hi maybe i am aibu or i need to vent dp rant

[creamponies]

hi just joined today,
been with my dp for 4 years, i do love him but he is a bit twisted. can be quite cold, doesn't really express but he does love me in his own way ish. we have no kids but there are issues in are end.
so my rant is i love holidays yes cant afford them but will scrape any money for it .
oh i love the freedom and seeing new or old places. anyway not by the want of trying i love him to either to "whisk" me away or either go half's or whatevers so in 4 years i have brought him twice. and we had a nice time he had a couple of exs before me and they were usually either dumped him after the holidays or him to them (sick i know).

he always had a decent excuse of why he cant go or book for the last 6 months i couldn't really take time off as i started a course or when he was sick and i supported him he owned me a weekend away at least. we had the conversation we have to do this or that or go here or there and his responses is we will. Well i introduced a timeline i wanted to go away on the bank hoilday weekend in august. and he said he was "looking" for a holiday break i wanted him to book me a place as he be moany and i don't want to go to b and bs either.

the date came and passed said everything is booked out blah blah i forgave him but expressed you have bank holiday weekend in October the week before he said he couldn't do that week as he work things but the week after would be Halloween and you to the weekend away. I said yes of course anything it would have been great us out on halloween together. We dont live together and we rarely have intimacy time together . and i have refused to have it in my house as it was always in my house.

so i kept asking him have you booked it yet? he said to me im still looking. so i said well you want to hurry up and he mentioned about this place and i said yeah i go there where is the hotel? he told it was a b and b and i went to him sorry i dont do b and bs. well at half 3 on friday he told me that he didnt book it and it was all my fault. as he dont do hoildays and i had loads. i said yes but not with my dp im sick of going with my friends i wanted to go with you.
he siad im saving up for a house? im like a house for you but i wont be living with a man that wont or either take me away we havent spoken that weekend spend Halloween on my own. On Monday he rang me and siad i take you away for new year and i said no either you book something for this week or the next but i wont be hanging out with you unless you book a weekend away in the next week or 2. his best offer was a few weeks after Christmas and im like no because you come up with a different excuse by then since then we havent spoken to each other he hasn't even text hello i dont know im running out of patience. how can he be so cold and im like the bad wolf that all i wanted was for him to take me away as i paid for the last holiday

Hang on, you're craving intimacy yet stopped shagging in your house, Why the fuck does it matter where you shag?

Plus why don't the pair of you work and where's the money coming from for these holidays. Do you even have passports?

You love to spend your money on holidays away. Fair enough. He wants to save his money for a house. Also fair enough.

You like outwards displays of affection. OK, that's fine. He is not an overly-affectionate person. Also fine.

You both live with your parents. If your parents don't care, then fine for both of you.

His family (apparently) doesn't like you. That's a BIG problem in any relationship.

Ok I'm going to cut through the crap and tell you that he and you are incompatible and should break up. End of story.

Well it doesn't seem that you are getting anything out of this relationship, so why continue? What's the point?

Is that you,Sharon?

I do think you're overly romanticising things op -I can't think of anything worse than sharing a bath with my dp, 'couple stuff' as you put it isn't only limited to when you're on holiday?! Do you go for meals together? The cinema? Just a day out?

yes we have passports he has a job and im on a course.
because he made no effort in and i told him that. after pestering me one day i had enough of excuses. and i said to him no because my mother would be furious . and we dont do it in yours so why should we do in here. and he laughs he thought that was funny but it wasnt.
i just wanted him to care about me and spends some quality time with me away from his toxic mother

he was my first so i have nothing else to base onx im just sad

If you had got someone else to compare hinm with, you would realise that this relationshop is not going anywhere and neither of you are happy.

How often do you actually see each other? Wouldn't you rather have sex in your house all the time rather than not at all I know I would

So no holidays, no sex life, no joint house (but you would be expected to pay half the costs of said house) no intimacy & you keep on arguing.

Why are still with him?!

he doesnt do the cinema as he fall asleep
i only really see him saturday sunday and monday and he comes over half the day on sat or sun as his mother needs him. we do go to bingo on monday night as its my thing. he never brings me out to dinner only when he is in trouble

Perhaps if you got a job/did a college course you would meet new people and have less time on your hands to be worrying about this man who doesn't seem to make you happy.

OP, he hasn't booked a holiday even though you've seemingly made it plain that it's your one aim in life important to you.

You haven't had sex since June.

He wasn't very appreciative of all your visits in hospital.

After four years your relationship hasn't moved on at all.

Since your last disagreement about guess what? he hasn't contacted you at all.

He's 'cold and twisted'.

Right, I'm not a detective and I do not have a PhD. but I'm going to hazard a guess: he's dumped you or trying to. He just isn't that into you which is hard to accept. Try and have a little self respect and move on. If this was ever going to make you happy then it should have done by now. Planning to move in together should be exciting and joyful. Neither of you are either of these.

It's sad but look at the facts and accept it. If you force him to start up again you will only be facing a lot more misery.

Sorry. You do sound sad ( and a little immature. Try to work on some of your issues before meeting anyone else).

You would be happier apart, OP. I'm getting a feeling that you're in quite a vulnerable position and none of this is making you happy.

"and we dont do it in yours so why should we do in here"

Oh for goodness sake! This is ridiculous.

He's doesn't even sound like a boyfriend to be fair, more a mate and not a good one at that. No holidays/weekends away, no sex, only see each other at weekends (when his mum doesn't need him), that is no relationship.

You might feel sad now but you'll be a whole lot happier without him.

Oh also, sex in cars is cold & uncomfortable & you make farting noises when your skin pushes against the leather! Tis not romantic in the slightest, I'd rather do it outside!

OP Have you ever been in a relationship before? Because what you seem to want is the stuff of romantic movies. Not actual reality.

If its like this after 4 years do you really think things could change?

Just dump him OP and find someone else. This is going nowhere

I think OP said earlier that this is her first relationship...May well explain why she's got such a grand view of them and is persevering with a crappy one.

thanks iam doing a course at the moment. He my first relationship i suppose i am bit jealous other people are gotten together less time than us. are expecting children, engaged, holidays and its like us being around circles. around the time. and i just want to enjoy us being together and im sick of his excuses and his fake promises.

Well dump him then. As others have said, its been 4 yours now and it isn't going to get any better. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can get out and find a decent bloke who does want holidays and stuff with you.

Just end this relationship. It's not going to change.