home) clears the table, and loads the dishwasher. And has never objected to however much I have spent . I would never describe it as 'his having paid for it' as all income in our house is, and always has been, joint.

I have never actually minded doing most of it-I'm very organised and spread it all over several months . The only thing I expect him to do is buy and wrap my presents (well primed by me or, latterly, accompanied by a daughter -he is always extremely generous- and the DCs get me surprises) .The Dcs have never let him live down year he used tacky bak though. He has also resorted to foil on occasion (it was'all he could find')
I can just imagine his face if I had asked him to do Elf on a Shelf... not a 'thing' in our day thank God .

Ridingthegravytrain · 17/12/2015 19:26

My husband asked last night if we were going to my parents on Christmas Day (errr no everyone is coming to us)

ohtheholidays · 17/12/2015 19:30

I do pretty much all of it.

He has picked a few toys for our youngest,DD8 and he told me what bits DS14 would want to go with the console we've bought him,he's paid for some bits and carried lots of the gifts and delivered some gifts and cards and put some decorations up.

Me I've ordered,picked up,paid for and wrapped about 90% of all of the gifts we've bought for our 5DC,my side of the family and his side of the family,our friends,our DC friends,the 4 youngest DC's teachers and friends(oldest DS works)our pets,his Mum's cats,my Dad's and brothers Dogs.I've sorted all the gifts for the 5DC stockings and DH's stocking,I've made all the stockings up,I chose and paid for the 5DC advent calendars,I bought nearly all the cards and wrote all of them(apart from 5 that he did)so about 60 cards.I've planned what were eating Christmas Day,Boxing day ect,wrote all the lists for everything,shopped and paid for all the drinks and food.I'm the one who's ordered and paid for flowers and gifts to be sent to his Mum,Nan and Auntie.I'm the one who organized,wrapped and sent presents to my side of the family that are miles away.I sorted out the deep clean of the house,went through all the childrens toys,everyone's clothes,sorted stuff to go to charity shops and bits to be chucked.
I've sorted out us meeting up with family and friends to exchange gifts and cards before Christmas and I'm sorting out the family days out were taking the children on before Christmas.
I'll be the one that makes and cooks the food on Christmas day as well.

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 17/12/2015 19:31

He puts the outside lights up, gets the tree and decorations out of the loft. I decorate it (more accurately redecorate it after the kids have done it and gone to bed). I do any internal decorating - fireplace etc.

We both buy presents but I do all the wrapping (because I'm better at it!) I also do the cards but have hardly done any this year.

I menu plan and do the food ordering and cooking. He collects it and clears up and is responsible for the booze.
He does the bastard elf most of the time too - I couldn't be bothered this year so he volunteered.

Pretty fair split really.

TheSconeOfStone · 17/12/2015 19:38

DH gets the decs from the loft, puts up the tree (which I bought and dragged back from garden centre), puts up lights in the window, moans about buying his parents present (is an only child so only buys for me and his parents). That's it. He does have many redeeming qualities though. Currently up to his neck in DIY for our lovely new house (me too but DH is doing all the technical stuff) so he has a good excuse for once.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 17/12/2015 20:05

He booked our Christmas getaway this year Grin. I left a list of what he was to get for presents and he his practice manager ordered it. He always organises the trees, outside lights and organised loads for the kids when they were small. When I went back to work after the kids were all at school he did all the food and present shopping as well.

Jakadaal · 17/12/2015 20:15

He orders and collects the turkey, he cooks on Christmas Day (although I have done all the prep), he buys my presents and considers it his job to constantly tell me to relax and chill out Hmm

Janus · 17/12/2015 20:18

Not very much!!
I have bought for our 4 children, wrapped about half of them so far, will wrap the rest. That's quite a lot of work just there! Then I send him up the loft and out of the 4 boxes that were up there he swears he couldn't find the final box of christmas decorations so I ended up tearing the house and garage upside down for 2 days to then go and look in the loft and find them in one of the FOUR boxes he had to look in.
I plan menus but do ask his opinion. I then do the online shop for it all. He ordered the goose and will pick it up. I ordered a turkey and ham, he will pick it up. I have yet to finish that online order as my head is still stuck in Christmas present shopping.
He then did moan about how much money I'd spent (yes, too much) but doesn't input on present buying so I just ignored him!
His Mum and Dad rang today to thank us for the lovely gift we sent. I was gobsmacked he'd done it until I texted him to ask what he'd sent and for him to tell me he's done nothing for his side and it must be from someone else. I've told him I'm not doing anything for his side of the family. He will have a fun weekend!!
I'm not doing this next year. He will do his side and I will get more organised so that I'm not still stressing with only a week to go!!

Tapirbackrider · 17/12/2015 21:19

Dh cooks, shops, wraps, decorates, does cards.

I clean, plan, help ds where necessary, and tease dh about his wrapping skills.

After xmas, he packs it all away and shoves it back in the loft.

We wouldn't be half as organised without him Grin

itsmeohlord · 17/12/2015 21:23

My Dh cooks the Xmas dinner, and we menu plan and shop together. He makes sure the Xmas tree lights (4 sets for two trees) are working.

I do all pressie shopping except for me and he gets each kid one. I write all the cards and do the washing up, put the tree and decorations up. I also sort out whos coming etc

Bubbletree4 · 17/12/2015 21:24

Money. That's it. In the past, he has fucked up the arrangements with his family so now they don't make arrangements with him, they make them with me because they know I will write it down/turn up on the right day!

TSSDNCOP · 17/12/2015 21:45

He pays for it without quibble, and believe me when I say he'd be well within his rights.

He tidies and clears away before, during and after every event.

He thoroughly enjoys, or gamely plays along, with every single thing I plan.

Madmoo33 · 17/12/2015 21:50

My husband has admitted that the kids Christmas presents are a surprise to him too, he works full time and is working away at the minute, so everything is up to me

Woolyheads · 17/12/2015 21:58

Moans.
I earn the money. Pay for everything. Prepare everything. And think everything out, make all the decisions, arrange for and pay for all the child care.
I love Christmas. He hates it. Go figure.

TenWineBottles · 17/12/2015 22:01

He gets the tree & decorations out of the loft, does the alcohol shop and buys my present. I do the rest in the run up - dcs presents/my family/his family/cards etc. My choice as i love doing it and i have time (SAHM). Christmas day is done between us, i cook, the dcs clear away and he does the dishes. Works for us Smile

Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 22:07

Mine does bugger all too :)