To not go to my cousin and cousin's wedding

[Refuse]

NC as I've posted quite a bit about this relationship over the years.

Two of my first cousins have organised a Christmas wedding and I refuse to attend it out of principle. There are millions, if not billions, of suitable partners for these two so why choose each other. We are all first cousins!

My parents, aunts and uncles and my siblings all intend to attend but I won't be moved. I know it probably won't make a little bit of difference to them (my cousins) but I can't go knowing full well how much I disapprove of their relationship.

My immediate family feel similar to me but will go regardless. They want me to attend and in truth there is nothing stopping me from going other than my dislike for their relationship. I know it's not unreasonable to not attend a wedding but I just had to get this out now that invites have come along.

Why would they want someone there who doesn't wish them well for their lives together?

It is an oddity. But a legal one. Were you all brought up to see each other every week? Then I could understand greater discomfort on your part.

Don't then. I wouldn't want you there if you had such strong feelings and your family shouldn't be pushing you in to something you really don't want to do.

Your cousins are BVU. Who the hell would invite someone so judgmental and ungracious to their wedding. Do them a favour and stay well away.

Well, it's up to you which social invites you accept.

It's also up to them what relationships they form. Relationships between first cousins aren't illegal.

Don't go then.

I would suspect that they couldn't give a crap about your dislike of their perfectly legal relationship and would have a better day without you looking down your nose at them.

It's not illegal.

I agree it's weird though, for the reasons you've stated. Their children will be siblings and their own second cousins. And they will only have one set of grandparents!

But, assuming their children don't go onto marry their own first cousins, the risks of congenital defects and illnesses isn't that high.

By all means don't go, though.

It's not illegal. Why do you feel you are in a position to judge them and find them wanting? Of course you should not go and suck the joy out of their day with your judgemental self-righteousness. I'm surprised you even have to ask!

But then I'm not fussed about what people choose to do in private and who they decide to marry so long as it's not illegal and they are happy.

You have a very unhalthy fixation with someone else's relationship if it's caused you to post quite a bit about it over the years.

Are you unwell?

It's an invitation not a summons so don't go. They are legally allowed to marry, and in previous centuries, first cousins marrying was a regular occurrence. That said, if they plan to have children, they might have a higher than normal chance for genetic abnormalities.

I went to school with a girl whose parents were cousins. Never remember it being an issue.

I would find it a bit odd in a kind 'oh' way. Then go tbh.

I couldn't find the fucks to give.

Yanbu to not go. It would be horrible for them, to have someone who disagrees with their decision so much and you aren't going to enjoy it. Best all round if you don't go

Surely any children will still have two sets of grandparents?!!

There are issues with first cousins intermarrying for generations. Often things like congenital deafness tend to crop up because of the lack of diversity in the gene pool.

But I still don't think that's a reason to take issue with people doing perfectly legal things.

Why would they want someone there who doesn't wish them well for their lives together?

Exactly this. Whether you agree or not they are doing nothing wrong, nothing illegal. Stay away from their wedding, you'll be doing them a favour.

Not sure why you've name changed either? If you have posted about their relationship in the past you need to realise it'll hardly take Hercule Poirot to figure out your aka.

driversurprise that is incorrect. Their children would have 2 sets of grandparents, not 1! They are cousins not siblings.

OP I agree it is weird, the thought of marrying my cousin just seems sooooo wrong, but each to their own and all that

And they will only have one set of grandparents!

They're cousins, not siblings! Each cousin has a mother and father. That is two sets of grandparents.

Sorry, my mistake. I was thinking about "cousin" being defined by having shared grandparents, and my mind ran away with it

Yep Margaret, the parents would have to be siblings for the children to have 1 set of grandparents! Children whose parents are cousins will have fewer great grandparents than children whose parents aren't related

Sorry x post with many people!

You do sound very fixated on this relationship, despite the fact that it is completely legal for them to marry (presuming you are in the UK).

What is it that concerns you so much? Perhaps we can help unpick your feelings. Is it worries about any future children they may have? That is a real concern of course, and it does "double" the risk of birth defects, but you are still talking very low figures (completely from memory it is something like from 3% to 6%). They can also have genetic counselling if there are particular genetic risks within the family. FWIW DH and I both have an incredibly rare, identical genetic mutation, and it's hard to believe that we have managed to meet and have a child, and both pass this on. The odds are millions, if not billions to one. So avoiding your cousins does not avoid genetically inherited problems.

I do think it's wise to decline the invite when you are so against their relationship. Perhaps looking into the reasons for your angst will help improve family relations long term?

lushaliciousbob My feelings exactly. Marrying one of my cousins would be akin to marrying my brother. It just feels weird and indeed wrong.

Just because something is legal doesn't make it acceptable.

You don't have to go if you don't want to go. It's an invitation, not a summons (although if you are that vocally disapproving they've probably only invited you for the fact they got the same pressure as you).

I have two cousins that I would never consider marrying. We know each other well and grew up together (I also have second or third cousins I wouldn't even consider because we were brought up close). However, I have cousins that I've never met. In that situation - two people meeting as adults, it would be utterly unreasonable to be so rude about it imo.

I wouldn't want you there either. My cousin is married to her first cousin on her other side. They didn't grow up together, he was in his late teens and moved abroad by the time she was born. They married 6 years ago and are happy as fuck.

For their sake don't go and spread your ridiculously prejudiced black cloud over their day. You could spend the time working out what the hell it has to do with you instead.

Just because something is legal doesn't make it acceptable.

Actually yes, yes it does. It is the very definition of acceptability!

And for the record they undertook extensive advice regarding children before they even started to date and not one of the professionals they spoke to saw any cause for concern.