Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what contribution your partner makes to the Christmas preparations?

207 replies

harrietflies · 16/12/2015 23:34

I'm curious. DP works from home two days per week, then is away for two days then off for three days. I'm my opinion he has ample time to have done something (anything) to contribute to the Christmas preparations for his large family and our three dc. However, he hasn't bought a single present, doesn't know what the kids want or are getting, has done no wrapping, hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios (we both agreed to start the tradition) or thought about food or guests or ideas for his family to get the kids.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 16/12/2015 23:50

Gets things out the loft

Will do anything I ask after the 18th when he finishes work.

However since I've ordered everything by then and it's been delivered there's nothing to do

He goes in to town and buys my gifts. This will be his only visit to a shop all year Grin

softpop · 16/12/2015 23:51

DH gets the tree down from the loft and decorates it. He buys gifts for his side of the family and some of the dc, and wraps all of those. Does the online shop and cooks dinner on Christmas Day. Takes dcs out to Winter Wonderland and panto.

Pobspits · 16/12/2015 23:52

When the dc unwrap their presents Dh says 'who did you get that from?' And they look at him like Hmm and say 'you'

slightlyglitterpaned · 16/12/2015 23:52

Er, it's more like what contribution do I make? DP does most of it. He cooks Christmas day, does tree, presents etc. We've discussed some presents and I've ordered a few things, but he'll do the wrapping.

ilovelamp82 · 16/12/2015 23:54

You shouldn't have to ask. I only say that looking after Christmas planning is something I really enjoy and have just got on with since being with my dh and previous partners. It's suited them and me fine. I certainly don't feel it's my job to do, it just so happens I enjoy it.

I just ask whether he realises that you don't want all the responibility and is refusing to do it in which case I would just leave him to sort his own family out. Or if he thinks that you are happy with arrangement in which case it sounds like you need to tell him.

wigglesrock · 16/12/2015 23:54

My husband works shifts, so he's on days, nights, a mixture. When he's at home or awake after a night shift he shops, orders, picks up presents, does grocery shopping, wraps presents, writes cards, goes to half of the nativity shows (3 kids 6 shows). Does the same as me tbh. We don't cook Christmas dinner so neither of us do that.

Moreshabbythanchic · 16/12/2015 23:59

He will eat all the food I cook and then fall asleep and ignore the guests.

chelle792 · 17/12/2015 00:00

My DH has been asking what he should be doing Grin this year is his second Christmas and the first we've hosted as a couple.

He helped me pick the tree and struggled to understand that we shouldn't buy the biggest and had a go at putting the lights and decorations on it.

He can't understand why he can't have sole responsibility for the roast potatoes on the day and nothing else. I've explained that he just has to follow my orders Blush I will be getting him to do the rubbish jobs potato peeling. Wink

RB68 · 17/12/2015 00:00

I do thinking and doing of present stuff although things, for his Mum I generally agree with him (bar small stuff) but its not hard - that'll be an M&S voucher then) but I have five siblings 2 single, one couple and 2 families plus my parents in there are 4 children. We have one and she is easy enough for me to get for and generally I use Tesco points and order to collect.

I do all the cleaning - I do it anyway but like a good muck out for Christmas and it is done over several weeks - it is a bit of a bug bear of mine his none contribution nut he will swing the hoover round if I ask and also do the kitchen if I ask but then there is floor mopping...which I hate

I order meat after discussion, fetch veg and do shop. He spends too much.

He does however do all the prep and major catering Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and boxing day with me doing the things around - bfast, high tea/evening buffet stuff and clear up is shared me and his Mum bless her (at 86 she is still going strong and happy to clear up after his cooking session which is usually something else in terms of how the kitchen is).

She did apologise to me one year for not training him up very well and complimented me in getting him interested in producing a whole meal with great timing - didn't like to say he had no option it was that or be stuck washing up for life

Oh and he gets decs down with my help and DD and I do decorating and he puts stuff back up before getting down again for put away time in Jan

Bunbaker · 17/12/2015 00:01

Money and washing up. We have such a small family now that the only gift buying is us three and Amazoning stuff to my sister.
I enjoy cooking so I cook and he cleans. TBH if we didn't have DD we probably wouldn't bother much with Christmas at all.

PegsPigs · 17/12/2015 00:02

Writes his family and friends cards plus neighbours.
This year wrapped DD1s presents as long as they were in regular shaped boxes i.e. not dresses or unboxed shoes.
He even had the cheek to say he'd 'helped me out' by doing my job for me while I took both DCs out from 11-5!! Errrr given he thought of none of them and bought none of them it's the least he can do for his family!! Had his DM today asking what DD2 wants but I've just got no ideas. I asked him to think of some a week ago as I was getting stressed. Who went out last night to get some stocking fillers? Yeah not him.

