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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kid with DVD player on train.... I asked to turn it down

224 replies

Dungandbother · 08/11/2015 20:47

Outs self
Been on a very busy child packed train to a popular European tourist attraction.
There was no row but I'm curious for a MN verdict

Family next to mine. One child about 10. He gets out a portable DVD player and starts watching a film LOUDLY as in I can hear the whole thing and my DS was next to me.

It was a 12 film, The Avengers. I inwardly tut at the loudness but DS carries on playing iPad (on silent) and I continue to read.

DS notices film and leans towards it, he can hear it and it's interesting.

Film says SHIT and I quietly ask Dad to turn it down for the swearing. Mum herself turns it down and kid has a meltdown. He actually punched his DVD player. Mum removes film and all hell breaks loose.

Then mum tells me he has SN and I said sorry to have caused upset but I was bothered by the swearing for DS who is young (5).

She practically yelled at me well my son is little too.

Son calms down 15 mins later on being given a donut, a new film etc. He was actually pretty angelic for the rest of the journey.

I do feel the mum blamed me for the meltdown. Unjustifiable so.

Why didn't he have headphones Confused

I wasn't being U was I?

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 21:48

Toads my ds (asd) also cannot stand noise. I am trying to teach him to tolerate the needs of others. Ironic, ain't it.

somepeopledontknowthat · 08/11/2015 21:49

This is a weirdly parallel conversation to one I was having with my best friend as my God Daughter has SN and sensory issues are part and parcel of that. She was REALLY upset on a bus the other week by the noise being made by other passengers.

I guess I'm thinking, well what if the OP's DS had SN that made him sensitive to the tinny racket of someone else's movie?

EeyoresTail · 08/11/2015 21:49

Who made you the thread police cunty? Hmm

cuntycowfacemonkey · 08/11/2015 21:49

This isn't really about raising awareness though is it the OP just wants validation that she's not a meany.

What you did on the train is fine OP you weren't to know. It's the crap your spouting here that I object too. The OP wasn't written in a bid to gain understanding or raise awareness so let's not pretend otherwise.

bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 21:50

waltermitty I've seen many posts on MN from people who seem to be genuinely asking for advice about how to deal with certain situations, friends with dc with sn etc. The threads from posters who really do seem to want to know and learn tend not to be on AIBU.

TheXxed · 08/11/2015 21:50

That your post was thoughtless illogical and self-centered. Thought that was obvious.

Original poster
Dungandbother · 08/11/2015 21:51

I'm sure there's lots of swearing on Public transport but this particular train and this particular place was rammed with small children. It was the only swear word to be heard in four days. From a film that my DS could hear was interesting to small boys.

Apparently 228,000 people were in Disney yesterday. Seems a miracle I didn't hear any swearing but all we saw were happy smiling children.

I digress.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dungandbother · 08/11/2015 21:51

I'm sure there's lots of swearing on Public transport but this particular train and this particular place was rammed with small children. It was the only swear word to be heard in four days. From a film that my DS could hear was interesting to small boys.

Apparently 228,000 people were in Disney yesterday. Seems a miracle I didn't hear any swearing but all we saw were happy smiling children.

I digress.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 21:51

x-posts with cuntycow who I agree with (again Grin)

BrendaandEddie · 08/11/2015 21:51

i do think your kid can man up to ' shit"

Waltermittythesequel · 08/11/2015 21:52

I genuinely haven't read anything like what other people are seeing in OP's posts and I think she's getting an unnecessarily hard time.

Witchend · 08/11/2015 21:54

I wouldn't have worried too much about the content, but the noise would have been difficult for ds to cope with. Loud constant house gradually ends him up and I'd have been trying to calm him down gradually getting more distressed.
However I would probably have just fumed Grin

I wouldn't have judged then for watching a film with that in though, as sometimes you forget that sort of thing and wince when you hear it remembering it was in (and you winced last time too)

cuntycowfacemonkey · 08/11/2015 21:55

she did

bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 21:57

To pretend the OP came on asking for advice about how to understand SN is totally disengenuous.

Original poster
Dungandbother · 08/11/2015 21:58

I'm glad mum said he has SN, it's not like I caused a scene. (Here aside)

I admit validation to me is probably why I posted. Thank you to those who understand where I'm coming from.

I have learnt something, I'm glad to hear from others that should I encounter the same again, how would I react

OP posts:
ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/11/2015 21:59

I am not sure what you mean bloom. I do respect the needs of others, often at the expense of myself. If something is distressing me then I will be the one to leave. I never expect others to deal with my problem.

However peoples needs do clash at times and when that happens, who decides whose needs are more important?

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/11/2015 22:02

I also have no idea what the OP's intentions are. However I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 22:03

Sorry toads I didn't mean the "ironic" comment for you.

I meant how ironic it is that I spend so much time teaching my autistic son to consider the needs of others when that is so much more difficult for him, while so many NT people find it so hard to do the same.

llhj · 08/11/2015 22:04

No it's not. Some people claim that their child has SN to explain poor behaviour all the time. They don't. Some people claim to be disabled to gain advantage. They're not. Some people pretend to be sick etc. Such is life. Not here on mumsnet granted where everyone is afraid to say any such thing happens. But it's true. Maybe that is the case here, maybe not. We don't know, the op doesn't know but it doesn't make my post illogical or self centred.

alltheworld · 08/11/2015 22:06

If you canT tolerate headphones either don't use electronic devices or put subtitles on.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/11/2015 22:07

Sorry I thought you were saying that I don't respect other people's needs Blush

Weepingbirch · 08/11/2015 22:09

Took 10+ different pairs of earphones (thank god for friends who lent theirs!) before we found one my son could tolerate so we had a period of time when he listened to DVDs / iPads with the volume up...

Hard one as without that we couldn't go anywhere (and he rarely left the house due to his anxiety) but that said I tried hard to instil that other people couldn't be disturbed... probably had a similar incident and been judged in a similar way but now I am at a place where my son tuts at others making too much noise with electronics (the irony) and wears headphones to block busy places out its so much easier and it can see how annoying it is for others...

However, family is on more of a journey than the train to Disneyland - good on them for even attempting it - I just couldn't. Mine bolted in a crowd at a local firework display last night - he was ok but it's hard.

Oh and my friend's son does exactly that too - he likes to play the same part of the Thomas the Tank theme tune over and over again - I prefer the word 'Shit' if I am honest Grin

Bumdance · 08/11/2015 22:10

I think op has had a rough ride here. She didn't know the child had sn when she asked for the volume to be turned down, how the fuck should she know?! What if her child had sn and the noise was distressing him?

I really hate the responses along the lines of 'I'm sure people would prefer x than a meltdown'. I'm quite sure they would but since there's no way of them knowing that those are the only options unless you tell them in advance I don't see how it's in any way a useful comment.

The sad fact is there's a lot of inconsiderate people out there who are nt, including people who think nothing of blaring games/music/films without headphones for no other reason than that they can. Yes, this wasn't the case here but op didn't know that in advance.

bialystockandbloom · 08/11/2015 22:14

Yes bumdance but the mum did tell the op her son had sn and the op still started this thread, full of judgement. She can't claim she didn't know.

littleducks · 08/11/2015 22:16

I feel sorry for the other mum, she turned the volume down when asked and dealt with the outcome (maybe mentioning the SN at this point was to explain the outburst).

I whoosh worry about it too much OP.

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