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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hi maybe i am aibu or i need to vent dp rant

203 replies

creamponies · 09/11/2015 15:04

hi just joined today,
been with my dp for 4 years, i do love him but he is a bit twisted. can be quite cold, doesn't really express but he does love me in his own way ish. we have no kids but there are issues in are end.
so my rant is i love holidays yes cant afford them but will scrape any money for it .
oh i love the freedom and seeing new or old places. anyway not by the want of trying i love him to either to "whisk" me away or either go half's or whatevers so in 4 years i have brought him twice. and we had a nice time he had a couple of exs before me and they were usually either dumped him after the holidays or him to them (sick i know).

he always had a decent excuse of why he cant go or book for the last 6 months i couldn't really take time off as i started a course or when he was sick and i supported him he owned me a weekend away at least. we had the conversation we have to do this or that or go here or there and his responses is we will. Well i introduced a timeline i wanted to go away on the bank hoilday weekend in august. and he said he was "looking" for a holiday break i wanted him to book me a place as he be moany and i don't want to go to b and bs either.

the date came and passed said everything is booked out blah blah i forgave him but expressed you have bank holiday weekend in October the week before he said he couldn't do that week as he work things but the week after would be Halloween and you to the weekend away. I said yes of course anything it would have been great us out on halloween together. We dont live together and we rarely have intimacy time together . and i have refused to have it in my house as it was always in my house.

so i kept asking him have you booked it yet? he said to me im still looking. so i said well you want to hurry up and he mentioned about this place and i said yeah i go there where is the hotel? he told it was a b and b and i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs. well at half 3 on friday he told me that he didnt book it and it was all my fault. as he dont do hoildays and i had loads. i said yes but not with my dp im sick of going with my friends i wanted to go with you.
he siad im saving up for a house? im like a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away we havent spoken that weekend spend Halloween on my own. On Monday he rang me and siad i take you away for new year and i said no either you book something for this week or the next but i wont be hanging out with you unless you book a weekend away in the next week or 2. his best offer was a few weeks after Christmas and im like no because you come up with a different excuse by then since then we havent spoken to each other he hasn't even text hello i dont know im running out of patience. how can he be so cold and im like the bad wolf that all i wanted was for him to take me away as i paid for the last holiday

OP posts:
SunshineAndShadows · 09/11/2015 15:57

At the risk of sounding like a pendantic cowbag - this is why some of us are a bit Hmm about grammar and spelling issues. It might not be the point of the post, but its bloody hard to communicate if someone writes how they speak (I appreciate this is a fairly extreme case).

Of course we all make the odd spelling/grammar mistake, but a massive post with basically no punctuation is really difficult to read and it seems we're all struggling a bit.

OP if I've got the gist right, you're in a relationship where you don't live together, have no financial ties, no sex and you are miserable.

Just walk away

PiperChapstick · 09/11/2015 15:59

Oh people lay off the OP for her bad spelling and grammar, it's not everyone's forte!

OP how old are you? YABU and expecting too much of him. Why can't you book a holiday? I think it's wise he's saving for a house and that few hundred quid goes a long way when saving up for it all. I don't think you sound well suited.

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/11/2015 15:59

Can I introduce you to my old friend, The Capital Letter.

QforCucumber · 09/11/2015 15:59

he has it too cozy with his mother

but you live with your mother too? and rather than save for a house you would prefer holidays.
So surely he could say the same about you??

OP how old are you? this seems to be the main question which you're avoiding answering.

scatterthenuns · 09/11/2015 15:59

I'm so confused, but also really entertained.

PiperChapstick · 09/11/2015 16:00

Also no sex since June? No wonder he wants his own place!

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:01

I'm just here for the comments now...

hi maybe i am aibu or i need to vent dp rant
laffymeal · 09/11/2015 16:01

Lol sunshine, I just wrote "pendantic" on another thread.

Gruntfuttock · 09/11/2015 16:02

I wonder why you're with someone who's "a bit twisted". Twisted in what way exactly (no, I don't mean clockwise or anti-clockwise)?

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:03

piper We can't really understand what OP is saying though.

SunshineAndShadows · 09/11/2015 16:03

See - totally fallible! but my meaning was I hope vaguely clear! Blush

Sorry OP I don't mean to be critical but it is really hard to understand what you're saying properly

DawnOfTheDoggers · 09/11/2015 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/11/2015 16:05

I am soooooooooo confused.

wasonthelist · 09/11/2015 16:05

Is it wrong of me to be quite impressed that a man in his forties can still manoeuvre himself in a car without putting his back out?

