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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 29/11/2015 23:14

You keep saying your child is only 10, and your 4 miles away but my nephew was dropped in the playground by Another mother who he'd had asleep over with , one of the older children teased him about his parents splitting up so instead of filing in to the class room when the bell went he hid in the toilets and followed one of the reception kids mums out the door, and was happily walking the mile home when I got a phone call to ask if I was aware he'd not turned up for school and they couldn't get hold if my sister so I started walking to the school myself and met him half way. He was 7 at the time!
I've known reception kids slip out of school dos they just want their mummy's! Especially if it's a village school a good proportion probably live with in walking distance.

Just because you live a distance away and your daughters 10. Doesn't nean children who are younger or older and live closer might not slip away before register. What would you do if you had indeed sent her to school and shed tried to walk home and no one had noticed?!

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:14

And young impressionable girls are exactly the sort that some horrible people like. Holly Wells and Jessica Chapmen were only ten. They weren't abducted as such, they went of their own accord.

They weren't skiving school so i don't see the relevance. I don't like you likening Ian Huntley , a member of staff at their school luring little girls into his home, with 'meeting a boyfriend'

OP posts:
Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:16

I think Naughttothree that they know this is something that some children would never do.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 29/11/2015 23:17

This is a real eye opener for me. We don't have to inform the school if the child is off sick, just send them a note afterwards, when the child comes back to school.

Lauren15 · 29/11/2015 23:17

My 3 dcs attend 3 different schools. Only one of those schools follows up if I have forgotten to report an absence. After reading this thread, I'm now thinking of complaining to the other two that they don't.

clam · 29/11/2015 23:17

Is this thread for real?

You should have called the school and left a message on their answerphone as soon as you decided she wasn't going in - at around the same time you were calling your parents to arrange for her to go there for the day.

I can just see the DM headlines now. Parent with sad face, all ready to sue the school for not contacting them to say child was missing and taking the word of her 11 year old friend. The HT would be out on her ear pretty quick, too.

YABVVVVU.

UnGoogleable · 29/11/2015 23:18

They weren't skiving school so i don't see the relevance

The point people are trying to make, OP, and you're spectacularly failing to see, is that:

  1. Your child could have been missing due to some awful reason. The school did everything they could to contact you as soon as possible. If she really was missing, you'd be bloody grateful they had tried so hard.
  1. Children lie for each other due to lots of reasons. You, and the school, shouldn't rely on an 11 year old to vouch for your daughter.
TalcAndTurnips · 29/11/2015 23:19

And if there are a thousand pupils in the school, don't leave a message saying that Ben won't be in today. Without a surname or even a year group.

School admin staff relish the challenge of working out which Ben - as much as they enjoy trying to contact Mrs Dreary to tell her that Nigel has dislocated his knee and needs to go to hospital, but then finding that every single bloody contact number is incorrect.

Don't bother reporting that Euripides won't be in until 11am as he has an orthodontist appointment - and don't worry about sending him in with a note. He looks honest enough - I'm sure he wasn't having a lie-in after playing Call of Duty until 3am. Perish the thought.

Oooooh and school permission slips returned two weeks after the closing date. We love those too. Parents - you have every right to steam down to that school to complain that Brenda didn't get a place on the theatre trip that was clearly marked a limited places first-come-first-served. How could the school be so unfeeling? Brenda loves Wicked and all her friends are going. Bastards.

Grin
Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:19

So if you run a sports club or Brownie pack, do you set alarm bells off if a child doesn't turn up? Do you think they might have fallen into a ditch or run off to meet a boyfriend?

OP posts:
mumeeee · 29/11/2015 23:20

YABU. The school was only doing their job. You should have phoned them to let them know your DD was off sick before you.dropped her off at your parents.

Pipbin · 29/11/2015 23:20

I said 'boyfriend' not boyfriend. Some undesirable types are able to talk lovely innocent girls around and persuade them to do things like skive off school to meet them.

If you want to ignore that things like this happen and carry on bitching that the school should have taken the word of an eleven year old rather than disturbing you, then you carry on.

