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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 29/11/2015 22:14

If you hadn't contacted them yourself to say she wouldn't be in, then they have a duty to try to find out.

Imagine you'd sent her to school as usual and she hadn't arrived, and the school made no effort to contact you.

ElasticPants · 29/11/2015 22:15

Dds school require any absences to be known to then before 8:30 if possible. This is so they know who is on premises when they open the gates, and also in case anything has happened to children who walk to school alone.

I would be concerned if they didn't try to contact me if DD wasn't in.

Snowglobe18 · 29/11/2015 22:16

It depends on the school's policy. What time do you have to contact them by? Ours gives until 9.30, if you don't inform them by then, they try to contact you by any means necessary. Their website even says if they can't contact you they may inform the police.
If their policy is clear on the website, and they stuck to it, they aren't BU.

noblegiraffe · 29/11/2015 22:16

How do you think they got your work email?

As it goes, a bit overzealous perhaps, but they do have a lot of kids to get through so perhaps covering all bases in one go is quicker than trying again later.

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:16

They won't be running round asking this child and that child where your child is. If their system is like ours then it is automated by 9:15. Everyone who's child in unexplained gets a text message.

SplitEndsBushyEyebrows · 29/11/2015 22:17

I'd be pleased they were so efficient letting me know that my child was absent...what if I wasn't aware of this? Wouldn't want them waiting until, say, 12 to start making enquiries.

AlphaOmicronPi · 29/11/2015 22:17

Um no. You weren't stalked. You didn't bother to inform them she was unwell and so they attempted to ascertain her whereabouts. Why do you find that odd?

MsJamieFraser · 29/11/2015 22:17

did you call the school? its just manners to tell the school your daughter would not be attending due to ill health.

gamerchick · 29/11/2015 22:18

Why didn't you ring in and let them know she was going to be absent?

I know exactly where you're coming from though, I refused to give the school my mobile number and they ended up getting it by stealth instead. Angry

Sirzy · 29/11/2015 22:18

Why didn't you phone school to report her absense?

Hassled · 29/11/2015 22:19

Of course they tried to contact you. Would you really rather they didn't bother? You're assuming the secretary knows all about your lift arrangements and was able to track down the other child to quiz her - and other child presumably wouldn't have been able to say where your DD was, thus adding to the concern. I think rather than complain you should be glad the school gives a shit - and next time, let the school know bright and early if she's off sick.

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:19

Why would you refuse to give a number? I don't understand this at all. If your child is unwell why do you want them to spend hours in first aid puking while we ring numbers which don't work?

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 22:20

My school contacts all parents in cases of absence, regardless of whether another child or adult has said anything. The school has a duty of care and needs to hear from the person with parental responsibility as to the whereabouts of any absent children. I would be a bit Confused if a school didn't do this.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 29/11/2015 22:20

Yabu. I'm a teacher. If a child doesn't come in then of course we follow it up. It's basic safeguarding. As a pp said, how would you feel if they didn't contact you and you'd sent her in but god forbid she hadn't arrived? Jeez.

And how exactly do you think they got your work email?

Piffpaffpoff · 29/11/2015 22:20

That's standard protocol at my DCs school and across our country, implemented, I think, after a tragic case nearby where someone didn't turn up for school and was later found murdered.

RandomMess · 29/11/2015 22:21

Wasn't this policy of chasing up "missing" brought in after the abduction of 2 school girls on the way to school in the 90's?

JumpandScore · 29/11/2015 22:21

They have to contact you, it would be awful if they didn't. What I'd you'd dropped her in the playground and she'd disappeared before making it to class, or this was the day she started walking by herself and hadn't arrived. If you haven't told them she's sick, they have to assume you think she's in school.

Seriouslyffs · 29/11/2015 22:21

It's to check she's not in a ditch somewhere. No other reason.

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:22

And "by stealth" in my experience means asking a sick child if he or she knows a parent's mobile number so that they can go home. I hate seeing the kid's faces when o know they have been told not to give it but they want to go home.

Schools aren't like hog warts - we don't have sick bays

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 22:22

Also Hmm that you think the secretary's job is to be wandering around the school asking children why others aren't there.

Kr1stina · 29/11/2015 22:24

My children's HIGH school make a call AND send a text to let you know that your child hasn't turned up . Even though the child could in fact be over 16. I think it's a great system .

I'm suprised you don't see the benefit of it . I hope you've apologised to the school for not letting them know where your child was.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/11/2015 22:25

Oh my goodness. Your school were amazing going to so much effort to try to contact you because they were concerned about your child. And you're cross about it?!? Beggars belief.
Yabsu.

Haffdonga · 29/11/2015 22:26

stalked!!!
FFS. Can you imagine the fuss if a child failed to turn up to school, the parents have not reported themn absent and the school doesn't try to contact the parents?

You are being ridiculous.

gamerchick · 29/11/2015 22:26

No by stealth I mean they got it from the screen when I rang up one day. There are multiple other ways they can contact me including 3 other contacts.

If they didn't whinge so much about unimportant stuff then it would have been fine and if they didn't send teams and reams of texts of shite it also would have been fine.

The fact they don't use it for emergencies and sickness only makes a parent eyerolly.

Pepperpot123 · 29/11/2015 22:26

You should have phoned the school and let them know she wasn't coming in. I thought that was standard