AIBU/WIBU to have complained to the school?

[DarkBlueEyes]

First post in here, takes deep breath...

DD1 returned from a school trip on Friday. We were told to pick up at 5pm unless got a text to say otherwise. Stood by my phone all afternoon and was waiting at the secondary school at 4.59pm. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Asked for help in the school, no idea. Tried to phone another mum, my phone didn't work, so I rebooted it and headed towards another building. Phone rings with DH on the other end to ask if I was ok - HE had got the text at 3.45 pm to say they'd be back at 4 (half hour journey for us so even if I'd got it, I'd have been late), evidently I was the only one who didn't get the text.

DD1 had been sitting at reception with her friend for over an hour and NO STAFF MEMBER had thought to ring me or DH (sorry for shouty caps). I accept there was a technical hitch with my phone but think the school should have tried to phone us. Eventually at about 5.10 DD1 asked if she could use the school phone and phoned me (went straight to VM) and DH who then phoned me right back, worried I'd been in an accident (I am almost never late).

As we walked back to the car all the texts started to ping into my phone. I'm not cross that the text didn't reach me, shit happens. I am cross that DD1 and friend were waiting for over an hour and no one thought to call DH. Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands as it usually goes straight through to voice mail... WTF. Had long and very awkward conversation with head of year this morning who would not accept she should have/could have called DH, that my daughter was safe and she had 73 children to sort blah blah blah.

WIBU to expect the school to have called a parent when the other parent hadn't turned up as expected? Or do I have to just suck it up?

She eventually conceded she could have called DH. No apology. If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on. Now I'm still stewing. If only people knew how powerful "I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you and your daughter" could be....

DBE

I reckon OP's got the message now.

I love the way you're cross because they didn't ring your dh because they didn't think it would do any good, when in fact if they had rung your dh it wouldn't have done any good...

YABVU.

She us YR7 fgs.

Perhaps you need to be annoyed with your DH for not passing on the info.

is

Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands

Ha ha. Ringing yours yesterday sort of backed up her point now, didn't it?!

Yabu

I do regular trips with girl guiding and although we always text the parents if we're going to be early, we wouldn't chase them up again til after the original return time, assuming they had plans and couldn't make the earlier time on short notice.

Yabu to complain that they didn't contact DH, they did!

DD waited til you were 10 minutes late before trying to contact you, also a normal thing to do

Also I would expect them to go through phoning all the emergency contacts given IN AN EMERGENCY. Which this was not.

I'm quite shocked at the number of people who think it was perfectly fine for the school to sit around effectively doing nothing. It's not good enough to say they'd sent the change of time out by text and that was all they needed to do: network failures do happen, and if both parents are on the same network they won't get the message.

Are you the OP, inimitablejeeves!?

^ but it doesn't really matter if neither of them had got the message, since the school knew they'd turn up at 5 anyway.

Exactly. Anything that the school did (which they did perfectly well btw) before 5pm was just a courtesy really.

Gosh.

Rollonthe summer: Ha ha. Ringing yours yesterday sort of backed up her point now, didn't it?!

Can I just point out that when my DH WAS called he phoned me within minutes? That he didn't just do nothing? So actually, his response completely disproved her theory actually....

That we were both sent the text but I didn't get it and he had no reason to assume I didn't get it?

And I was on pick up duty, not him.

I think this will be my first and last post here.

So, just about everyone on a thread of 137 posts thought you were being unreasonable, but you don't agree and are flouncing off!?

Nope. I think you'll find about half way through the thread I thanked people for their feedback and commented that I needed to toughen up.

So I have acknowledged I probably was being unreasonable many posts ago.

So perhaps the level of judgement and "that sort of parent" type comments might have been a bit OTT...

And of course it's always nice to be called arrogant by complete strangers :)

I hardly had a gun to her head...

I did thank her for calling me and I did say I appreciated it, and I did tell her that my daughter had loved the trip.

Anyway, you've all made it pretty clear that you think I'm the biggest twat ever so whatever I say from now on won't make you change your minds.

Has anyone said you are 'the biggest twat ever'?

You posted on a board called 'Am I being unreasonable' and the majority of people said you were. Yet now, you are complaining that you don't like what complete strangers are saying about you!

I shall retire from this thread. Perhaps you shouldn't post on forums such as 'AIBU' where there are complete strangers who might not agree with you.

I am quite happy for people to disagree with me and I have acknowledged that I was probably over-reacting in this case. I don't particularly like being called "arrogant" "one of those parents" etc etc and this is why I won't be posting on this area again as clearly I do not have thick enough skin to be able to just brush unkind and untrue comments like that off.

No one has said I'm the biggest twat ever but it's pretty clear that many posters were thinking along those lines.

you are right, I shouldn't post on forums such as this and I will take your advice: I won't be doing so again, clearly my self esteem is not up to it.

You live and learn.

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, yes the school tried to call but I can understand you must have been worried about DD.

I do however think you are being unreasonable expecting any kind of understanding and support on here with this load of nutjobs! Stick to your friends

No I don't think you are being unreasonable - I would be more concerned if you we were not worried about your daughter. It's difficult packing your eldest off to 'big school' - its a very emotional time and a huge learning curve for you and your child. I am going through the same myself at the moment and while I know it will get easier it is proving hard to let go. It's understandable that you were a bit panicky, I'd have been too if I hadn't have received the message and turned up to an empty school with no signs of anyone or my child at first glance x x x

If I did however, think you were being unreasonable then I would like to think that I would be able to communicate that to you without being a huge tit and brandishing my 'internet balls' (it is amazing the size that some people's internet balls can grow to when they are protected by a computer screen and armed with a keyboard). Take your claws from her back for goodness sake - can you not express yourselves with reverting back to the 'mean girls on the yard' mentality.

Why on earth should the OP have been worried? Her dd was due back at 5 and that's where she was at 5. The fact that she was early makes no difference.