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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 02/12/2015 03:49

Oh do governers never have car crashes?

And oh as you weren't reaspondinn to a single attempt to contact you they couldn't have known you weren't seriously injured either hence the attempt to contact your partner!

Do governners children never fall over and seriously injure themselves?!

Do governers give their children not get bullied?! Or just have a bad day so they walk out?!

Do governners children wear badges that say I'm a governners child don't abduct me?!

Are governners children immune from abuse from family members?!

Answer to all these questions is of course well no! Therefore the school has to treat your child and every other child exactly the same way as they would if any of the "at risk category children" make every attempt to discover the child's whereabouts. Then take the steps that are needed.

And before you say yet again why is it schools business to do this. Because they are responsiable for them during school hours.

And we've now gone back to you wanting answers on your spefic case. No the school were not 'stalking' you regardless of where you live, wether you/DH are a governer, or that a message was sent in with another child. They were trying to fulfil responsiablity to safeguard your childs welfare! And no it's bot sadeguardibg gone too far because sadly tragic or nearly tragic things still happen to childre. And schools are a vital link in discovering them or even better attempting to prevent them all together. Those things can happen to anyone regardless of wether their parent is a governer or given the school their work email Adress or not.

Senpai · 02/12/2015 05:08

Next time just tell the school before 9:15am. Problem solved.

So much angst over a simple solution.

LuluJakey1 · 02/12/2015 05:53

I agree with the OP- absolutely, the school should only conact you on the contact address supplied. So when your daughter breaks a leg in PE and that email does not work for whatever reason, they should send her to the hospital without a parent rather than bother you on another email address. They should stick to what you wanted.

As a teacher, I am heartened by all the parents on here who have been so supportive of the school and schools generally. Thank you all so much.

The OP sounds like one of those parents who thinks their child's school is a private childminding service that operates for her convenience. 'Please don't bother me at work' 'Don't contact me on my work email' 'Don't contact me on my mobile' 'Don't ring me at work'. We hear it all the time and they are the first to complain about any piddling little thing that does not suit them.

Enjolrass · 02/12/2015 06:22

I need to be a Govenor, since it will make my child and her friends immune to bad things happening.

Why does no one tell you this?? Shock

ArmchairTraveller · 02/12/2015 06:36

'Answer to all these questions is of course well no! Therefore the school has to treat your child and every other child exactly the same way as they would if any of the "at risk category children" make every attempt to discover the child's whereabouts. Then take the steps that are needed.'

That's the point of rules and laws. They apply to everyone, equally. Try living somewhere they don't, and you will have a lot more to worry about.

Bunbaker · 02/12/2015 06:38

What has being a governor got to do with it? When I was parent governor I didn't want all of DD's teachers to know. I didn't want her to be singled out because of it.

IguanaTail · 02/12/2015 06:41

I'm more concerned that you are a school governor, and don't have any understanding of basic safeguarding procedures or the reasons for them in schools, than the initial silly gripe, to be completely honest.

Higge · 02/12/2015 06:47

OP I think you are being unreasonable and I'm glad the schools take their responsibility seriously by pursuing this with you. But I think you have not met your end of the deal - you should have called them, at the very least it will be part of the school rules to do but it is also good manners to inform the school if your dd will not be attending.
Op I have no idea what your agenda is but it certainly doesn't seem to be a concern for the safeguarding of children.

Higge · 02/12/2015 06:53

Priests, Headteachers, Teachers....hell even pop stars and TV presenters - the list goes on, it seems no group is exempt from having child abusers among it - stop the press! - it seem we have a unique group - the Parent Governors! Seriously OP? The risk might seem small, but why do you seem so intent on taking it?

HSMMaCM · 02/12/2015 06:59

You only live a short distance away and your child always gets a lift. Yesterday your children had an argument and you both decided to take them to school separately today. Yesterday your child had a headache after the argument, so the other child tells school she is off sick today. Meanwhile you are both abducted / murdered / in a ditch in your crashed car and no one knows.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/12/2015 07:15

Op you remind me of a radio show I used to listen to (can't remember which) where panellists were asked to defend the indefensible

You think the school should not call because your DD is probably in all likelihood ok

Right. Confused

Enjolrass · 02/12/2015 07:16

Just imagining the conversation with the police

Police - 'so she didn't turn up at 9am and it's now 4pm, and she is missing. Why did you not contact the parents to make them aware?'

Head teacher - 'well she is usually dropped of by a Govenor so we assumed nothing bad would have happened to her'

Can you imagine the police, Local authority or the other parents at the school thinking that's ok?

echt · 02/12/2015 07:32

OP, so you're a governor and you think that gives some privilege.

You are "that" parent.

You shouldn't be a governor because you clearly see it as dispensatory, you are/should be accorded a special level of belief. A fucking disgrace. Resign and do the school a favour.

Sirzy · 02/12/2015 07:35

Op perhaps you could provide the school with a list of which children they should care about enough to check and which parents are important enough to just be left to their own devices.

Pipbin · 02/12/2015 07:36

Just because the friend is a daughter of a governor does mean she won't ever lie.

Topseyt · 02/12/2015 09:16

The OP isn't the governor, I don't think (and thank god for that). I thought the other parent who normally gives the lift is the governor.

Presumably hopefully that parent has much more sense than OP.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 02/12/2015 09:29

OP, How did your friend know that your DD wouldn't need a lift to school last Friday? Did you call her?

x2boys · 02/12/2015 09:36

why would you not just call the school it takes two minutes then the school wouldnt need to try and contact you i try and phone by ten past eight if either of my boys are going to be lateHmm

x2boys · 02/12/2015 09:36

that should be off sick*

nortonhouse · 02/12/2015 10:02

When the OP started this thread, I thought she was having us on: was she really asking whether it was unreasonable of the school to use every means possible to confirm that her daughter was safe? Was she for some reason offended that the school was concerned about her daughter's welfare? However, it's clear from the OP's subsequent posts that she firmly believes she is in the right. I really don't understand why (given her intransigence) OP posted on AIBU to begin with.... Does this remind anyone else of the "super soaker" thread??

Dipankrispaneven · 02/12/2015 13:34

But if a child is known to live 4 miles away travel everyday with an adult parent (governor) Really it is beyond stupid to think that there is any likelihood something has befallen her en route.

The unfortunate admin person has a list of absent children which she has to check against the list of children whose parents have phoned in, then work out which ones haven't phoned and called them, all as early as possible because it's been drummed into her that minutes count in cases of illness and abduction. Are you seriously telling us that she should have stopped to think "Hang on, Brioche's DD travels in with Mrs Governor, she must be fine"? Or indeed that it's her job to make that judgment?

You still haven't actually told us what harm it did that you had these various messages. It does rather look as if they made you feel guilty about the fact you hadn't phoned and you are transferring your discomfort.

nortonhouse · 02/12/2015 16:02

dipankrispaneven is right: the OP was embarrassed by the whole thing (and now doesn't want to admit she was wrong).

Original poster
Brioche201 · 02/12/2015 16:07

Nortonhouse Oh you are funny chick! I am not embarrassed

OP posts:
Original poster
Brioche201 · 02/12/2015 16:13

Well there are only 50 children- about 30 families at the school so yes I would expect, infact I know that Sarah in the office knows DD comes with Mr X every day.

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 02/12/2015 16:21

Why not bring not contacting parents in the event of a child not attending without notification by parents at next gov meeting? Maybe push through a review?

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