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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU/WIBU to have complained to the school?

225 replies

DarkBlueEyes · 05/10/2015 14:51

First post in here, takes deep breath...

DD1 returned from a school trip on Friday. We were told to pick up at 5pm unless got a text to say otherwise. Stood by my phone all afternoon and was waiting at the secondary school at 4.59pm. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Asked for help in the school, no idea. Tried to phone another mum, my phone didn't work, so I rebooted it and headed towards another building. Phone rings with DH on the other end to ask if I was ok - HE had got the text at 3.45 pm to say they'd be back at 4 (half hour journey for us so even if I'd got it, I'd have been late), evidently I was the only one who didn't get the text.

DD1 had been sitting at reception with her friend for over an hour and NO STAFF MEMBER had thought to ring me or DH (sorry for shouty caps). I accept there was a technical hitch with my phone but think the school should have tried to phone us. Eventually at about 5.10 DD1 asked if she could use the school phone and phoned me (went straight to VM) and DH who then phoned me right back, worried I'd been in an accident (I am almost never late).

As we walked back to the car all the texts started to ping into my phone. I'm not cross that the text didn't reach me, shit happens. I am cross that DD1 and friend were waiting for over an hour and no one thought to call DH. Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands as it usually goes straight through to voice mail... WTF. Had long and very awkward conversation with head of year this morning who would not accept she should have/could have called DH, that my daughter was safe and she had 73 children to sort blah blah blah.

WIBU to expect the school to have called a parent when the other parent hadn't turned up as expected? Or do I have to just suck it up?

She eventually conceded she could have called DH. No apology. If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on. Now I'm still stewing. If only people knew how powerful "I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you and your daughter" could be....

DBE

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2015 17:41

That's true laughing it was your DH who made the assumption that the little woman was handling it

rollonthesummer · 05/10/2015 17:42

Why should the HOY say sorry to you because Vodafone cocked up??

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 05/10/2015 17:42

For me this falls into the slightly irritating but not a crisis category. Your daughter was safe and warm and dry and being supervised. You weren't actually put out yourself as you arrived and collected her within a few minutes.

I should think the school assumed you were still at work and couldn't get there for the earlier time. Had they hassled you by phone and you'd been busy then today's AIBU would no doubt have been "AIBU to think school should not hassle me because THEY returned from a trip an HOUR early" Grin

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2015 17:43

YABU the school did text you and your dh. It's not their fault that neither of your responded.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/10/2015 17:44

You should write them a harshly worded letter telling them that they should look after the phone network better and contact you daily to remind you that your phone crashes.

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 05/10/2015 17:51

Yes - can you imagine the AIBU if school kept ringing the OP or her DH up and asking where they were when the trip had got back early?

This, this, this!

nicestrongtea · 05/10/2015 18:04

You expect the school to send 73 plus texts and THEN phone 73 parents to see if they got the texts Confused

oh dear... < reality check needed>

Topseyt · 05/10/2015 18:28

Is there anything that schools don't get blamed for these days? In this case a blip on the Vodafone network.

OP, your phone was not contactable, as you have said yourself. But you remain annoyed that they didn't call you anyway and want to complain. They didn't need to. They were within the original pickup time still.

Your daughter was safe, dry and warm. They hadn't turned her out onto the streets in pouring rain or anything.

Also, no issue with a pair of secondary school girls waiting in reception for an hour with plenty of responsible adults still on site. They are expected to be much more resilient at secondary school age, and parents need to accept that. If you are still in primary school mode then you will need to check yourself and move on.

rollonthesummer · 05/10/2015 18:34

At least your name will now be very well-known in the staff room, OP. Well done.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 18:48

Exactly. The staff will probably roll their eyes collectively about you now and you'll have difficulties with getting real issues addressed in a spirit of cooperation.

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2015 18:50

If only the OP had posted over the weekend asking if she should complain to the school, instead of after wasting the HOY's time on a long phonecall.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/10/2015 18:54

shouldn't you be cross with your dh for not telling you rather than the school?

obviously at short notice there was a good chance that not all parents could make the earlier pick up time so they waited in reception. I don't get the issue Confused

they can hardly know the network is down and your the idiot who didn't think to go to reception therefore extending the waiting time.

popandboo · 05/10/2015 18:58

Love all the posters supporting the school in this case- just so reassuring as a teacher that most parents are completely on the same page. The trouble is, the other 72 parents will have skipped off happily with their kids without giving any grief. Then parent 73 will complain and ruin an otherwise successful trip because DH and the phone network didnt do their jobs.

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theycallmemellojello · 05/10/2015 19:16

YA SO BU! They sent a text to the number they had on a record, they didn't abandon the girl alone anywhere... Of course the school isn't going to call parents who are late to pick up their 11 year old kids from school! You and DH cocked up by not communicating. Don't pin this on the school.

gandalf456 · 05/10/2015 19:38

I think they could have called, too. If 72 kids had gone home, they didn't have 73 to look after: they had one. I hate that expression ' I have so many other kids etc, etc...' when they cock up. It's very poor

InimitableJeeves · 05/10/2015 19:42

I'm quite shocked at the number of people who think it was perfectly fine for the school to sit around effectively doing nothing. It's not good enough to say they'd sent the change of time out by text and that was all they needed to do: network failures do happen, and if both parents are on the same network they won't get the message. I also don't understand people saying the school did phone OP - I can't see anything that says that? It's pointless saying there was no point in calling OP's DH as he didn't turn up anyway - why would he when the arrangement was for OP to do it and he had no reason to believe she hadn't till her DD phoned him. Whereas if they had tried phoning OP's DH earlier he could have done something about it and saved his DD a lot of worry.

Everyone seems to think it was absolutely fine for the school just to assume OP would turn up at 5. But suppose she hadn't? Suppose she'd been in an accident? What were they going to do when it was time for the receptionist to leave? If they'd tried to make contact with someone earlier then OP's DH could have started the search party, could have got someone else to collect, could maybe have turned round and come back. As it was, by the time he was contacted he was an hour further away on his journey North and that was increasingly impractical.

As for: You expect the school to send 73 plus texts and THEN phone 73 parents to see if they got the texts confused: again, where does OP say that? What she reasonably asks is that they contact the parents who haven't turned up within a reasonable time of the revised pickup time.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 19:43

How did they "cock up"?

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2015 19:43

They didn't cock up. The OP didn't get a message because her phone was broken. The school acted entirely appropriately.

spanieleyes · 05/10/2015 19:44

They haven't "cocked up" at all! The trip was due back at 5, parents were texted to say they were back early but the school would expect that not every parent would be able to rearrange their schedule to pick up at the earlier time so would expect parents to trickle in any time between 4 and 5. They would not consider you were late unless you hadn't turned up by 5, at which time no doubt they would have phoned again to chase you up!

SaucyJack · 05/10/2015 19:45

" If they'd tried to make contact with someone earlier then OP's DH could have started the search party,"

Did you honestly just type that with a straight face?

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2015 19:46

The idea that schools need to be organising search parties for parents who don't turn up to pick their kid up on time. Grin

There are always parents late picking their kids up from trips. Always.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 19:47

Do you seriously think that the receptionist was the only member of staff there and responsible for ensuring all children left the premises appropriately?

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