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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't have sold the baby stuff I gave her?

156 replies

CallaLilli · 17/10/2015 15:45

SIL was pregnant last year so I gave her a stack of DD's clothes that she'd outgrown. As babies grow so fast it was all in good condition and only a few months old. DNiece was born earlier this year and I never saw her in any of the clothes I'd given so when I fell pregnant again I thought I'd ask DSIL if I could have the stuff back as DN has now grown out of it.

But she informs me that she has sold it all on eBay. I can hear you all saying I am BU as I gave it to her but it transpires that she sold it all on eBay soon after I gave it to her and bought other clothes with the money she made! The reason? She doesn't like putting DN in clothes that aren't made from natural fabrics or are dyed bright colours! Now if that were the case why did she accept them in the first place?

Im a bit flabbergasted tbh. I don't think I'd mind so much if she'd used them and then sold them but AIBU to think that if she didn't want the clothes she should've just said no when I offered them?

OP posts:
LadyMaryofDownt0n · 17/10/2015 15:47

YANBU that's bloody cheeky. Did you tell her you wanted them back though before you gave them to her?

Dieu · 17/10/2015 15:48

She's a cheeky bitch! YANBU.

brokenhearted55a · 17/10/2015 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Getyercoat · 17/10/2015 15:49

Taking them with the intention of selling them was shite of her.
YANBU.

wickedwaterwitch · 17/10/2015 15:50

I'm shocked, that's rude!

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 17/10/2015 15:52

If you didn't tell her that you wanted the clothes back then she has done nothing wrong.

I wouldn't have accepted the clothes in the first place, though, if I knew I would never dress my dc in them.

EponasWildDaughter · 17/10/2015 15:54

YANBU. That's a bloody rude thing to do.

I cannot think of any thing to excuse this. She obviously accepted the clothes with the intention of selling them straight on.

Is this SIL your brothers wife, or your husbands sister?

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 17/10/2015 15:54

It's a vulgar and cheap thing todo, but still yabu. If you gave her the clothes, without any discussion of giving them back at any time, they were hers to do what she wanted with them. Which she did.

You don't give things away and then ask for them back.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/10/2015 15:56

If you didn't tell her that you wanted the clothes back then she has done nothing wrong

You seriously think there is nothing wrong with accepting something from a family member with the sole intention of selling it?

ohmyeyebettymartin · 17/10/2015 15:56

YANBU.

I gave (and continue to give) heaps of baby clothes to BIL and SIL, the only condition being that they pass them along eventually rather than putting them in the bin.

I also wouldn't mind if they could get money for them eventually, some bits are v nice and probably worth a bit.

However, if I found out that they only accepted them with the intention of selling them I'd be pretty shocked TBH. I think that's outside the spirit of this sort of agreement. I'm sure your ILs are perfectly within their rights but I think it's really grasping.

(My SIL makes a point of sending photos of DN in outfits from us when they look particularly cute
and presumably when the haze of exhaustion lifts enough for her to be able to remember where on earth specific items came from )

EponasWildDaughter · 17/10/2015 15:58

If someone still of child baring age themselves offered me baby clothes i would never sell them on without telling them that was what i had in mind and asking if that was ok. It's obvious that it would be nice to pass the clothes back again. To me anyway.

Original poster
CallaLilli · 17/10/2015 15:58

I didn't tell her I'd want the clothes back as I didn't think I'd be needing them again. Famous last words! I just asked her on the off chance that she still had them.

As I said in my OP, if she'd used them and then sold them then that's a different story but I think for her to have taken them knowing she'd be selling them on immediately is rather cheeky!

OP posts:
ohmyeyebettymartin · 17/10/2015 15:58

What she did is no different to if you had offered her a vacuum cleaner for example, and she had accepted it with no intention of using it but instead planned to sell it to buy something else.

Dieu · 17/10/2015 16:00

Oh and if I sold on some clothes that had previously belonged to someone else, I would offer to go halves with the money received. Mostly I just charity shopped things though, or gave them away.

Headofthehive55 · 17/10/2015 16:01

Ask her if she has any to pass onto you and then sell them. Take great delight in telling her what you have bought with the money. Gush what a great idea it was!

Topseyt · 17/10/2015 16:02

I think she was very rude. She should at least have checked whether or not you wanted them back and/or what you wanted her to do with them.

I was the first to have a baby out of my sister and I, though she was only a couple of years behind. We both used the baby clothes that I originally bought, and passed them back and forth as we each had subsequent babies. We each had three, and our youngest are both now 13. The baby clothes were charity shopped, by me as it happened, but not until both of us were definitely done with having babies.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 17/10/2015 16:04

It's not actually different though, when you think about it. What actual difference does it make to you if her child wore them and then she sold them, or didn't wear them and the she sold them? None.
We can choose what bothers us you know. This has no actual impact on you at all, so why choose to make a fuss about it?

HackerFucker22 · 17/10/2015 16:05

I'm going to go against the grain here and say if you "gave" the stuff to her then technically she could do what she wanted with it.

I loathe people lending me baby stuff (other than my Dsis - we share all our baby stuff) as I hate having to keep tabs on certain items etc.

My sil 'gave' me a load of baby clothes and when I asked if she was sure she didn't want them back she said something along the lines of 'well hang on to them in case anyone else needs them' - so they have remained in the box they came in. I don't have time to faff about with keeping stuff separate.... thay said it would never have crossed my mind to sell it and buy new stuff!!! Sil is def being cheeky but as I say technically she didn't expect to give the stuff back.

PuppyMonkey · 17/10/2015 16:07

Constance, are you the SIL?Grin

There's a difference. Really, there is.

PuppyMonkey · 17/10/2015 16:09

Hacker - couldn't you just say: "no thanks" then? Confused

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 17/10/2015 16:09

No.

There is no difference in impact to the OP, is the point. She gave clothes away, she never expected them back. She doesn't have them back. Whether the sil used them, sold them, or made a bonfire with them and danced around it, the impact on the OP is equal.

So if there is no effect either way on OP, why choose to give two shits what SIL did with the clothes?

NameChange30 · 17/10/2015 16:15

She should have declined politely, but you should have asked her to give them back just in case you needed them or wanted to pass them onto another family member.

unlucky83 · 17/10/2015 16:15

I couldn't sell anything I'd been given -it feels wrong. In fact I was given lots of baby stuff and make an effort to pass on stuff I've bought (not sell) because I have benefited from others kindness so feel I shouldn't sell anything.
(I do still have lots of baby stuff in my loft from DD2 (now 8) ...was given to me by a friend with an only and they were clearing out their loft ...but they asked me not to sell it - they wanted it back. Have mentioned it the odd time over the years and was grateful but do now feel like they might be taking the mickey just a bit using my attic for storage...)

PuppyMonkey · 17/10/2015 16:16

But the OP did a nice gesture. She wasn't expecting the clothes back and she wouldn't have minded the SIL selling them after the niece got some use out if theM. That would still have made OP feel nice.

SIL took them and flogged them without the niece ever seeing them, hence she feels a bit miffed.

Any clearer for you? Grin

Buglife · 17/10/2015 16:18

I was given loads of stuff by friends and I haven't sold them but I have given a lot to charity shops etc when DS no longer fitted them without asking them for permission. Do people really have room to store loads of clothes in various sizes for ages in the off chance the person who gave them had another baby in a few years? I passed them on as they were passed to me. If I were planning a second child I might have kept them and I'd assume anyone else would have.

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