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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:
RideEmCowgirl · 29/11/2015 22:27

I personally would be extremely grateful at that level of contact. If my child had not made it into school I would not know until they didn't return at 3.30pm. By then it could be to late. ....

arethereanyleftatall · 29/11/2015 22:28

Instead of complaining, you should apologise.

Haffdonga · 29/11/2015 22:29

And they obviously tried each of those numbers and email addresses in turn. IOf you had answered any of them then they wouldn't have tried the next contact number on their list.

You must have contacted them by your work email at some point or provided it to them. They couldn't have made it up on their own.

Clare1971 · 29/11/2015 22:29

YABU. Unless you've made it clear which contact you would prefer them to use how are they supposed to know? It's not like they're expecting you to answer every one. You are supposed to contact them after all. Most schools have an answer phone so you can ring as soon as you know the DC is going to be off and not wait for someone to be in the office.

JumpandScore · 29/11/2015 22:29

I really don't know why any parent wouldn't want the school to have every possible way of contacting them. Why wouldn't you just give them all your numbers Confused and calling someone back on the number they used to call you is hardly stealth

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:29

I suppose it depends what you mean by unimportant stuff gamer.

Endless updates about achievements and the like - unimportant and annoying

Child not turning up to class, failing assessments, not returning forms - important

I know I have grabbed a mobile number as the several which have been provided don't work when I need to contact the parent

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:32

I do understand if you have made t absolutely clear who should be contacted when that it is annoying to then have that superseded. I have m, however, contacted emergency contacts only to find that the person didn't know they were an emergency contact so refused to come.
Sorry - side chat with gamer

Redlocks28 · 29/11/2015 22:32

Ok, say the secretary spoke to the other child at 9.30 who said your child was sick, so the secretary fills your child in as sick on the register for the morning and the afternoon.

But this child was lying for some reason, just because that happens sometimes and is why you can't just rely on the word of one child every time. What if your child wasn't sick, but fell ill/was abducted/hit by a car/murdered and dumped in a ditch on the way to school and you don't realise until you go to collect them at 3.30pm.

Whose fault would that be? The child? The secretary? Yours?

They can't ask another child where children are and use that as fact.

That's why, if your child isn't going to school, it's best to give the school a ring before 9am and let them know.

DancingDinosaur · 29/11/2015 22:32

I think its great they have gone to so much effort. What if something had gone badly wrong. I'd thank them, not be cross with them.

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:36

I did ring the school once I had dropped her off at my mums and got into work.There are only about 50 pupils in the school and they know she comes in every day with x and her dad, and x told them she was off sick.The school is 4 miles away is only ten she is not going to walk it by herself!

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/11/2015 22:36

Yabu. They are legally bound to contact you and check, if you have not reported her absent. Heaven forbid it could have worked the other way. You could have sent her out to school something could have hsooened. You're in work none the wiser, and your DD doesn't come home. You would have very rightky said to the school. Why didn't you tell me she wasn't in school, ...and their heads would roll.
This is not a new policy. It was brought in because back in the 90s 2 little girls aged around 10 or 11 were abducted in their way to school, and kept prisoner. Thankfully they were found obviously very traumatised mind, but while their parents thought tgey were safe in school the poor little mites were being abused.
As the school just assumed the girls were absent and the parents had not got around to informing the school. When in actual face. The truth very sinister.
It's called safe guarding op. Tgey have to follow procedures. You'd have something to say. If they didn't, I'm sure

JumpandScore · 29/11/2015 22:36

If your child was missing (which she was at the time) surely you'd want them to use every possible means and all their ingenuity to contact you? We've been known to send a staff member to the house and knock on the neighbours' door in attempts to find a parent in an emergency.

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 22:37

I suspect they've got your work email address because you have used it at some point in the past to contact them.

If your child had gone missing you would have been very grateful to them for taking so much trouble to track you down.

Iggi999 · 29/11/2015 22:37

YABVU

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 22:37

You're still being unreasonable. They can't take the word of another child.

Youarentkiddingme · 29/11/2015 22:38

If school has started the child isn't there and school haven't been informed they have a duty of care to find out why.

Last week I rang up school whilst stuck unmoving in tailbacks. I left a quick "DS isn't in today". 2 hours later I got a call wanting to know why, "he was ill", with what? "Temperature" and will he be in tomorrow? "I don't know, that's 22 hours from now!"

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/11/2015 22:38

It's not unheard of for children to cover for each other OP. Schools cant take another child's word for it when it comes to absence.

LindyHemming · 29/11/2015 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalcAndTurnips · 29/11/2015 22:39

The examples given here are also a good illustration of the reason that absence calls should be made by parents every day.

Many parents complain when they are texted/called on a second or third day of absence. If a child doesn't turn up after a day or two of absence without a call from home, the school should not assume that that child is still absent due to illness - this assumption could lead to a missing child being overlooked. Of course the chances of this happening are very unlikely, but a consciencious school should pursue all unreported absence, no matter how much it irritates parents. A text or a phone message from home takes only a minute or two each day; saves the school hours of unnecessary work and removes any uncertainty.

Original poster
Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:39

You must have contacted them by your work email at some point or provided it to them

Yes I have contacted them on work email, it doesn't mean I want to hear from them on it.

So if it's a legal responsibility, what about secondary schools? they never contact to say your DC isn't at school?

OP posts:
Pipbin · 29/11/2015 22:39

Do the school know that she comes in with another child? When they are in KS2 and above staff often have no idea how a child gets to school each day.

There was a thread a while go where a parent was unhappy because the school hadn't gone to enough lengths to contact her to say that DD was back from a trip early, despite calling her and her DH's mobile.

Schools can't win can they.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 29/11/2015 22:40

We have to ring our school before 9.15. After that they start calling. I usually leave a voice mail early before any staff are in if I know my child won't be in.

LemonRedwood · 29/11/2015 22:40

All our local secondaries have the same policy and a pp said that's exactly what her dc's secondary does.

Haffdonga · 29/11/2015 22:40

Your child was missing and you don't want to be contacted on your work email

Really?!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 29/11/2015 22:41

Be grateful they care enough to make that effort.

When my DD didnt turn up for school, they called me. Turns out they had forgotten I had told them she would be in late, due a medical appt. No harm done, they forgot, rung to check if things were ok and I was grateful they did. They know I'm a single parent so its nice to know they would call.