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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hi maybe i am aibu or i need to vent dp rant

203 replies

creamponies · 09/11/2015 15:04

hi just joined today,
been with my dp for 4 years, i do love him but he is a bit twisted. can be quite cold, doesn't really express but he does love me in his own way ish. we have no kids but there are issues in are end.
so my rant is i love holidays yes cant afford them but will scrape any money for it .
oh i love the freedom and seeing new or old places. anyway not by the want of trying i love him to either to "whisk" me away or either go half's or whatevers so in 4 years i have brought him twice. and we had a nice time he had a couple of exs before me and they were usually either dumped him after the holidays or him to them (sick i know).

he always had a decent excuse of why he cant go or book for the last 6 months i couldn't really take time off as i started a course or when he was sick and i supported him he owned me a weekend away at least. we had the conversation we have to do this or that or go here or there and his responses is we will. Well i introduced a timeline i wanted to go away on the bank hoilday weekend in august. and he said he was "looking" for a holiday break i wanted him to book me a place as he be moany and i don't want to go to b and bs either.

the date came and passed said everything is booked out blah blah i forgave him but expressed you have bank holiday weekend in October the week before he said he couldn't do that week as he work things but the week after would be Halloween and you to the weekend away. I said yes of course anything it would have been great us out on halloween together. We dont live together and we rarely have intimacy time together . and i have refused to have it in my house as it was always in my house.

so i kept asking him have you booked it yet? he said to me im still looking. so i said well you want to hurry up and he mentioned about this place and i said yeah i go there where is the hotel? he told it was a b and b and i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs. well at half 3 on friday he told me that he didnt book it and it was all my fault. as he dont do hoildays and i had loads. i said yes but not with my dp im sick of going with my friends i wanted to go with you.
he siad im saving up for a house? im like a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away we havent spoken that weekend spend Halloween on my own. On Monday he rang me and siad i take you away for new year and i said no either you book something for this week or the next but i wont be hanging out with you unless you book a weekend away in the next week or 2. his best offer was a few weeks after Christmas and im like no because you come up with a different excuse by then since then we havent spoken to each other he hasn't even text hello i dont know im running out of patience. how can he be so cold and im like the bad wolf that all i wanted was for him to take me away as i paid for the last holiday

OP posts:
00100001 · 09/11/2015 15:09

^"i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs."

Wait, so he booked a holiday which you had been pestering him for, leaving everything to him. He then does it, and then you say you "dont do b and bs" Confused

You sound like hard work. He sounds like hard work.

Why are you together??? Confused

Plus. It's really hard to read what you're saying.

AlwaysHope1 · 09/11/2015 15:10

Have some self respect and stop begging for a holiday like this. You both sounds incompatible either way.

ImperialBlether · 09/11/2015 15:12

I didn't understand much of that.

You like holidays and he won't pay for them because he's saving for a house? And then he did book one and it was a B&B but that wasn't good enough? And you won't have sex in your own house?

Was that the gist of it?

19lottie82 · 09/11/2015 15:13

So the crunch is he doesn't like holidays, or at least spending money on them and you do? I don't think you can force him to do something he doesn't want to?

But to go on about "spending Halloween together"? Is this a big deal? It doesn't seem like an important occasion unless you're under 18!

TBH he doesn't sound that keen on spending time with you in general..... Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. And you don't paint him in a great light? Do you really want to be with him long term?

NickiFury · 09/11/2015 15:13

I wouldn't take you away either.

"I don't do BnB's. Do tell why not?

MrsCorbyn · 09/11/2015 15:13

Christ on a bike. Stop demanding a holiday from a man with other priorities. How old are you?

Arkkorox · 09/11/2015 15:14

YABU....

OTheHugeManatee · 09/11/2015 15:14

You don't sound very compatible.

And what's wrong with B&Bs? Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/11/2015 15:15

Sounds like Bridget Jones with the weird obsession with mini-breaks.

