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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask what contribution your partner makes to the Christmas preparations?

207 replies

harrietflies · 16/12/2015 23:34

I'm curious. DP works from home two days per week, then is away for two days then off for three days. I'm my opinion he has ample time to have done something (anything) to contribute to the Christmas preparations for his large family and our three dc. However, he hasn't bought a single present, doesn't know what the kids want or are getting, has done no wrapping, hasn't arranged any of the elf on the shelf scenarios (we both agreed to start the tradition) or thought about food or guests or ideas for his family to get the kids.

OP posts:

bushtailadventures · 17/12/2015 05:57

He went in the loft and found some stuff I couldn't. He's looked at presents for dc and dgd, after I've bought them, and generally said 'That's nice'. I asked him what food he would like for Boxing Day, he had no opinion...bit like everything else to do with Christmas really, he is not a fan. When the dc were actually children, he used to be a little more involved, but now they are adults he doesn't really do anything. I have to be honest here though and say it suits me this way, I love Christmas and can be a bit controlling over organised about it all.

BooOzMoo · 17/12/2015 06:01

I do it all in a SAHM with 3 kids and carer to a disabled child !!! He provides the money ... I do the buying and wrapping. He has some input into his parents gifts !!!

MrsTrentReznor · 17/12/2015 06:14

Bugger all. I've just been informed that amazon won't be delivering my pressie until Christmas Eve. We are away. So I have no pressie.
He's had months.

BertPuttocks · 17/12/2015 06:14

Dh buys the presents for his side of the family and I buy mine.

We both think about what to buy the dc. He does the online orders and gets some of the shop presents. I buy the rest of the shop presents.

I do all the wrapping because I'm the only one with the opportunity to do it when there are no dc around.

Dh puts the tree up and I supervise the dc decorating it.

We both think about what food and extras we'll need, and dh cooks the Christmas dinner. I sort out the food that we eat for the rest of Christmas day.

Mominatrix · 17/12/2015 06:15

pay the bills, nothing else.

Wobblystraddle · 17/12/2015 06:29

Writes and sends the cards for his family.

Buys presents for his family.

Reminds me to write my cards; makes suggestions for presents for my family if he's seen something good.

Buys and puts up the tree; we decorate it as a family.

We wraps presents together with rice and a Christmas film.

If we're hosting, he takes charge of dinner; I usually do puddings.

Buys a few presents for the dds.

He isn't v good at clearing up.

WaxyBean · 17/12/2015 06:30

He bought my present, got the tree out the loft, has carried many presents home from work (I get them delivered to him there!), will be wrapping presents while I go my Xmas party, and will be driving from London to Edinburgh and back again.

I just give him jobs to do now and deal with the rest of it - I even bought his secret Santa present for work....

ArmchairTraveller · 17/12/2015 06:30

He dislikes Christmas, so he doesn't get involved with the preparations and never has. He does buy good presents, deals with his side of the family and writes cards.
He just takes on board all the usual household stuff thet everyone else does, whilst we do Christmas things. So he cleans, does laundry and washing up, shops for basics and all the boring stuff whilst we decorate, bake and go on present expeditions.
He's always participated and appeared to appreciate Christmas, not argued, Grinched and been dismissive. All the children have ever noticed in 25 years is that he goes on a few more walks than usual.

Roystonv · 17/12/2015 06:34

Comes with me to buy tree, makes the bottom of the tree fit in the holder, gets decorations down from the attic, washes up/fills dish washer after lunch on the day

WeThreeMythicalKings · 17/12/2015 06:38

Does more than half of the decorations. And there are a LOT.

Buys and wraps surprise presents for me.

Most importantly he cooks the dinner and washes up afterwards.

I do all the cards, rest of the presents (and wrap them).

I'm happy with that.

Choughed · 17/12/2015 06:42

I do most of the presents, we share the rest of the prep. He cooks dinner, we both clear up.

I cannot understand the Christmas martyrdom that goes on here.

ImogenTubbs · 17/12/2015 06:45

We're not hosting this year, but DH and I have done decorating, Christmas cards and DD's presents equally. He sorts his family's gifts out (simply wouldn't occur to me to do this for him) but I do most of the wrapping because I enjoy it and he hates it.

I am in charge of stockings! If we were hosting, I would probably be sorting out food and logistics. We both work full time.

Enjolrass · 17/12/2015 06:50

Dh does about half.

But we both work from home and work the same hours. If we need a day for shopping we plan in advance and both go.

We both wrap and both sort our own families out.

Are the kids his? Not that, that excuse it. But he is acting more like a boyfriend rather than than a partner.