Not at all, but maybe that led to the 6 months in hospital?

Keeptrudging · 09/11/2015 16:06

This creeping around in cars/not going away together/incompatibility/possible big age difference (OP sounds quite young) makes me wonder if the 'partner' is possibly not a free man.

Regardless, you have no ties to this man, it all sounds grim. I would cut your losses and hope you can move on and meet someone more emotionally and physically available, who enjoys the same things as you.

FaFoutis · 09/11/2015 16:06

I agree with you about B&Bs.

Nabootique · 09/11/2015 16:07

Is rosepettal back?

OurBlanche · 09/11/2015 16:08

It may also be why he is a bit twisted Smile

Piper it really isn't about grammar here, it is more about some of us really having no idea what the OP is trying to convey. I think we have the gist of it now, but, even now, I am not 100% certain.

QforCucumber · 09/11/2015 16:09

I will try to clarify....

been with my dp for 4 years, i do love him but he is a bit twisted. can be quite cold, doesn't really express but he does love me in his own way ish. we have no kids but there are issues in our end.
so my rant is - i love holidays, yes I can't afford them but I will scrape any money for it .
i love the freedom and seeing new or old places.
anyway not by the want of trying, i'd love him to either to "whisk" me away or either go half's or whatevers. In 4 years i have taken him on holiday twice, we had a nice time. he had a couple of exs before me and they usually either dumped him after a holiday, or him to them (sick i know).

he always has a decent excuse of why he cant go or book.
For the last 6 months i couldn't really take time off as i started a course, or when he was sick and i supported him, for this he owed me a weekend away at least.
we had the conversation 'we will have to do this or that or go here or there' and his responses is we will.
Well, i introduced a timeline - i wanted to go away on the bank hoilday weekend in august. He said he was "looking" for a holiday break, i wanted him to book something and i don't want to go to b and bs either.

the date came and passed, he said everything is booked out. i forgave him but said 'you have bank holiday weekend in October'
The week before he said he couldn't do October bank holiday as he is working but the week after would be Halloween and would you like to have the weekend away.
I said yes of course anything it would have been great, us out on halloween together.
We don't live together and we rarely have intimacy time together, I have refused to have it in my house as it was always in my house.

i kept asking him have you booked it yet?
he said to me i'm still looking, so i said well you want to hurry up and he mentioned about this place and i said yeah i go there where is the hotel?
he told it was a b and b and i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs.

well at half 3 on friday he told me that he didnt book it and it was all my fault as he don't do hoildays and i had already been on loads.
I said yes but not with my dp im sick of going with my friends I wanted to go with you.
he said i'm saving up for a house? im like 'a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away'

we haven't spoken since that weekend, I spent Halloween on my own.
On Monday he rang me and said 'i will take you away for new year' and i said 'no either you book something for this week or the next but i wont be hanging out with you unless you book a weekend away in the next week or 2'.

His best offer was a few weeks after Christmas and im like no because you will come up with a different excuse by then.
Since then we haven't spoken to each other he hasn't even text hello, i don't know, i'm running out of patience. how can he be so cold? and i'm like the bad wolf because all i wanted was for him to take me away as i paid for the last holiday.

FairNotFair · 09/11/2015 16:09

Nabootique that's what I was thinking!

hedgehogsdontbite · 09/11/2015 16:10

It sounds like you're after grand gestures and he's not the type. Lets face it, if you have to badger someone into 'whisking you away' it's hardly going to be the romantic dream you're hoping for is it.

00100001 · 09/11/2015 16:11

If it helps OP, My DH has never taken me away on holiday, booked anything spontaneous or "whisked" me even so much as an omelette Grin

OK, that last bit was lie, he makes mean omelette.

RhiWrites · 09/11/2015 16:12

Am I right that you've paid to take him away twice and he's never paid?

ciele · 09/11/2015 16:14

Thanks for the translation. OP you sound very silly and would benefit from attending literacy classes. Your DP sounds like a mummy's boy and he is trying to get rid of you.

OurBlanche · 09/11/2015 16:15

Was that supposed to be helpful Q? Grin

I just got drowned in all the double negatives and non sequiturs again.

I am left with the conviction that OP won't be hanging with her man for a while and that she maybe better off cutting her losses and looking for a younger, more interested model.