To not go to my cousin and cousin's wedding

[Refuse]

NC as I've posted quite a bit about this relationship over the years.

Two of my first cousins have organised a Christmas wedding and I refuse to attend it out of principle. There are millions, if not billions, of suitable partners for these two so why choose each other. We are all first cousins!

My parents, aunts and uncles and my siblings all intend to attend but I won't be moved. I know it probably won't make a little bit of difference to them (my cousins) but I can't go knowing full well how much I disapprove of their relationship.

My immediate family feel similar to me but will go regardless. They want me to attend and in truth there is nothing stopping me from going other than my dislike for their relationship. I know it's not unreasonable to not attend a wedding but I just had to get this out now that invites have come along.

You've got a few weeks to sort your mind out and get over the 'ick' bit

she doesn't want to get over it -she wants her cousin to get over it and ditch him. Who cares if it makes her cousin miserable, OP will feel better so job done.

I'd hazard a wild guess that your DP thinks you are being OTT and unreasonable. He is probably also afaid of voicing his opinion, considering you have called your family traitors.
Poor person.

It is none of your business really- if you disapprove I think you should keep your mouth shut and just not go. No need to make a fuss about it or tell everyone why. If they want to get married and be together it is nothing to do with you.

Just graciously say no thank you to the invitation. 'Kind of you to ask but I am unable to attend'. No need to say more or make a stand. No one is bothered what you think.They will go ahead and others will celebrate with them.

The OPS DP has gone deaf with all the ranting and raving. He also knows better than to voice any opinion that does not echo that of the OP.

If I were him I would run for the hills.

OT but I had no idea that was legal!

There's envy and sexual jealousy from the OP screaming from this thread

Your DP doesn't agree with you and you know it. He's quite prepared to go to the wedding if you do.

Every time you post you make yourself look worse, why would you do that?

iminshock There's certainly more than a lost friendship going on here, even if the OP doesn't realise it herself.

Definitely jealousy.
But you do fancy a cousin....

*05/11/2015 15:49 Refuse

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes

You seem a bit jealous. Do you fancy one of them or something?

Yes. As it happens I do fancy one of my cousins! smile I just don't want her to ruin her life over a man she's known for a little while who also happens to be her first cousin. I can't be happy for them. I can't be happy for her. *

kali yes I recalled that post re the cousin fancying bit too...

I'm sort of wondering does OP in some strange way have a girl crush on her female cousin? It does seem a bit obsessed and would make sense with the not wanting her to marry the male cousin or anyone else for that matter even though OP is adamant that anyone else who is male would do

OP seems very entitled and control freakerish over this... And on some sort of moral high ground.

I remember that post, but thought it was a typo or a joke, because it didn't fit in with anything else the OP was saying.

kerbs maybe it was a typo or she fancies another cousin not anything to do with this couple.

Whatever it is she is way too invested with her female cousin even if she is best friends with her.

Kali, the op may be gay....

kali110 That post was made in jest. I was being sarcastic. I know it's difficult to convey nuance over a thread but I have never even for a second had any sort of romantic thoughts about my cousin. The irony of being accused of harbouring a secret crush on her whilst outraged at her relationship with our other cousin is not lost on me.

kerbs

Every time you post you make yourself look worse, why would you do that?
I completely agree with this. I've taken quite a bashing on this thread but it has helped me a to face some of my prejudices. For that reason I thank those who posted measured and reasonable responses. I'm not poisonous, jealous, controlling or any other things I've been called. I think I'll just hide the thread. It was mentioned a few pages ago that it's just going round in circles.

OP you are deluding yourself if you think you aren't jealous or controlling. Poisonous maybe not.

I would worry about myself if I were so invested with my female cousin and her life choice re marriage. I could never see myself interfering to such an extent.

I have made the odd unwise choice to comment to a not very close friend re a quick pregnancy to a much younger man (she emigrated etc) - but after a while you realise that some stuff is better left unsaid.

I would actually worry if I were your DP in case this behaviour spilled into your relationship. It isn't normal despite what you say.

OP, is it really worth losing the friendship of your cousin over this? Is it totally impossible for you to accept their relationship and move on with your life?

You do seem very over invested in the decisions made by other people and I think recognising what you can and can't control would be very useful to you both in this situation and in the future.

Madrigal OP wants to hide the thread now I think she said as obviously the posts which seem helpful (I haven't actually put the boot in just said she needs help) she's ignored. She tends to like the ones which soothe her or make out her views are valid and correct.

I get the feeling that the 'critical' posts have been taken on board and then "oh no, not me, I'm not like THAT" has been imagined by OP so she can make it right and justify to herself in her own mind that her POV is the right one in all ways! She does seem quite blinkered.

Don't get me wrong, in the past I've been guilty of similar speaking my mind or unpopular views but not in this particular case, but this behaviour rarely wins you friends so any judgy or unpleasant views I do have which I can't or will not change I've either changed them or learned to live with them or shut my mouth! I do think OP comes across as being immature in this sense.

Control is also awful, I used to like being able to control people but often they don't want to be controlled or told what to do... So now I'm more measured.... I think yoga (detox yoga) and meditation has helped a hell of a lot there...

Wow, how did I not know that cousins could get married?

It is a bit yeuuuurch, given that I look so much like my cousins. They are family and if this was happening in my family I would be quite disturned. I wouldn't let it be known, or not go to the wedding but I certainly wouldn't think it was fine

"But this isn't like hoping two random people I care about will break up"

Well no, it isn't. In my head it is even worse. It is two people you say you care about. It is two people who you know well. And you want their relationship to break down. You want two people you care about to be hurt and upset.

"the relationship is wrong"

Legally it is not wrong.
In your opinion is it wrong. They do not believe that to be the case. And the law does not believe that to be the case.