Xmas Angry
Tuiles · 17/12/2015 00:03

His contribution so far has been to work all hours so as to 'clear the decks', which has resulted in him being a grumpy arse and not having seen the kids all week. He will have 2 weeks off, but the stress of work plus 4 enforced days of visiting his family will result in major moodiness, a tendancy to sleep on the sofa all afternoon and no doubt a honking cold. Hmm

I have taken him shopping twice so far which has resulted in 2 gifts, including one for his brothers birthday. He has not once asked what the kids want or indeed if anything had been acquired for them. The one item I asked him to order from the Internet he forgot about and is lucky I checked (and ordered) yesterday else it would never arrive in time. I'm expecting a deep panic sometime around lunchtime on Xmas eve and he'll dissappear for a couple of hours.

This happens every year without fail. He is unashamed. I've given up caring!

NewLife4Me · 17/12/2015 00:04

If I'd suggested dh come up with ideas for the elf he'd have thought I was bonkers.
I can understand why you would be annoyed at doing everything for his large family, but also don't understand why you are doing it if you don't want to.

Mine doesn't do any preparation as he isn't here or is really busy and just does what he can to lighten the load.

Bunbaker · 17/12/2015 00:05

It would simply never occur to OH to write any cards. I even had to remind him to write one out for his mum. He is very unsociable and wouldn't care at all if no-one sent him a card.

MusicalFanjo · 17/12/2015 00:11

As a PP said, Christmas Day will be as much of a surprise for DP as it will be for DS.

I've done all of the shopping and wrapping so far (paid for by DP). DP got the tree down and did the lights but I decorated the tree alone because he was doing it wrong. We will go food shopping together and he will most likely cook Christmas dinner because he's better at cooking than I am.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/12/2015 00:17

My dh does nothing at all. Well, except from pay for everything.

Potatoface2 · 17/12/2015 00:18

nothing....not so much as even peeling a carrot!

BackforGood · 17/12/2015 00:19

He does the on-line shopping, I do the 'from the shops shopping (for presents)
He does the shopping for Christmas dinner, and any other 'occasions' if we are hosting over the Christmas period - I do the mundane stuff (toilet rolls / teabags / you get the picture)
He takes one of dc out to buy the tree
dc usually do the decs (tree and around house)
He puts the lights up outside
I organise who has to be where, when, and with what
I do all the wrapping
I do all the cards
He will cook the dinner - I will clear the dining room, clean, find table cloth, lay table, sort things like crackers, then I will do the clearing up afterwards
I attend all the 'events' for the dc

He works 5 days and I work 3, so I expect to do more

SirNiallDementia · 17/12/2015 00:21

DH is buying all the gifts for his side of the family this year because I think it's only fair to divvy up the present buying activity (and I find it boring!). Needless to say he has not started this task yet and it will be all last minute panic next week!

He does earns way more than me so is mostly funding Xmas.

I have done all the Xmas prep/ activites with the kids so far e.g. writing Santa letters, booking panto tickets etc.

He will come along to help with the big food shop (and will do a cracking job entertaining the kids while I shop). He would have no clue what to buy food-wise as he does not cook (well he does but the output is so vile I'd rather he didn't bother!).

Does tidy up and load dishwasher and makes a great cocktail so all in all he is fairly useful at Xmas!

Marzipanface · 17/12/2015 00:23

He gets involved with planning Christmas pressies for the kids. He'll do some research and purchase it. He'll get stuff from the loft, he will occasionally nip to the postbox and he will wrap stuff, and collect last minute booze and provisions. He also does any driving.

I choose and buy the majority of the presents, plan and shop for the food, put decs up with kids, do Christmas crafts with kids, Christmas baking, help them write cards, address them and post the bloody things, wrap stuff and generally organise stuff.

I tend to feel that I do more but then I am a SAHM so see that most of it falls under my remit :)

Russellgroupserf · 17/12/2015 00:25

He does all his families cards and presents and I do my side of the family, I do post them as have more time. He updates the address label sheet for Christmas cards. I do cards for the neighbours but he writes three times as many cards to his family. Postage this year was £40.

He gets tree out of the loft and we all decorate together.

We both buy cards and paper in the January sales.

We do the food shop together.

chrome100 · 17/12/2015 05:17

I buy for my side of the family. He buys for his. That's all our Xmas prep. We go to my mums on the day and will help with bits and bobs there but we don't do trees or cards (or cleaning!)

TheHouseOnTheLane · 17/12/2015 05:23

Sounds rubbish OP! My DH works 5 or 6 days a week. He bought and collected the Christmas tree, he will go out and buy some DC presents having discussed with me what they want and what I haven't got yet...he likes doing that...and he will make a trip to Supermarket next week for drinks, cheese and some other food I haven't got.

It's the least a man in your partner's position could do!

JoandMax · 17/12/2015 05:25

He puts the outside lights up and cooks and cleans up on Christmas Day.

I'm a SAHM, I love doing all the shopping and planning and wrapping and cards and I have time. He works long hours so I tell him what I've got the DC/his family and we chat about things they'd like so it's not a surprise!

He loves doing Christmas dinner and is happy to clear up so I get a day off from all the prep stuff. Works well for us

MumCodes · 17/12/2015 05:32

He's our Christmas driver. Apart from that, feck all.

He'll disappear for hours on Xmas Eve to the shops then come home all moody and stressed because he's just spent Xmas Eve at the shops.