to ask what contribution your partner makes to the Christmas preparations?

[harrietflies]

I'm curious. DP works from home two days per week, then is away for two days then off for three days. I'm my opinion he has ample time to have done something (anything) to contribute to the Christmas preparations for his large family and our three dc. However, he hasn't bought a single present, doesn't know what the kids want or are getting, has done no wrapping, hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios (we both agreed to start the tradition) or thought about food or guests or ideas for his family to get the kids.

Money - he works a lot of overtime.

Helps to decorate - takes about 3 hours

Helps with wrapping presents.

Cooks Christmas dinner for 8 or sometimes 12 of us.

I do all the present planning/shopping because I enjoy it, and most of it's done online anyway.

Zero but cooks xmas dinner, badly

Earned all the money, chose and ordered almost all of the presents.

I pretty much just do the wrapping up!

worra takes about 3 hours?
I bet it looks awesome

Money - he works damned hard on minimum wage and will be working til the day before xmas eve (he's shattered already).

He also crawls into the attic to find the decorations, as I can't go up ladders. Get dizzy.

And he will cook xmas dinner - I am the sous-chef, chopping and peeling and keeping him company but he is a better cook than me.

He has also driven 300 miles round trip to pick up one son and will be driving an 120 mile round trip to pick up two others, tomorrow.

I have been sewing since October to make presents for our older sons so we can give cash to the two youngest. Youngest son puts up the tree and decorates it (I dug it up from the garden). He does a lot and we appreciate it.

I do tend to be the one that delegates but he is:

Jointly preparing 22nd Dec and 28th December supermarket orders.

Probably picking up turkey crown from butcher as he's off with the children the day it's due to be picked up.

Formatting and printing labels for Christmas cards after we both approved changes to Christmas card list.

He will be writing all cards where he knows one of the household (he has almost no family himself so this is the only way to make it remotely fair. If it was originally-my friends/family versus originally-his friends/family he'd have about 10 and I'd have 60). I'm pretty sure he also filled in the form/wrote the cheque to nursery for the cards, though I dropped it off.

Wrapping piles of presents for the DCs as I thrust them his way. And hiding them in his magic hiding place that I have not yet found even though we've lived in the house for 11 years

Buying stocking fillers for the DCs though frankly he's moaned about this so much I suspect he's trying to be labelled useless at this. I will persist. I didn't see an ideal present for DC2 in a shop and not buy it but drop a hint honest

Cooking the turkey etc. though I'll probably do a bit of sous chefing (he's not the most adventurous cook but he can do a roast).

I have chosen and bought most of the DCs' presents, ordered the turkey and some nice bakery food, wrapped his presents (obviously) and presents for extended family (I may delegate some of that in the future as they are his children's cousins so they ARE his relatives). I've also meal-planned the rest of the holiday but some are gaps with "DH" written in and most of it is just regular meals or leftovers, apart from Christmas Even which is my speciality.

Earned all the dosh for the presents. Pretty epic contribution.

Sorted the forestry permit and went into the mountains with DS to shop down our Christmas tree and drag it caveman style back to the house (with the aid of the car )

When travelling with work in America, bought several of DS' Christmas presents (we discussed what to buy over the phone together).

Lugged the decorations from the loft, plans to wrap with me on Christmas Eve and will most likely cook alongside me on Christmas day as we like cooking together.

I've done present buying, stocking wrapping, Christmas cake and other baking, plus a few cards home made by DS with him but that's it. I'll do the shopping as I'm at home to do it.

Actually hadn't realised his contribution was pretty damn good actually.

I would love it if all women went on strike just to see what happens to Christmas. I reckon it would end up nonexistent/basically cancelled. Can we start the campaign here??

My partner usually does a bit of cooking and getting the decs down. I do the sawing of tree and making it stay in its stand, hanging of lights, the shopping and the rest of the cooking. Presents are always down to me, apart from his presents to mil, my mum and me.

This year we've split the money 50/50 because he supports a member of his family financially

I do all shopping and wrapping for us, his family and mine, and all card writing

I even buy myself a present from him and wrap it up (this makes him sound ungenerous - which he isn't - but he isn't an advance planner outside of work)

Presents includes immediate family, extended family, all godchildren (including his) plus office employees + a few close friends - which adds up to about 45 people to buy for

I do on-line food ordering

I do all decorations

Dh and I split fresh-food-shopping, cooking and clearing up 50/50 (although my version of clearing up is a bit more detailed than his, it has to be said)

Dh does loads of driving errands

But all in all, he has a very "last minute" approach to Christmas.