DH doesn't like to go to the sort of places I like (obscure and roughing it) so he doesn't. Works perfectly well. As long as you don't have odd rules for your relationship.

How many holidays a year do you need?

QforCucumber · 09/11/2015 15:15

he siad im saving up for a house? im like a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away

so you refuse to move in with a man who has his own financial priorities?
Just because YOU want a holiday you have decided he must too?
Christ, in 5 years together I've been away with DP twice, then we started saving for a house - together.
Why is a holiday the be all and end all for you?
And why do you refuse to stay in a bed and breakfast?

AnythingThatWorks · 09/11/2015 15:16

YABU and I think you would probably be better off out of this relationship.

He "does love me in his own way ish" - that is not a great basis for a life together and DEFINITELY not if you want children.

QforCucumber · 09/11/2015 15:16

Also,

i do love him but he is a bit twisted

really???

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 15:16

You sound incompatible.

He was going to book something and you said you don't do b&bs. He has told you he doesn't want to go away.

If it's not ok for him to not want to go away, then it's not ok for you to say no to a b&b.

Neither is wrong, with your stances on holidays.

Although the trying to cajole and blackmail him into doing something he doesn't want to is quite wrong.

pinkyredrose · 09/11/2015 15:22

I don't know what the hell you're on about.

Keeptrudging · 09/11/2015 15:22

You're not compatible.

WeirdCatLadyIsFeelingFestive · 09/11/2015 15:23

If this is how you communicate with him I'm not surprised he doesn't want to go away with you. I don't really understand your post. You want to go away but don't want to go to a b&b? Why on earth not? You sound very immature.

wasonthelist · 09/11/2015 15:23

we have no kids but there are issues in are end.

Read that several times, still no clue what it might mean. I know it doesn't really matter, but I am curious now.

Trayofcakes · 09/11/2015 15:23

Sounds like you're both incompatible, I'm struggling to see what either of you get from your relationship?

If you won't live with a man who won't take you away then maybe it's time to call time on this one.

PotteringAlong · 09/11/2015 15:27

Just split up. It will make both your lives cheaper I feel.

gamerchick · 09/11/2015 15:29

I think are gets subbed for our, well it does on a lot of face books.

OP you are not compatable, personally I think he'll be ending it with you soon enough.

Youarentkiddingme · 09/11/2015 15:29

And I was like, and he was like.

Ready that was like listening to my 11yo ds relaying a conversation!

Incidentally your relationship sounds very immature. You 'owe' each other weekends, you refuse to have him at yours as it's always at yours, it has to be to your timescale or else. It's very tit formtat and I can't work out why you are together?

Original poster
creamponies · 09/11/2015 15:31

ok i have to clarify on here. we never have sex anymore only in my house and then i stopped it. as it was always my house.
he didnt actually book and b and b but he knew i dont like them as i had bad experiences once a noisy landlady kept wanted a "chat" with me as she was "lonely" and i said never again. i found really good special offers for like 99 eurs for a 2 nite break and of course i would have paid for dinner.
as him moving out is an excuse he lives with his mammy and he is in his 40s. as for kids i have issues and so has he so it would be hard but doable. but hard all the same

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 09/11/2015 15:31

I have to admit, I couldn't follow that stream of consciousness either.

Sorry OP, could you try again now you have vented and splurged it all out?

catfordbetty · 09/11/2015 15:33

Have you considered going your own separate ways? From what I can understand here, neither of you seem very happy or fulfilled in this relationship. A holiday (of any kind) is unlikely to improve things.

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 15:34

ok i have to clarify on here. we never have sex anymore only in my house and then i stopped it. as it was always my house.

Clarify what? I don't think anyone asked about your sex life.

Op you are obviously unhappy in this relationship so end it.

Slagging him off for living at home......when you have chose to date him for the last 4 years, while he lived with 'mommy' is a actually very nasty.

Besides which he is saving to move out is he not?