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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't have sold the baby stuff I gave her?

156 replies

CallaLilli · 17/10/2015 15:45

SIL was pregnant last year so I gave her a stack of DD's clothes that she'd outgrown. As babies grow so fast it was all in good condition and only a few months old. DNiece was born earlier this year and I never saw her in any of the clothes I'd given so when I fell pregnant again I thought I'd ask DSIL if I could have the stuff back as DN has now grown out of it.

But she informs me that she has sold it all on eBay. I can hear you all saying I am BU as I gave it to her but it transpires that she sold it all on eBay soon after I gave it to her and bought other clothes with the money she made! The reason? She doesn't like putting DN in clothes that aren't made from natural fabrics or are dyed bright colours! Now if that were the case why did she accept them in the first place?

Im a bit flabbergasted tbh. I don't think I'd mind so much if she'd used them and then sold them but AIBU to think that if she didn't want the clothes she should've just said no when I offered them?

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2015 12:18

I have two local.ost offices with nearby parking or parking outside

unlike all the charity shops where it's all double yellows

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 19/10/2015 12:40

My widowed MIL offered her son his dad's bike. Had hardly been used so was in good condition etc. He was very pleased to accept and said he could sell it to get the money to put towards the bike he actually wanted. This understandably put MIL out a bit, but she didn't feel like she could say anything.

But he then said to MIL, "To save the hassle of picking the bike up, why don't you just sell it and give me the money?"

Thankfully at that point she said no.

Some people really do see things in such terms, as every gift having a monetary value.

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 14:00

'If it's brand new, still in packaging and unopened / still sealed - hand it in to a local collection for Christmas presents for children in care, etc'

Oh, yes, because all areas have tons of those accepting donations.

I agree with giles.

From the sounds of it, the OP did not make it clear that it was a loan and not a gift.

I have also not encountered anyone who loans stuff like this. I'd say no if loaned something because then I am responsible for looking after it. Fuck that.

LieselVonTwat · 19/10/2015 14:11

Sounds like she was being rude accepting stuff just to flog it, and you're taking the piss getting annoyed that you can't turn a present into a loan.

ballerinabelle · 19/10/2015 15:02

I see more charity shops about than I do post offices. Don't sell on clothes people give you. It's common decency....which some of you seem to lack.

SevenOfNineTrue · 19/10/2015 15:03

That's cold. I appreciate they are a gift but she should only have accepted them if she was going to use them. Selling them like that is out of order.

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 15:36

'Don't sell on clothes people give you. It's common decency....which some of you seem to lack.'

I don't, but I fail to see why others shouldn't. It's a gift. When I give someone a gift, they are free to do as they please with it. If it's a loan, that needs to be stated at the outset so the person is free to accept or decline it on that basis.

I would be quite pissed off if someone gave me something, not a loan, then asked for it back.

It was rude of the SIL to accept the clothes knowing she was only going to flog them, but equally rude for a gift giver to clock how the gift is used and then ask for it back. Who does that? WTF?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/10/2015 16:06

If she thought what she did was honest and decent why did she not say "ace,thank you I shall be busy this evening listing it all on eBay" ?

KinkyAfro · 19/10/2015 17:12

I had a hardly used Henry Hoover, I have some health issues and it was too heavy for me to use so I bought a light weight hoover. My brother was complaining a while back saying he needed a hoover but he was skint and couldn't afford one. Being the nice person I am, I decided to give the hoover to him. During a row between him and his girlfriend when they were at my house, she blurted out that he'd sold the hoover and bought Facebook credits to play poker.

I would never have given it to him if I'd known he'd sell it, I would have rather given it to charity to someone in need

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 17:54

'Thanks, but I only intend to dress her in natural fabrics/ non-bright colours, so you might want to keep them in case you have another girl, or pass them on to some one who will use them' would have been appropriate...

YANBU as she clearly knew they were not her style and would not use them! Why should she take them, knowing this and selling them on, when you could have sold them on yourself to buy more clothes for your children. Her behaviour is scabby to say the least.

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 17:56

expatinscotland: why is it rude of the OP to ask for the clothes back if she's expecting, presuming her niece had outgrown them? It's not unreasonable of the OP to assume her niece would flog the clothes on Ebay. Give me the OP before her scummy SIL any day!

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 17:58

not to assume

(after all, children's clothes aren't cheap and they grow out of them quickly).

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 18:13

'why is it rude of the OP to ask for the clothes back if she's expecting, presuming her niece had outgrown them? '

Because she gave them to her, not loaned them. So you're okay with anyone who gives you a gift asking for it back? For real?

Yes, the SIL should never have accepted the clothes, but the OP gave them to her. It was not a loan.

ballerinabelle · 19/10/2015 18:15

expat if you read the OP then you'll see that the op wasn't aware that the SIL had sold the clothes when she asked if she could have them back. I don't see anything wrong saying look "do you think I could use any of the clothes I gave you?" But To then have the reply of "no I sold them..." Come on....you'd be like wtf??