It looks chav-tastic Louis

Just how I like my decs and lights - not a hint of classiness

Oh I forgot he will also be lugging the Christmas tree (live one in pot) from the garden up the stairs. It is blooming heavy.

With the food planning one of us books the order and nudges the other to fill the basket. If we miss stuff out it's a joint responsibility, Christmas Day is just us and the DCs and the shops are (shock horror) open the other days.

My own husband has purchased one present for his nephew (sports shop he works next to) and he's had to buy for his friends birthday and Christmas and his brothers birthday (birthdays on Christmas Day)
He gave me £30 towards his mum/band presents (we have separate finances) and he is in charge of buying the turkey/beef and gammon next week.

I have done everything else. I'm not even sure dh knows what the 4 DCs have for Christmas!!!

He is taking the DCs out on Sunday to buy my Christmas presents. (We give kids £5 each to choose presents for us)

I will take kids out on Monday to buy his!

I would love it if all women went on strike just to see what happens to Christmas. I reckon it would end up nonexistent/basically cancelled. Can we start the campaign here??

My DH would be OK with that, so I'm not risking it! He's not really a huge fan of Christmas. Always pushes me to do something on NYE though (even if it's just rent a good film on Sky+) when I would probably forget about that.

Our Christmas is pretty equal - he always contributes at least 50%, if not more, in terms of effort.

On the years we host and cook for parents/inlaws then he does the majority of the planning, buying, and cooking of the food - so he does a lot more than 50% on those years!

Present buying/planning we always share responsibility for.

I tend to do the Christmas cards (although he helps seal envelopes).

Decorations are a shared job, but I do most of the fiddly stuff and he normally gets bored half way through.

I start in January - rolling over lists and picking up bits in sales. I tend to keep it pretty quiet most of the year, but keep plugging along with my preparations as summer sales happen, I see things that certain people would love, tickets come available for special events that sell out quickly etc. I ramp it up in September with housecleaning and more intense getting things done, like writing cards and wrapping. But I try to only start talking about it in the house nearer to or after Halloween.

DH only starts to think about Christmas in late autumn - although it is getting earlier as the years go on. He thinks about DD's presents, and is often the generator of great ideas for this and often also the main purchaser (I tend to do stocking bits as I see them year round).

He will also try to come up with ideas for others - which sometimes seem off the wall to me, so he does at least run them past me now before buying. And I can send him off to get specifics, or to buy something for a specific person (he voluntarily went to a toyshop this week with me (he proposed the outing) and he spotted things for 3 of the 4 DN's we were buying for).

He is in charge of outdoors decorations - he puts lights on a few trees in the garden. We also buy the tree together as a family when we are at home for Christmas itself (we use a fake on travelling years).

He makes the stuffing on Christmas Eve when we stay home. Which means an annual phonecall home to check the family recipe - all part of the traditions! But he will also help other prep of veggies and potatoes etc. And do things like setting fires and bringing in logs and other "heavy lifting" jobs.

He tolerates me doing an advent calendar for DD, but asks me if I have it organized to make sure that it is. He also tolerates the wearing of Christmas jumpers, but will keep DD happy and wear his Elf one, and now makes a specific request as to the type of PJs I should buy to put into the Christmas Eve Hamper for him (we all get new PJs).

He is also in charge of getting his present for me (ref the strange ideas above - it can be funny!!) and DD also has him hounded to take her to get one from her to me.

While I am the "Christmas Elf" in our house (but my jumper is a pudding ), and he tolerates that with a tilted head, in reality, he does want to get involved and have the magic happen, he just needs some guidance on what and when. And he does tend to be a lot more "last minute Fred" type of guy. But this morning, after a shit few months, and not being able to organize a Santa or other festive outing as a family, he rang me to suggest a family trip to see Star Wars on Monday evening, and he has booked the tickets etc.

