To think SIL shouldn't have sold the baby stuff I gave her?

[CallaLilli]

SIL was pregnant last year so I gave her a stack of DD's clothes that she'd outgrown. As babies grow so fast it was all in good condition and only a few months old. DNiece was born earlier this year and I never saw her in any of the clothes I'd given so when I fell pregnant again I thought I'd ask DSIL if I could have the stuff back as DN has now grown out of it.

But she informs me that she has sold it all on eBay. I can hear you all saying I am BU as I gave it to her but it transpires that she sold it all on eBay soon after I gave it to her and bought other clothes with the money she made! The reason? She doesn't like putting DN in clothes that aren't made from natural fabrics or are dyed bright colours! Now if that were the case why did she accept them in the first place?

Im a bit flabbergasted tbh. I don't think I'd mind so much if she'd used them and then sold them but AIBU to think that if she didn't want the clothes she should've just said no when I offered them?

[MidnightRed]

Did you give them to her or lend them to her? If you were clear that they were loaned then you have every right to be extremely pissed off.

But if you gave them to her? I do think it was cheeky of her to take them with no intention of ever putting her own baby in them but at the same time, if you gave them away then YABU to expect them back. Would you have a problem if she'd passed them to a charity shop or another friend or thrown them away because they were stained?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I hate it when people do things like that. I gave my mum's friend's daughter a lot of good quality stuff when she had her second child. Both of us were young mothers. Turns out she picked out all the really good stuff, sold it on eBay and used the money for going on nights out. Her mum was mortified and I was so angry. I could have sold the stuff but tried to be kind to another young mother. Cheeky mare.

[MidnightRed]

I have a friend that I pass old kids clothes on to. Most are in very good condition and were quite expensive new. I wouldn't mind if she sold them on eBay. I gave them to her so they are hers to do with as she pleases.

[AlfAlf]

Yanbu. I think it's ungrateful of her apart from anything else. If you don't like something and aren't going to use it, don't take it in the first place, surely?
Hasn't she offered to pass on any of her other baby stuff to you instead?

[ConstanceMarkYaBitch]

Puppy, I'm not confused, but you seem to be by my point. It's about choosing to be bothered by stuff that actually doesn't affect you. She gave stuff away. Its a clear post (twice), what confuses you exactly?

[PuppyMonkey]

Constance I'm not confused by your posts at all, I just don't agree with them and I'm trying to help you see it from another stance.

[EponasWildDaughter]

When i was pregnant my SIL gave me some of her maternity clothes. A couple of pieces still had the labels on and the others were barely worn.

Some bits i wore to death, but some of the brand new bits i offered back last year after DD was born, because i know SIL sells stuff on ebay sometimes. SIL said nooooo.

I wouldn't of dreamed of selling the bits without asking SIL if she wanted to try first.

To me that's the point. Yes, if there not going to be used then sell them. But surely if the original owner gave them in the spirit of thinking they would be used, then it's manners to say that they're not, and let the owner decide if they'd like to make some cash instead.

[tigermoll]

I can see why you're miffed, but how did the offer to pass the baby clothes on in the first place come up? Did your SIL ask, or did you offer? if the latter, she may have felt awkward saying " actually, I don't like the clothes you dressed your baby in/ artificial fibres aren't good enough for my pfb " and just accepted them to be polite. Since you didn't want them back (at the time) she may have sold them rather than keep something neither of you wanted.

[mangocoveredlamb]

It's a bit cheeky.

I always make sure anything that is offered is being given, not lent as I can't keep track of things.

[nocabbageinmyeye]

If you didn't tell her that you wanted the clothes back then she has done nothing wrong.

We can choose what bothers us you know. This has no actual impact on you at all, so why choose to make a fuss about it?

BOLLOCKS BOLLOCKS BOLLOCKS only on mn would people say stuff like this ^

Why make a fuss about it?? Because she took them knowing she wouldn't use them, almost looking down on them as an item, not good enough for her dd but good enough to take and flog. Correct answer was "Thanks for the offer but I don't want to use man made fibers, why don't you sell them".

