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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DS (17) make his own way home from work?

214 replies

VelvetSpoon · 01/12/2015 23:09

My DS1 has just started a part time job, working 10 hours a week. Tonight he was working til 10.30.

DS phoned and asked for a lift, as the bus wasn't coming for 20-25 mins (it's a 25 min walk home, or 2 mins on bus and a 10 min walk), and it was raining and he only had a thin, non waterproof coat, so didn't want to walk.

My bf (who would have to have gone and got him) said no, as earlier we'd had to give DS a lift to work as otherwise he'd have been late (no reason, he was just faffing about).

I agreed with this, especially as DS had already had a lift today...but equally he's still not home and has to be up at 6.30 tomorrow for school...so was I BU?

OP posts:
whois · 01/12/2015 23:11

I'm on the fence.

A lift is nice but you'd already been out once because he wasn't organised enough. Also he should have taken a coat.

25 min walk isn't v much really, he'd have been home for 11. Bed for 11.30 and ok for school the next day.

AliceInUnderpants · 01/12/2015 23:11

YWNBU.

What idiot goes out at this time of year, at that time of night, with a thin non-waterproof coat? He was expecting a lift. Now, he won't Grin

wanderingwondering · 01/12/2015 23:14

He should have walked. Is he made of sugar?!

myotherusernameisbetter · 01/12/2015 23:18

In principle YWNBU however, I'd have gotten him and given him a lecture...I would add that I am a soft touch though :)

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 01/12/2015 23:21

He has one thick coat, never wears it as he doesn't like it. He goes out like that all the time, not because he expects a lift - he walked home 2 miles from a party at the weekend without a coat but had imbibed one or two ciders to keep him warm. However it wasn't raining then (it's been chucking it down tonight).

He's finally home now at least.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 01/12/2015 23:24

Personally, I would have given him a lift if you weren't doing anything. It's raining! Taking ten minutes to pick up your DC so they don't have to walk in the cold and the rain is hardly going to make them a spoiled brat!

If either of my 2DSDs called when it was raining and asked me to pick the, up while I was just sitting at home, it wouldn't even cross my mind to say no.

BackforGood · 01/12/2015 23:24

With me it depends on quite a few things (both my older two work in jobs where they finish at 10pm when on the late shift).
I don't want them to think I will automatically go out, but, OTOH, I know how nice it is at the end of a long day to be given a lift rather than waiting 20mins in the rain for the bus.

queenoftheworld93 · 01/12/2015 23:27

I would definitely have picked him up! It's December and bloody awful outside. Blush

19lottie82 · 01/12/2015 23:28

Would you give your partner a lift if he called in the same situation?

AnyFucker · 01/12/2015 23:35

I would have picked him up

Yeah, so he's a pita about the faffing and the coat

But he is working. Lots of sad posts from mums of teenagers on here who would give their right arm to be in this position

AnyFucker · 01/12/2015 23:36

Actually, I tell a lie

I would have gone along with DH picking him up [santa]

DramaAlpaca · 01/12/2015 23:37

I'd have picked him up.

ZenNudist · 01/12/2015 23:38

How long does it take you to go get him? If less than 30 mins there and back I'd probably do it just this once, just not all the time

wickedwaterwitch · 01/12/2015 23:42

I'd have collected him but

A) I'd be pleased he's working
B) it's late and dark and cold
C) I'm a soppy sap

TheFairyCaravan · 01/12/2015 23:42

Christ, no wonder people have shit relationships with their teenagers!

What harm would it have done to have picked him up, really? In our house either DH or I would have been waiting outside for when he had finished, he wouldn't have had to have phoned, because we'd have done the same for each other.

Honestly, I don't understand this attitude of making kids walk home just because they'd had a lift earlier! Hmm

coffeeisnectar · 01/12/2015 23:49

My dd is 17 and works til 10pm or 11pm two evenings. No way would I let her walk home alone at that time and she has school the next day. She also gets up at 6.30 and does a day at school and then a 5 or 6 hour shift at work. She's knackered by the time she's finished.

Yabu

Bakeoffcake · 01/12/2015 23:49

I agree with you TheFairyCaravan, no wonder people have shit relationships with their teens. If it had been anyone else phoning up- you, a friend or relative I expect your BF would have gone and got them. To leave someone in the rain for 25 mins is just mean, especially as he was coming out of work and has to be out for school early tomorrow.

Yes, he might leart a lesson about taking a coat but he probably also learnt to think your BF is a twat.

BackforGood · 01/12/2015 23:50

I think, Fairycaravan, it's about helping them learn to plan, (having coat, having bus fair, leaving travel time) and also to understand about all the considerations that go with "value" of different jobs - the fact you have to factor in your 'commute' etc.

As I said upthread, I usually do pick my dc up from work when they are on a late shift, but, they work this job because it pays extra, over the local job that doesn't involve waiting for a bus..... it's all part of the learning.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 01/12/2015 23:51

I don't drive, hence why it would have to have been bf picking him up, not me.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 01/12/2015 23:52

I just don't understand it Bake. I just don't understand what people think they gain from treating their kids like this. Confused

YouWakeUpFlawless · 01/12/2015 23:55

When I was a yeenager, and still now at 24 with a DD, my dad still offers to pick me up after work ( I don't drive, DP Is at home with DD in bed so can't get me) after late shifts, 11pm onwards. I don't take him up on the offer but I appreciate it a lot and love him & my mum for it - she is usually one who asks him to

coffeeisnectar · 01/12/2015 23:55

We always drive dd to and from work, even at weekends although if we can't pick her up at the weekend and she's finishing at teatime she gets the bus. But it's a five minute drive. It takes 30 mins to walk and the same for the bus which goes all over the place.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/12/2015 23:55

Learning what?

You get a job that finishes at an awkward time and instead of your parents helping you out, especially when you've got to get up early for school the next day, they make it as difficult as possible for you.

I'm glad my children didn't have to learn that, tbh!

JeanSeberg · 01/12/2015 23:59

You know you're unreasonable or you wouldn't be asking. Poor lad.

bessiebumptious2 · 02/12/2015 00:00

I often get called by DSDs (17) to pick them up or drop them off somewhere. If it's early evening and they're between bus routes then it's a no (their dad works away during the week and their mother won't do anything at all for them). If it's late at night or somewhere awkward then I happily do it.

I won't do it just because it's raining. Or just because they can't be bothered to get the bus. If they are working late then I would pick them up if they ask, period.