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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

stalked by school!

385 replies

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:10

Last Friday DD was off sick. I start work at 9.30 so got her up and dressed and dropped her round at my parents.When I got to work there was an email on my work email address (which I have NOT given out to them as a contact address), an emaul on my personal email, messages on my mobile and home number and DH's mobile! All before 9.15 wanting to enquire as to DDs whereabouts!! Now DD gets a lift to school every day with another child from the same village (we are 4 miles away from school) so pretty obvious that she hasn't befallen an accident on the way.Infact the secretary would have asked the other child if DD was coming
I am thinking of complaining to the school, as I think it was pretty rude to try to contact me by so many different means especially my work email wanting to know her 'whereabouts'.WTF !!

OP posts:

UnGoogleable · 29/11/2015 22:58

Yes I have contacted them on work email, it doesn't mean I want to hear from them on it.

OP try to imagine this situation. You drop your DD off for school as usual thinking she's fine and you make your way to work. But before she gets to school, something awful happens to her, something unimaginable and she doesn't turn up.

The school do everything they can to contact you, to make sure she's ok.

Then re read your sentence above.

Now can you see why you're being unreasonable?

Asheth · 29/11/2015 22:58

The school can't take the word of a child, however sensible. Even sensible ones get things wrong. If there was an accident and no one raised the alarm the school can not use the defence 'an 11 year old said she was at her Grandmas.'

Passmethecrisps · 29/11/2015 22:58

But they can't! They aren't allowed to. Why is this bothering you on a Sunday night anyway?

They were right and one day you might wish that the slack sounding secondary school ups its game and let's you know your child isn't where you though they were.

You sound like you hate the school. Move your child or move on

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/11/2015 22:58

Well its not common sense in my book. I wouldn't take the word of any child sensible or not. I'd want an adults confirmation.
Plus like I mentioned due to safe guarding procedures. Tgey cant just take 'the word of a child'.
What in God's name are you thinking of.

Original poster

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 22:58

Ah yes, I suppose it could be that they wanted to know if she was late as opposed to 'absent'.I will concede that that is a fair point.She has a very troublesome tooth and has had a lot of dentist appointments recently

OP posts:

JumpandScore · 29/11/2015 22:58

The whole voluntary contribution thing has to be included in the letter, but there is no money to pay for the trip if parents don't.if more than one or two don't pay, the trip will be cancelled

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 22:58

I would take the word of a sensible eleven year old she always gets a lift in with.I think that is common sense in most people's book?

No. Because 11 year olds are just that, 11 year olds. It isn't at all unknown for an ostensibly sensible 11 year old child to lie if her friend asks her to.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/11/2015 22:59

How would your complaint go?
'Im absolutely furious that you tried every avenue possible to contact me when my daughter was missing from school'?
Them 'wtaf'?

m0therofdragons · 29/11/2015 22:59

If your dc was supposed to be at school and hadn't shown up how long would you expect them to wait before alerting anyone? Surely the sooner the better. I think the school is impressive to be so on top of an absence that hadn't been confirmed. They're checking your dc safety how can that annoy you?

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:00

I notice that despite having the round trip to your parents you reckon you still got to work 10 minutes early. So you clearly had time to contact the school.

Serioussteve · 29/11/2015 23:00

DDs secondary have an answerphone for absence, after 9:15 they start contacting parents.

Incidentally, op, you've emailed the school from your work email yet have such an issue them using it to contact you! Maybe you shouldn't have emailed them from that account if it wasn't to be stored/used...

Original poster

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:00

What if your DD was sneaking off to meet a 'boyfriend' rather than going into school between being dropped off and registration?

A boyfriend! she is TEN!

OP posts:

JumpandScore · 29/11/2015 23:03

Yes and it wouldn't be the first time op. Or just sneaking off to do anything she shouldn't or simply playing hookey?

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:04

I'm intrigued that you know all about your secondary school's practices when dealing with unauthorised absences. Does that mean you make a habit of not letting schools know why your children are away?

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2015 23:04

Our secondary school doesn't.They send you a letter weeks later asking to tick the reason for your child not being in registration for a particular session.

Bloody hell.

So a parent could send their child to school and have no idea that they didn't arrive safely, until they didn't arrive home again in the evening?

OFSTED would have a field day with my local school if it was that lax.

ExitPursuedByABear · 29/11/2015 23:05

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 29/11/2015 23:05

I'm sorry but a secondary schools partially have this policy to stop truancy as well as protect all dangerous situations to the children in fact many sixth forms and FE colleges do as well, I know my mum got called when I lost track of time in the late 90's and was 30 minutes late for my college lessons.

And common sense how we're they to know which was going to get through to you. They probably tried every one on turn when you didn't reply or answer any of them.

Not only do schools have a legal responsibility they have a duty of care.

Pipbin · 29/11/2015 23:05

A boyfriend! she is TEN!

And young impressionable girls are exactly the sort that some horrible people like. Holly Wells and Jessica Chapmen were only ten. They weren't abducted as such, they went of their own accord.

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:06

I would be absolutely furious if my child's secondary took weeks to contact me about unauthorised absences. How can a parent possibly deal with a truanting problem if the school doesn't let them know their child hasn't arrived?

ihateminecraft · 29/11/2015 23:06

YABVU. They were doing their job, extremely efficiently by all accounts.

Original poster

Brioche201 · 29/11/2015 23:08

No the letters are for times they are there but say in a music lesson when registration is on.Or the school bus is late, or in timid DD2s case speaks too quietly for the teacher to hear!!
Interestingly i can never be bothered to send the letters back, but they are never marked with any unauthorised absences.

OP posts:

squiggleirl1 · 29/11/2015 23:08

I wish my kid's school would contact us OP.

My child was sick and off school one day. I told DH I'd contact them while he stayed home with DS. With dropping the other DCs to childcare, and getting to work, and being pulled into meetings as soon as I got to my desk, I forgot all about ringing the school. It was 12 before I got out of meetings, and remembered. I immediately rang the school, apologised profusely, and it was only then I learned if my child was not in school, no one would contact us.

The only expectation in my children's school is that we will send in a note when they return to school. Parents will not be contacted if children are absent from school.

I would quite happily handle text messages and e-mails if it meant I could be sure if my child left school after me dropping them there, or never made it to their classroom, I would be told.

UnGoogleable · 29/11/2015 23:09

OP clearly has far more important emails to be getting on with at work than to be bothered with an annoying one ascertaining something as insignificant as her child's safety.

OP, you're also unreasonable to expect an 11 year old to be responsible for relaying the news of your child's safety to her teachers. I'ts Not her job. It's your job.

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 23:11

OP, I notice you are answering every question but the ones about whether you would object to what the school did if your child had been missing. Can we take it you accept that it was appropriate for them to try to make contact quickly and by every means possible?

Kr1stina · 29/11/2015 23:13

I would imagine that most parents know this because they have read the school handbook or website . Haven't you ?

Or because the school have mistakenly called them when the child had an authorised absence .

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