Your sil is a grabby mare, I couldn't not say it her, after I picked my jaw up off the floor. Did she even look embarrassed? Doubtful, someone that cheeky has no conscience

[ZenNudist]

Yab a bit U sorry. You'd have to make it clear that you want something back and even then it's a mistake to lend something and expect it back.

But SIBU to accept clothes she intends to sell. She could have asked if you'd mind as some people cba selling stuff and just want a family member or friend to get some kind of benefit out if things.

As she's been so cheap and grasping you'll know to never lend things to her again.

[EponasWildDaughter]

Yes, if she didn't want the things but felt too embarrassed to say no, then she could have waited a few weeks and then said to OP that she'd got so much stuff she was thinking of selling a few bits. Would OP like a share of the cash perhaps seeing half of it used to be hers!

[ballerinabelle]

constance your point falls apart on the basis that you've said OP didn't want them back. Obviously she did! She asked for them your sister in law is a money grabbing bitch OP and I'd not be long in telling her that.

[MackerelOfFact]

You gave them to someone with a child so that the child would get some use out of clothes that you lovingly chose and took good care of for your own DC.

If you'd just wanted to get rid of them to someone who could sell them on, you would've just given them to anyone with an eBay account! They wouldn't need to have any DCs whatsoever.

It sounds like she's wilfully misinterpreted your reasons for passing on the clothes. If they didn't suit her, it wouldn't have been difficult to tell you that unfortunately none of the clothes are suitable for her DC, did you want them back or could she 'pass them on'?

[Woobeedoo]

Last December I said a work colleague could use two snow suits for his little boy that no longer fitted my DS. I was pretty pissed off when several months later on Facebook they had a picture of a huge mound of clothes their child had outgrown with the heading "selling these on eBay later" and top of the pile were my two bloody snow suits. Damned ignorant of them and yes, I should have had the balls to have left them a comment but instead I just seethed on the sofa.

[ConstanceMarkYaBitch]

constance your point falls apart on the basis that you've said OP didn't want them back.

Well actually she says she didn't expect to need them, only asked on the off chance, and actually I said she didn;t expect them back, not that she didn't want them back.

I still say that there is no actual impact on OP.

[expatinscotland]

She should have declined. That was cheeky of her. On the other hand, if you are loaning something you should make that clear. It's shabby to give stuff to someone and then ask for it back, not matter what it is. If you ever want it back then you make it clear that it is being offered as a loan. When I give stuff to someone, I care not a jot what they do with it. It's a gift. But I'd never accept a pile of stuff as a gift and then immediately sell it on (or sell it on at all, tbh).

Only on MN have I seen all this loaning of stuff.

[LyndaNotLinda]

It's really rude to sell something that someone has give you.

Honestly, I should write a book of manners for the 21st century. So many people don't seem to have a clue how to behave decently.

[CallaLilli]

Hah, I doubt it bat, she was going on the other day about how she's making a fair bit selling her DD's clothes as they're all made from natural organic undyed materials and are in high demand among the middle classes. Presumably not like the synthetic crap that I'd bought!

[Huntersmum15]

So your SIL made a profit from your goodwill gesture? YANBU l, regardless if they were lent/given, after looking at the items she should have politely declined and said to you why not sell them yourself. She clearly took them knowing she was going to make herself some money.

Really bizarre and rude behaviour.

[noeffingidea]

Yes, SIL is in the wrong. She accepted the clothes under false pretences.
Obviously there's nothing you can do about it now, OP but I would never give her anything again.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

You thought you were doing a good deed, and she has snubbed your clothes choices as not being good enough for DN, but at the same time good enough to sell for a profit. Its disgraceful. I would never offer her anything again cheeky cow.

[YakTriangle]

I would have to ask her - since she accepted them knowing she wouldn't put them on her child and intended to sell them, whether she had considered, even for a moment, giving you some of the money she made selling the clothes? I'd want to know the answer in your position. She should feel ashamed. I doubt she does, because she sounds like a selfish devious prick, but she really should.

[ballerinabelle]

constance your manners are just as bad as OP's SIL