Bunbaker · 29/11/2015 23:20

squiggle I expect Ofsted would have something to say about that. That is appallingly lax of the school.

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 23:23

There is no such thing as knowing what some children would or would never do.

We had an extremely sensible girl in yr5 a few years back who was having some upsetting times at home due to a family member being ill. She tried to bolt from the playground at every opportunity and it was months before she could be "trusted" to walk into school without somebody physically guiding her. The family member's illness was not particularly serious.

Point being, no one could have predicted how this little girl reacted to something in her life that upset her, not even her parents. Saying that the school should know which children would never do something is ridiculous.

DancingDinosaur · 29/11/2015 23:24

They weren't skiving school so i don't see the relevance. I don't like you likening Ian Huntley , a member of staff at their school luring little girls into his home, with 'meeting a boyfriend'

*It doesn't really matter does it. Bad things happen sometimes. Rather than getting cross about it go and thank the school for their diligence. And ermm, yeah grow up ...,

clam · 29/11/2015 23:24

Well, with all clubs that are run on our school premises straight after school, there is a clear system of following up any child who doesn't arrive to register. 9 times out of 10, the parent has collected them at normal pick-up, and taken them home for whatever reason, forgetting to inform the office/club. Each club leader takes a register, and sends the names of any no-shows to the office, who then phone parents to check where they are.

Pipbin · 29/11/2015 23:24

I think Naughttothree that they know this is something that some children would never do.

No, no they don't know that, and neither do you. You might think that they wouldn't, and I really hope that your DD is as lovely and honest as she appears to you but you cannot say for sure that she wouldn't and the school certainly can't. They don't know what is going on in your home life. They don't know that you and your DH didn't have a huge row last night which has resulted in him walking out and her being distressed.

clam · 29/11/2015 23:28

A brownie pack, or similar, is slightly different from school, as it's not required that children attend.

TalcAndTurnips · 29/11/2015 23:30

I have had phone messages that I have been unsure about and have phoned a parent for confirmation - and have uncovered pupils taking a day off to be with friend/boyfriend on several occasions over the years. That friend or boyfriend could be someone posing a danger to a young person - we have to be so flaming vigilant.

Teenage boys rarely sound like dads though - you can almost hear the bum-fluff over the phone. Grin

FrustratedStepMum · 29/11/2015 23:30

YABVU
In fact a total over dramatic whinge arse! Hmm

Elmersnewfriend · 29/11/2015 23:30

Oh FFS OP, YOU clearly don't think you were being unreasonable, so why've you asked on here?

This is why I could never be a teacher!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 29/11/2015 23:30

The point is that a responsible adult is supposed to inform the school before registration time. An 11 year old friend cannot be that responsible adult. Common sense may well suggest that they could figure out that your DD was indeed I'll and safe. But safeguarding doesn't work on figuring out. If they took the word of an 11 year old and the 11 year old was mistaken or lying then that 11 year old could be 'responsible' for alarm not being raised.
Yes this 11 year old might be 100% reliable but policy dictates that there is no room for value judgements because they are subjective. And therefore a risk.

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:32

So does that mean they are less likely to befall an accident/be abducted on the way there?

OP posts:
squiggleirl1 · 29/11/2015 23:33

Bunbaker, I'm not in the UK, and so this ridiculous situation of not trying to make sure children are safe, continues. It's ridiculous. Even though the school know that it has happened in the past that upset children have left school to try to find their parents, they still won't do it. Apparently our school isn't alone in this though, which is why it's okay to continue this ridiculous practice. Hmm

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:33

Stop trying to deflect, OP. Are you really still in denial that the school acted entirely correctly?

Pigeonpost · 29/11/2015 23:38

FFS. Stalked?!? "just because I have used my work email to contact them doesn't mean I want to hear from them on it?". Entitled much? If your child is off sick you find the 20 seconds it needs to call the school and leave an answerphone message. It's neither complicated or unreasonable. As if the office staff don't have enough to do instead of chasing round after people like you.