Brekekekex · 17/12/2015 06:51

This thread is

Enjolrass · 17/12/2015 06:51

Oh and he does all the cooking crhristmas day (benefits of being married to a chef) so probably does more than half.

Brekekekex · 17/12/2015 06:54

Oops, posted too soon! DH buys presents for his side, and writes/posts cards for his friends and family. He will wrap all the presents except his own as I am rubbish at it. He'll pick up the turkey on Christmas Eve and we'll share the cooking and clearing up on Christmas Day.

SewButtons · 17/12/2015 06:55

We don't have DC yet so he buys for his family and I buy for my family and our friends. I write Christmas cards but he pays for stamps and posts them (with the cost of stamps I am more than happy with this arrangement, especially as we have a lot of cards to send overseas). I also do all the present wrapping, he would do it if asked but I enjoy it and can't bear to see him doing it as it looks so awful.
I do everything else, decorating, buying of food/drink, organising dinner and meeting friends etc.
I work 4 days though with set hours and he works 7shifts over 5 days on a weekly Rota that changes very often so I don't mind doing more than him. Plus I love Christmas and he is a grumpy sod until he finishes work on the 24th.

Whathaveilost · 17/12/2015 06:55

DH does the food shopping,buys and wraps the boys and my presents. He cooks the Christmas dinner and outs out Christmas Day. He buys the Christmas tree and puts the decorations up.

I buy and wrap the rest of the presents and do the Christmas cards.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 17/12/2015 06:59

Neither of us especially likes Christmas, we really wouldn't bother with it if we didn't have kids (pre kids we each trooped dutifully back to our parents because we were expected to). DH has done a lot of present buying on the internet - usually we discuss what to get the kids, he shops around the internet for the best option and asks whether I agree before ordering. I do buy for his family though its just token chocolates and wine so one stop in a big supermarket.

Kids and I get the tree and kids mostly decorate it with a bit of help for the high bits and the lights. We don't do OTT house decorating but a few lights things the kids and I do, the kids and I get the tree unless we all go to one of the forest Christmas markets where you can chop down it yourselves (we used to do that every year but now don't bother if its just wet/ rainy/ muddy weather because its only fun on crisp, dry days!)

I would really rather not do the whole decorating and conspicuous consumption thing and just go on holiday over the Christmas season... maybe when the kids are older!

TyrannosaurusBex · 17/12/2015 06:59

DH cooks Christmas Day lunch. He buys wine for us, his DPs, my DBro and DSIL. That's about it.

Like PPs, I get irritated when he doesn't take any interest in what I'm buying but then says it's too much. Also, he's big on finding fault with all my ideas for main presents for the Dcs but never actually suggests anything himself.

I'm vexed now.

Bunbaker · 17/12/2015 07:00

"DH is buying all the gifts for his side of the family this year because I think it's only fair to divvy up the present buying activity"

We only buy for MIL on OH's side of the family. I buy for 5 people on my side.

Thefitfatty · 17/12/2015 07:03

He does most of it. He orders all the kids presents and presents for his Dad and my Dad. I'm in charge of presents for MIL and DM (arguably that's the hardest though!). He sorts flights (we travel to DP's or PIL) and buying the food and usually cooks a dish or two, while I and DM or MIL do the rest of the cooking. He wraps, he puts up tree.

BeaufortBelle · 17/12/2015 07:06

Burps, trumps and snores. But we have lovely Christmases and he is a workaholic. and his patents were mean and dull and never taught their children to have a good time so I've had to accept his flaws and work with the kind, good man I have

OfficeGirl1969 · 17/12/2015 07:09

We're not very Christmas-y here, and only the two of us know the kids are all grown up, so really only us to cater for. OH usually cooks whatever we eat (not usually turkey, just a nice meal) because he genuinely loves cooking. He's normally the chef day to day as well. It's a bit spent this year because we're having Christmas lunch with two couples who were friends with. Each couple is contributing to the food, and OH is doing the veggies. We do the pre Christmas food shop together, usually late in an evening when it's less manic. He contributes by filling the trolley with Pringles and Jim Beam and we giggle at everyone else being all stressed out!

He does presents for DSD and her b/f, I sort pressies for my DS's. It's been a bit of a weird year because he's been off work long term sick/post operative and now redundant so he's had loads of time to prepare and get gifts! We've also got friends coming for a Christmas dinner out at a restaurant this weekend and he's promised to steam the floors.

Just read the above. He's actually pretty awesome!

P1nkP0ppy · 17/12/2015 07:10

Absobloodylutely nothing. As usual.

11 birthdays between 1 November and NYE yet he still does sod all.

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