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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what contribution your partner makes to the Christmas preparations?

207 replies

harrietflies · 16/12/2015 23:34

I'm curious. DP works from home two days per week, then is away for two days then off for three days. I'm my opinion he has ample time to have done something (anything) to contribute to the Christmas preparations for his large family and our three dc. However, he hasn't bought a single present, doesn't know what the kids want or are getting, has done no wrapping, hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios (we both agreed to start the tradition) or thought about food or guests or ideas for his family to get the kids.

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 17/12/2015 07:13

"DH is buying all the gifts for his side of the family this year because I think it's only fair to divvy up the present buying activity"

The year I suggested this he rang the adults and got them to agree not to give presents that year!

HappyJustToBe · 17/12/2015 07:17

He is doing a big sort out of DD's toys so that there is room for the masses she will be bought (huge family). Doing a lot of cleaning cupboards etc also.

He has bought or asked me to buy (I work in the city centre and he works at home) presents for his side.

He will do all the wrapping because he is a master at it and when I do it people ask if it was 4yo DD.

WeirdCatLadyIsFeelingFestive · 17/12/2015 07:19

Dh works full time in a demanding job and I don't work (because of my poor health and our dd's additional needs).

We joke that he earns the money and I spend it.

That sounds terribly lop-sided and 1950's but it isn't really. He will do anything I ask him to (like get the decs down from the loft) but I thoroughly enjoy planning for Christmas. He helps out in the evenings and weekends and I have all day with very little else to do. it works for us.

Op, have you told your dp you aren't happy with his contribution? Because if you've always done it all and are somehow expecting him to miraculously realise that you suddenly want to change things, then that isn't really fair. Just talk to him!

Lightbulbon · 17/12/2015 07:20

Well this is another example of wifework isn't it?

Me and dp are equals so we do an equal amount of Christmas prep.

jorahmormont · 17/12/2015 07:21

We both choose presents, both buy them, both wrap them, he puts the tree up and we all decorate it, he cooks Christmas dinner and I help to clean, we both do the Christmas food shop (although he's done it all this year Blush ), and he does any driving.

Equal - or, if anything, DP does more than I do Grin I entertain DD.

Krampus · 17/12/2015 07:21

Bought gifts for his side of the family, did 80 % of the house decoration whilst I was away one weekend visiting someone in hospital, arranged when to see his family. He's got presents for me because I've been signing for the packages.

We are away for several days over Christmas so don't have food to sort. Usually we do 50 / 50 of the cooking and food ordering.

I'm currently not working; so this year I have done the present buying for our kids, arranged a couple of festive days out and did the actual travel arrangements and hotel bookings.

Krampus · 17/12/2015 07:24

Yanbu The last 3 years ere manic for me work wise over Christmas and I still managed to do my half of the organizing.

teacher54321 · 17/12/2015 07:24

He buys and wraps and organises pressies for his family. He cooks the food for our Christmas gatherings. He collects things from shops that I order and decorates the whole house. I do all other present shopping and wrapping, all food shopping and other organising.

KeyserSophie · 17/12/2015 07:42

Put the tree up with the kids (I was away with work), went to DS's school Christmas party (him only) and nativity (both of us), bought a load of stuff on Amazon for the kids, wrote the cards for his side of the family/friends and posted them all. His family dont do adult presents so nothing there. We'll wrap everything up together probably nearer the time. We're going out for Christmas lunch and everything else (Christmas eve, Boxing days etc) has come from Cook as both of us are terrible at cooking.

FragileBrittleStar · 17/12/2015 07:45

This year DP has

  1. put tree up
  2. done booze shop
  3. done 80% of the elf on the shelf things

he will collect the shopping (all ordered on line) and cook bits of the dinner and move furniture around.
I do everything else-choose, buy, wrap all presents bar my own; all baking/shopping.
I actually don't mind (other than when he claims to be tired of wrapping!) as the bits he does are the bits I hate (I curse the day we got an elf) and I find it hard to split some of the tasks. I like present buying and choosing
I work FT he is SAHD

SummerNights1986 · 17/12/2015 07:48

Dh puts up the bulk of the decorations. He does the wrapping half and half. Discusses present suggestions. The main one is he cooks Christmas dinner.

He doesn't shop at all, because i'd rather he didn't. I'm a bargain hunter - so we'll have an idea to buy X and then i'll search the Christmas forum on mn for any offers, go on HDUK and cashback sites, compare prices and can usually get a fair few decent bargains.

