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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

hi maybe i am aibu or i need to vent dp rant

203 replies

creamponies · 09/11/2015 15:04

hi just joined today,
been with my dp for 4 years, i do love him but he is a bit twisted. can be quite cold, doesn't really express but he does love me in his own way ish. we have no kids but there are issues in are end.
so my rant is i love holidays yes cant afford them but will scrape any money for it .
oh i love the freedom and seeing new or old places. anyway not by the want of trying i love him to either to "whisk" me away or either go half's or whatevers so in 4 years i have brought him twice. and we had a nice time he had a couple of exs before me and they were usually either dumped him after the holidays or him to them (sick i know).

he always had a decent excuse of why he cant go or book for the last 6 months i couldn't really take time off as i started a course or when he was sick and i supported him he owned me a weekend away at least. we had the conversation we have to do this or that or go here or there and his responses is we will. Well i introduced a timeline i wanted to go away on the bank hoilday weekend in august. and he said he was "looking" for a holiday break i wanted him to book me a place as he be moany and i don't want to go to b and bs either.

the date came and passed said everything is booked out blah blah i forgave him but expressed you have bank holiday weekend in October the week before he said he couldn't do that week as he work things but the week after would be Halloween and you to the weekend away. I said yes of course anything it would have been great us out on halloween together. We dont live together and we rarely have intimacy time together . and i have refused to have it in my house as it was always in my house.

so i kept asking him have you booked it yet? he said to me im still looking. so i said well you want to hurry up and he mentioned about this place and i said yeah i go there where is the hotel? he told it was a b and b and i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs. well at half 3 on friday he told me that he didnt book it and it was all my fault. as he dont do hoildays and i had loads. i said yes but not with my dp im sick of going with my friends i wanted to go with you.
he siad im saving up for a house? im like a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away we havent spoken that weekend spend Halloween on my own. On Monday he rang me and siad i take you away for new year and i said no either you book something for this week or the next but i wont be hanging out with you unless you book a weekend away in the next week or 2. his best offer was a few weeks after Christmas and im like no because you come up with a different excuse by then since then we havent spoken to each other he hasn't even text hello i dont know im running out of patience. how can he be so cold and im like the bad wolf that all i wanted was for him to take me away as i paid for the last holiday

OP posts:
GloopyGhoul · 09/11/2015 17:41

I'm going to jump to conclusions and wonder if OP is visually impaired and using transcription software... No?

Nanny0gg · 09/11/2015 17:42

I stayed in a beautiful 4 star B&B in Devon once.

firesidechat · 09/11/2015 17:42

I know this is a side issue now, but a bedroom in a b and b is no more "someone's bedroom" than a hotel room is. Every one I've stayed in had rooms dedicated to guests. They didn't turf great aunt Maud into the garden shed so that I could stay there.

TheSnufflet · 09/11/2015 17:43

I am fascinated by all of this. Please continue.

By the way, you do realise that hotel rooms will have had (shudders) OTHER PEOPLE sleeping in them? Before you?? I don't get the aversion to B&Bs?

Fairenuff · 09/11/2015 17:44

To be fair you do sound like you are made for each other.

firesidechat · 09/11/2015 17:45

B and Bs do the best breakfasts in my experience.

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 17:45

just to clarify this he has never booked me the b and b. as he knew i would not stay there. i like the idea of just checking in and that it you can go as you please. The idea of staying in someone bedroom is like yuck. i have booked and paid for the holidays although we had a good time he didnt like the area that we stayed. So i said you can book it.

He didn't book because you told him you 'don't do b&bs'.

How is a room in a b&b different to a hotel?

A b&b may look like a house, but the room you are staying in is not a family members room. It's has had other paying guests in....like a hotel Confused

SoupDragon · 09/11/2015 17:46

omg never in my life reading forums. never in my whole life that a post from English to be translated into English

No post written in English was translated into English.

emotionsecho · 09/11/2015 17:47

Just give it up,OP, give it up.

Hoppinggreen · 09/11/2015 17:49

Thank God other people are as baffled as me - I thought I had lost the ability to read.

Anyway OP just LTB or whatever

sparklepopsicles · 09/11/2015 17:53

Brilliant post! Loving the replies. Agree with everyone - LTB. Also stayed in some very lovely b&bs much better than some hotels...

creamponies · 09/11/2015 17:54

i dont know anymore i do love himx but he can be so cold he had other relationships before me and he was my first so i have nothing else to base onx im just sad

OP posts:
StayWithMe · 09/11/2015 17:54

op are the issues you are talking about learning disabilities or anything else that may impact on how you express yourself?

That had occurred to me too. Confused

We should also keep in mind that some people have had a very limited education. Sorry OP but it sounds like the two of you are not well suited.

reni2 · 09/11/2015 17:59

So living with mum is ok in your 30s, but wrong in your 40s? Major gripes are no sex and no holiday? If you want sex, do it and fuck which house it is in, that's no biggie, the holiday- just write off the one you paid for and don't do it again, book your own.

Leave him if you don't love him, stay if you do. Don't see the importance of being taken away this WE or next or you dump him.

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 17:59

So this is all because you are jealous of your friend?

You can not force your boyfriend to want to go on holiday anymore than he can force you to like b&bs.

You are not suited and the sooner you realise this the better off you will be.

What does your mum think of the relationship?

ThirtyFivePounds · 09/11/2015 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

creamponies · 09/11/2015 18:04

i have no problems with him living with his mother. But im not allowed to stay over i dont even go there anymore as they werent very nice at all kept talking to me about his exs. i live at home with my mother and that is fine too but he wanted to have sex in my house all the time that was my problem i mean he just come over and thatx but i copped on after while why is my place. so i put a stop to that. im craving for intimacy

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 09/11/2015 18:06

Well if you won't have sex in your home, where will you? Is that why you keep wanting to go on holiday?

SoupDragon · 09/11/2015 18:07

If you won't go to his home, where are you expecting to have sex?

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 09/11/2015 18:09

So he has an accident, where he nearly dies a few times! You support him through this time, he spends 6 months in hospital and because you supported him, he now owes you a holiday?

emotionsecho · 09/11/2015 18:09

Relationships should make you happy, they should be a pairing of equals who respect one another, that's not what you have OP just end it.

hedgehogsdontbite · 09/11/2015 18:10

There's no point fighting to change him. You've been together quite a while now so you should know him quite well. Either accept him as he is or move on.

pinkyredrose · 09/11/2015 18:10

Why are you so obsessed with fucking holidays!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/11/2015 18:11

You are only willing to support someone, through an awful point in their life, if there is something in it for you?!

creamponies · 09/11/2015 18:12

we never at sex in his house we used to it in his car but he didnt like it so we did it my house all the time. and it made feel like shit as he never put any effort in. i just wanted us to have a nice time have a few drinks go for strolls, have a bath together. couple stuff. and no as he dont do them he has plenty of money but chooses not .

OP posts:
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