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 18:27

Expat, come on! It's clear the SIL had no business accepting the clothes if she had no intention of dressing her own child in them (which you agree with). To take them, knowing they were not to her taste and she was going to sell them on is piss poor, no?
Why accept a gift you know you have no intentions of using, knowing you are going to flog them?! SIL could have said 'thanks but they are not to my taste, it's very kind of you but someone else would probably appreciate them more than me (or, sell them yourself and make a few bob)!

In the OP's shoes I'd be mightily pissed off at a SIL who knowingly took clothes she knew would never use, then sold them on for a profit. I am not an Indian giver, eg if the SIL had said 'I had no idea you'd want them back and my little one had outgrown them so I gave them to charity or to a friend who'd just had a lite girl' I'd be absolutely fine with that but to sell them...? That's shitty behaviour.

Who accepts a gift they don't want, won't use and will sell? The OP was kind enough to give the clothes to her SIL and SIL pulled a fast one on her. This has nothing to do with whether the clothes were a gift or a loan, and everything to do with a grasping, conniving SIL who saw an opportunity to make a few quid. Her attitude stinks, the OP's doesn't and there's the difference.

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 18:32

'Expat, come on! It's clear the SIL had no business accepting the clothes if she had no intention of dressing her own child in them (which you agree with). To take them, knowing they were not to her taste and she was going to sell them on is piss poor, no?'

Well, yes, and I have written that several times on this thread. More than once. She was rude to accept those clothes.

And no, I wouldn't be like 'WTF?' because I do not ask for anything I give away back. If I give it away, I consider it gone.

Asking for something you gave away back is rude (so is the term 'Indian giver'. Wow).

ballerinabelle · 19/10/2015 18:36

Not as rude as making a profit on the back of someone's kindness!

To say look "im a bit hard up do you have anything left of the stuff I gave you that I'd be able to reuse again"

If my SIL said that to me id say of course you can! I wouldn't be bloody well selling it on!

StarTravels · 19/10/2015 18:37

Maybe the SIL didn't want to offend by refusing the clothes because she didn't like the material or colours?

You're unreasonable to expect to get them back, regardless of what she did with them.

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 18:39

Expat, Indian giver is a common term and there are no negative racial connotations attached. Have you never heard it before? You bring your own interpretation to it, says more about you than me.
You wouldn't ask for the clothes back if you believed your niece had outgrown the clothes, was finished with them, she probably still had them, and found out you were expecting another girl?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying, 'Those clothes I gave you for little Alice, if she's outgrown them and you haven't given hem to someone else who might benefit, can I have them back as I've just found out I'm having another girl'.
You're acting like the OP bought a gift for her SIL's child and then asked for it back so she could get a refund or something...

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2015 18:43

I expect they'd have been a thread started over the fact that they weren't "good enough" ( as not natural fabrics/dyes)

or that people are snobby fir wanting that expensive hippy crap and what's wrong with primark.

or the fact that when returned they were returned in a state.

I bet also they'd be a thread if it turned out they'd been given to a charity shop.

seems to me the only real acceptable thing I'd to keep them.pristine in the life fir duration of every family members childbearing years. you know, incase the GIFT was asked for back.

hey son and Daughter in law, you know the deposit we gave you fir your house well we'd like it back please.....

I hope my car doesn't get reclaimed...

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2015 18:43

in the loft

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 18:45

'Indian giver is a common term and there are no negative racial connotations attached. Have you never heard it before? You bring your own interpretation to it, says more about you than me.'

No, it's not a common term and there are negative racial connotations to it. This is not just 'my interpretation'. It's a fact. Yes, I've heard it before. We're all heard terms that are unacceptable. If you think using a term like that is fine, hey, that speaks volumes.

You are entitled to your opinion on what constitutes a gift. I am an entitled to mine. But please, continue to get personal and more and more insulting. Again, this says more about you than me.

Katedotness1963 · 19/10/2015 18:49

Once you gift something to someone it's theirs to do with as they wish. Keep it, sell it, gift it, donate it. It's theirs. Do you expect people to store things forever on the off chance you may want it back?

I donated a Moses basket when my eldest outgrew it. A few months later I saw it for sale for more than I paid for it. Maddening? Yes. But once I got rid of it/passed it on, it was nothing to do with me.

ShmooBooMoo · 19/10/2015 18:49

Giles, baby clothes tend to stay nice as tiny ones are in and out of them so quickly. Maybe the OP should have said, 'If I have another girl, if you still have them then and they're in fair condition, could I have the clothes back, seeing as your little one will have outgrown them by then just in case you're taking them with no intention of using them and plan on selling them?

OP could have sold them herself. Her goodness backfired on her, sadly.

StarTravels · 19/10/2015 18:51

This has worried me expatinscotland. I've never heard the term "Indian giver" before, but often say "Indian Summer". I thought that meant it was warmer later in the year, like india!! . Is that also racist??

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