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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not take one of my DC on holiday with us?

236 replies

livvielunch · 11/12/2015 23:38

I have four DDs aged 9, 4, 3 and 9 months. My 9 year old is from my previous marriage. She's currently going through her preteen moody phase and is particularly keen on pushing boundaries, ignoring DH and I and being mean to her siblings. We want to go to Disneyland at Easter and I'm considering whether to go when she is away at her fathers. Obviously she will have holidays there that her siblings here do not, which she then gloats about to them. If she came she'd be constantly moaning it's babyish, telling her sisters the characters aren't real, complaining about sharing a room, calling her sisters babies and idiots for liking princesses etc. The younger three would have a much, much better time without her but it feels wrong going on a family holiday without a member of the family. Aibu to consider going without her?

OP posts:

Samcro · 11/12/2015 23:39

wow yep so not a good idea. she is not a pre teen(teen+13) leave her out and she will hate you

Zippidydoodah · 11/12/2015 23:40

Ouch! I'm not sure if you can exclude her like that without her feeling utterly, unmendably rejected.

Stradbroke · 11/12/2015 23:40

Bloody hell yes you are. That would devastate her and you are essentially removing her from the family. A really cruel thing to do.

Mmmmcake123 · 11/12/2015 23:41

Oooh that sounds like hard work but I think by not taking her you will just add to resentment. Has she been to Disney lots of times before

PiperChapstick · 11/12/2015 23:43

YWBVVVVVVU!

Is this a reverse? Is this what your ex is planning to actually do? If not then she is NINE FFS you can't exclude her because she's not your idea of the perfect child.

Wether or not this is a reverse I'm angry on your poor DDs behalf

walkinginmercury · 11/12/2015 23:44

I think she's actually your step DD

WorraLiberty · 11/12/2015 23:46

If she came she'd be constantly moaning it's babyish, telling her sisters the characters aren't real, complaining about sharing a room, calling her sisters babies and idiots for liking princesses etc

It sounds like you need to get a handle on your parenting, rather than simply excluding her from a family holiday.

Why does she behave that way and what consequences are there when she does?

PiperChapstick · 11/12/2015 23:48

I'm also thinking it's the OPs stepdaughter (and she thought she'd get away with being unpleasant if she made out that she's her own DD) as the tone suggests she really doesn't like her

LyndaNotLinda · 11/12/2015 23:48

Your other kids are too young anyway. If you really want to cut your eldest daughter out, why don't you wait a few years until she's old enough to find something better to do so she doesn't hate you forever?

And really, why would you take a 9 month old to Disneyland?

horseygeorgie · 11/12/2015 23:48

Poor girl! She is going to be so hurt.

This is your NINE year old daughter. She is still a child. She is obviously upset and unsettled about something and instead of effectively sending her the message that you don't want her in the family then perhaps you should be giving her the impression that you all want her around and you all love her!?!

wanderingwondering · 11/12/2015 23:49

Yabvu. Aren't you worried that this will ruin your relationship with her? She would (quite rightly) never forgive you!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 11/12/2015 23:50

Yes! Step up and deal with her attitude, because 9 is easy compared to 13. Start putting some boundries in place before she alienates her family and friends.

AgentZigzag · 11/12/2015 23:50

No, of course you can't leave her behind! It'll drive a wedge not only between you and her but also her and her sisters.

Although you can make it dependent on her having to behave and stopping needling her sisters.

I can't believe you've really thought seriously about leaving her, I can imagine if she's really doing your nut in you might think it for a second before realising that actually you love her and wouldn't want her to miss out, which is different, we all fantasise about giving them away if they're being a PITA

Pobspits · 11/12/2015 23:51

Christ alive maybe she behaves like this because you consider things like not taking her to disney with her siblings. I have an almost 9 year old and at times he's like a moany overgrown toddler but it's my job to guide him through that, lay the law down at times and love him and treat him unconditionally. It would break his Heart and his trust in me if I even considered this.

She's 9. She might seem all grown up and she might think she is too but she's really young and just a kid.

Work on her behaviour and your relationship with her. Do NOT exclude her. Actually cannot believe you'd consider it and it makes me wonder tbh what you're like towards her.

ShebaShimmyShake · 11/12/2015 23:53

You can't be serious.

Creiddylad · 11/12/2015 23:54

I do not think you are being unreasonable.

I have left one at home and taken the others, when he had exams and I knew he would spoil the holiday for the others. He still says I owe him a holiday, but I pointed out that he had holidays before the others were born.

Minibelle · 11/12/2015 23:57

I can't see how this is going to acheive anything apart from isolating your dd, causing a further divide between Her and your other dc and making her feel left out.

Horrible idea.

Floggingmolly · 11/12/2015 23:57

You're considering going to Disneyland and leaving your 9 year old behind in case she misbehaves... There are no words, really

MaisieDotes · 11/12/2015 23:57

You can't seriously plan to do this to your own child.

If she is "gloating" nasty etc then step up and help her work through what are obviously some insecurities she has about being the "odd one out". Poor little thing.

Original poster

livvielunch · 12/12/2015 00:00

She has been before. When I mentioned going she huffed and sighed and belittled her sisters saying what a stupid baby place it is to go and she would hate to go there. I don't see why I should then go and spend hundreds of pounds to take her to a place she doesn't want to go when she'll then also spoil it for her sisters.

OP posts:

PiperChapstick · 12/12/2015 00:01

He still says I owe him a holiday, but I pointed out that he had holidays before the others were born.

So you're punishing him for being the oldest? Hardly his fault is it!

ouryve · 12/12/2015 00:02

Go ahead and leave her at home. It will help you to rebuild your relationship with her no end.

Pobspits · 12/12/2015 00:03

Don't you? It's because she's your child you see and you're her mother. She is pushing the boundaries to see if you'll still love her. It's not hard to understand and it's also not hard to understand why she's doing it. Give her some bloody reassurance. You sound so mean and unfeeling though I'm Bowing out because I can't believe it.

Samcro · 12/12/2015 00:03

PiperChapstick · 12/12/2015 00:04

I don't see why I should then go and spend hundreds of pounds to take her to a place she doesn't want to go when she'll then also spoil it for her sisters.

Because she's your child (although I'm still dubious that she's not actually your stepDD) and you should treat them fairly. You're actually going to exclude her because you assume she's going to say very specific things? My DD said today Santa is silly. Think I'll cancel Christmas this year, why should I bother?!

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