So I think I'll keep him for a while yet!! [santa]

Oh, regular household cleaning and cooking type chores are reasonably fairly distributed too though - he does all the ironing and most of the laundry, I generally tackle midweek cooking but he gets involved at weekends and holidays, and he is as likely to have cleaned the bathrooms as I am (and as unlikely to have mopped the floors )

I sort all my family members out present wise. DP usually sorts everyone his side out himself. I wrap some of the stuff for him. It's my job to put the tree up (only because I don't want DP messing it up haha). We usually share the cooking on Xmas day

YANBU to ask, no. Nothing. Sweet FA.
However I'm a bit of a control freak and I bloody love spending money, so christmas is my chance and frankly I don't mind.
I just say - "oh that so and so DS1 wanted is in the sale so I'm going to get it for him" and DH just nods. He is still surprised on christmas day however as he never ever remembers what 'we've' bought them.
I forced him to admire the bag I made for his mother this year. He made a small attempt at positive feedback.
I don't even mind doing the cards this year, as DS2 (6) has taken over the job. Yes I still have to address and stamp them, but I might get DS1 on that task next year.
I get the tree out of the loft, and I put it up and decorate it with DS2 (DS1 can't be arsed, like his dad)
DH's only (and self appointed, job) is to rid the house of bits of paper and cardboard on christmas day. Which he does. Like a man possessed.
I will also be in charge of food on the day itself. Aunt Bessie is my friend in this instance and the freezer will be stocked (by me) in advance. I bloody hate cooking.

I do the on line present shopping (Amazon and Catalogue, wrapping and cards). Hubby will get the real tree, I will decorate and get decorations out. So I get the messy, tangly jobs (tree lights, paper, sellotape!). Hubby will buy Christmas dinner food and cook it for which I am eternally grateful as I find cooking stressful. I will buy the nibbly bits. I end up with the pots and clearing up. Sometimes we have up to 8 people if grown ups kids and grandkids come but they alternate between staying home or going to other parents. There are never any arguments as we accept that families sometimes have to pick and choose what they do differently each year and we are just as happy if they come or don't. This year it is just us four, me, hubby and 13 and 15 year old. Maybe five if my older brother comes (he gets invites from two or three as he is on his own). Again, if he comes fine, if not, we don't fall out. This is just how things have evolved over our 22 year marriage with four kids and two grandkids between us and huge extended families but on the whole it has worked out quite nicely as we both have always wanted Christmas Day at home and that is what we do every year; have Christmas Day at home. It is blissful. Visit my parents Christmas Eve day (but short visit as very elderly and don't like much fuss now) and hubby's family party Boxing Day wherer we may stay over and have a drink. Other family members may pop in during the week/Christmas Eve to drop pressies/have a quick drink but again Christmas Eve is usually just us with a takeaway. Again bliss. Oh and hubby will do shopping last minute but it will be done! Like I say, this is how things have evolved, rather than been planned, over our 22 years. We haven't bothered doing anything on NYE's since brother in law's fab party before our kids were born but realise now they are young teens, we might have to start jollying NYE up a bit lol x

Millenium party that was 1999!

he bought three rolls of hideous wrapping paper yesterday. that's it.
but he doesn't moan about what I buy/how much I spend/what we eat, so I'm not bothered.
He took my car to the garage for me and took the DC to a party while I went shopping in peace, so he helps indirectly I guess.

Before we had dcs there was a lot less to do and we pretty much split it 50:50.

Then I was a sahm and I did a lot more.
Then I started working part time and felt this was very unfair so we had the epic Christmas showdown of December whateveryearitwas. Yes I could have handled this more maturely and had a proper grownup discussion about it but I didn't
After which, dh started pulling his finger out and each year has done more.
This year I've not been very well and he's really taken the lead and done the lion's share.

We've always shared tree buying, decorations, card writing.
I tend to take the lead on food as I am a pretty good cook and enjoy it. Although dh will pitch in and peel spuds etc and does all the clearing up afterwards.
In the past though I've done nearly all the present shopping - not any more.

I think it's been quite an eye opener for him this year in terms of how many little things there are to do like buying Christmas cards, crackers, stamps etc. But he says he's really enjoyed it which bodes well for next year

My exDP would throw some money at Christmas but otherwise did very little. Which is probably part of the reason I find myself in australia this year not giving two hoots about Christmas (just can't feel festive in 30C)

Under duress he placed a large order with Apple today. Christmas seems to involve an awful lot of iPhones, iPads, MacBooks...

Pays for everything
Made suggestions for his familys presents
Set up kids new toys/games etc
Cooking on the day
Driving on the day (result!)