He has no patience for that - he'd be perfectly able and willing to buy stuff but would google search and buy from the first retailer that came up. So he's not allowed because it would end up costing much more!

TeaPleaseLouise · 17/12/2015 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SummerNights1986 · 17/12/2015 07:50

Well this is another example of wifework isn't it? Me and dp are equals so we do an equal amount of Christmas prep

Not necessarily. We play to our strengths. We're an equal partnership but that doesn't mean that every task is carried out 50/50.

onecurrantbun1 · 17/12/2015 07:50

My DH got the decorations down, we all did the tree together and he came on a festive day out (arranged by me). I buy all the presents and he helps me wrap them if asked (usually I do them while he's at work thoigh). I sort any food shopping for parties and such and sort the house so it's ok for company Grin We have a low key Christmas though and he has no family - it'd be a bit petty to make him buy and write his own cards as there's only 4! He earns the money too. However he generally has an interested and supportive role to playso I

witsender · 17/12/2015 07:51

Wrapped a few bits. Ordered a few bits for me and kids. Got tree, sorted lights etc. If we were at home he does most of the cooking.

I do the majority because I am around more, he is pretty full on at work.

onecurrantbun1 · 17/12/2015 07:53

Sorry - the baby pressed the post button!

"He generally has an interested and supportive role to play so I ..." Don't mind sorting the practicalities - its more about the attitude and actively wanting to start traditions and take the kids on nice Christmassy activities which is more important imo.

Blacktealeaves · 17/12/2015 07:54

Dh is supposed to buy for his family. He often doesn't and it's hugely embarrassing but i try not to give a shit.

People can make time to do this stuff if they want to/ society expects them to as with women.

sinber · 17/12/2015 07:55

He buys me a card and a weird present. That about covers it.

Slight panic this year as he received a few cards from people connected to his hobby.

MockTheWeek · 17/12/2015 07:55

Gets the decorations out of the loft after days of nagging and that is it. I even said I wouldn't take responsibility for his family's presents this year but I have because I worry that if he didn't do it they wouldn't get anything and that would reflect badly on me.

RufusTheReindeer · 17/12/2015 07:57

Share decorating...and i decorate a lot of rooms. He would have a lot less decorations up left to himself

I make the cards because i want to, he writes the adresses on and writes the cards for his parents, brother and friends

We discuss the food over christmas and order it online together

We share the wrapping... This will change when santa stops bringjng the presents, santas elves are crap at wrapping to be honest but i do like bows and ribbons on adult presents

I do the vast majority of the present shopping for the chikdren (he buys for his mum and dad) but thats because i work 8 hours a week and he works 50+

I do the "dammit need to pop to M&S fkr that dessert we like" run, but he is happy to do that if asked

He cooks christamas day, i prepare the veggiemain and any baking...which is pretty much just a cake for boxing day Smile

BankWadger · 17/12/2015 07:59

Fuck all. But then that's all he contributes to everyday life as well.

Sallystyle · 17/12/2015 08:01

Decorates the tree with the children
Cook most of Xmas dinner
Washes up after Xmas dinner
Gives opinion on presents when I ask for them
Finds out what his family wants
wraps most of the presents
Tells me not to buy so much sausage meat while buying loads of beer for himself.

Pranmasghost · 17/12/2015 08:03

My dh does all the wrapping. I put the presents out and he wraps I label. He writes half the cards, shares the shopping, does most of the cooking. He only buys my present but consults on all and I love the shopping, our money is all joint.

Dogwalks2 · 17/12/2015 08:06

We pick the tree as a family, he puts it up, I decorate it, he takes it down. Writing the Christmas cards was his only other job, but after years of me having to nag him to do them we now give £50 to charity instead. I'm actually happy with this situation as I love Christmas and he never complains about my spending so everyone's happy.

Strawberryfield12 · 17/12/2015 08:06

Christmas is mine just as DH's. Each of us buy presents for our respective families just like it used to be before we met, but now it's from 'us' not him or me. We buy presents for each other, both buy presents for DD and tell each other not to buy the same thing, who buys the present, wraps it. We decorate house together and cook together or divide who cooks what. We decide together what meal we will have, what we will do on a day etc. Sounds like I have hit a jackpot of a husband Grin

We both work full time in demanding jobs, so the home life is our both responsibility.