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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU/WIBU to have complained to the school?

225 replies

DarkBlueEyes · 05/10/2015 14:51

First post in here, takes deep breath...

DD1 returned from a school trip on Friday. We were told to pick up at 5pm unless got a text to say otherwise. Stood by my phone all afternoon and was waiting at the secondary school at 4.59pm. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Asked for help in the school, no idea. Tried to phone another mum, my phone didn't work, so I rebooted it and headed towards another building. Phone rings with DH on the other end to ask if I was ok - HE had got the text at 3.45 pm to say they'd be back at 4 (half hour journey for us so even if I'd got it, I'd have been late), evidently I was the only one who didn't get the text.

DD1 had been sitting at reception with her friend for over an hour and NO STAFF MEMBER had thought to ring me or DH (sorry for shouty caps). I accept there was a technical hitch with my phone but think the school should have tried to phone us. Eventually at about 5.10 DD1 asked if she could use the school phone and phoned me (went straight to VM) and DH who then phoned me right back, worried I'd been in an accident (I am almost never late).

As we walked back to the car all the texts started to ping into my phone. I'm not cross that the text didn't reach me, shit happens. I am cross that DD1 and friend were waiting for over an hour and no one thought to call DH. Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands as it usually goes straight through to voice mail... WTF. Had long and very awkward conversation with head of year this morning who would not accept she should have/could have called DH, that my daughter was safe and she had 73 children to sort blah blah blah.

WIBU to expect the school to have called a parent when the other parent hadn't turned up as expected? Or do I have to just suck it up?

She eventually conceded she could have called DH. No apology. If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on. Now I'm still stewing. If only people knew how powerful "I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you and your daughter" could be....

DBE

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 05/10/2015 19:51

I'm. Sure of by 5.15 she wasn't there then the schopl would have acted.

but if the original time was 5 then there will be people who didn't get the message or couldn't make it fir earlier which is why they wouldn't worry till after 5

IguanaTail · 05/10/2015 19:57

Have I got this right? The school texted you. The school texted your husband. Your phone was not working. Your husband chose not to pass on the message. You bullied the head of year to apologise to you because she didn't then decide on top of the 2 texts, to also send some emails?

I'm struggling to understand how anyone would think that your behaviour was reasonable. You were in a panic but you shouldn't have taken it out on anyone. It's not the teacher's fault that your phone wasn't working. Perhaps don't sign your child up for trips if you can't manage.

Floggingmolly · 05/10/2015 20:02

Everyone seems to think it was absolutely fine for the school just to assume OP would turn up at 5. But suppose she didn't?
Why would they start faffing about deciding how to deal with a parent being late picking up their child before it actually happened??? They could have had a fully trained crack team ready to put the disaster plan into immediate action at 5.05pm; but op didn't see it happen because she wasn't late.

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 05/10/2015 20:13

"I can't take responsibility for the failure of the Vodafone network!"

But the school should?

Contacting parents to say that the trip had arrived back early was a courtesy, so that if people were available to collect early, they could. They left you two more messages than they were obliged to, and YAB incredibly U to have been ranting on to the staff about it in the way you report. Did you at any time in that meeting thank anyone for taking your dd out?

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 20:15

I doubt she uttered a word of Thanks clam

That sort of parent never does.

SirRodneyEffing · 05/10/2015 20:19

I was expecting the op to say that a primary aged child had been left alone on the street not that a secondary pupil waited an hour in the school reception, with a responsible adult. I really can't see it was worth the effort of berating the head of year for this. Yabu

Booyaka · 05/10/2015 20:23

The thing is, we could just as easily have someone on here complaining that the school trip was due back at 5pm but the school started hassling them to come at 4pm and the couldn't just drop everything at work to leave. I think it was perfectly reasonable for them not to start trying the OP until after the prearranged pick up time.

LyndaNotLinda · 05/10/2015 20:26

I want to know about the friend. Where were her parents?

Neddyteddy · 05/10/2015 20:34

An hour in reception is fine aged 11 or 12, particularly as the earliest you would have arrived was 4.15 and she's no longer primary school age. She wasn't alone anyway. Help would have been close at hand if they needed it. Also your DD needs to take some responsibility and could have easily asked to use the landline earlier if she had no mobile phone access.

Storm in a t cup

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2015 20:35

Sorry OP, whichever way you slice this one you're on TeamBU.

And except for her slip up about husbands which would be spot on in 99% of cases I know whether we like it or not the HOY deserves an apology really.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 20:42

It doesn't look as though the OP is coming back.

IguanaTail · 05/10/2015 20:51

No. I expect she thought that we would all say that she was quite right. Oh well.

OwenMeanysArmadillo · 05/10/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ontow · 05/10/2015 20:56

I have a daughter in the same year/school. I recognise you from previous posts. So far fairly disappointed although not for the same reasons. I agree the attitude of the HOY leaves something to be desired overall, I have spoken with her about other issues and haven't come away with a great impression. Hopefully things will improve, it is quite a change from junior.

BoGrainger · 05/10/2015 21:09

Grin at Saucy

Stampynono · 05/10/2015 21:39

They probably didn't call your DH as DD told them you were picking her up (if she knew)

No need to argue with anyone until they concede!

YABU

msgrinch · 05/10/2015 21:53

Of course yabu! Your issue us your dh and Vodafone nor the school. Don't be one of those parents. Your little snowflake can survive tucked up in reception for half an hour.

Ladymuck · 05/10/2015 22:01

I'm surprised that year 7s have to be handed over to a parent during daylight hours. Never known this is any of my local secondaries tbh.

clam · 05/10/2015 22:02

Good point, ladymuck. Don't most Year 7s get themselves home?

IguanaTail · 05/10/2015 22:04

Not necessarily after a trip. Depends on arrangements.

gandalf456 · 05/10/2015 22:06

They usually have bags or it's later so not always

Littleonesaid · 05/10/2015 22:09

YABU. the problem was caused by your phone being out of order, not by the school.

Perhaps you should have thanked them for staying back to look after your DD?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/10/2015 22:13

Oh op what a storm in a teacup. My DS got home early from his trip on Friday, school didn't even bother to text or email because they know most parents are on a schedule and will arrive at the agreed time, just like you did.

The DCs spent the half hour lolling around the playground on top of the sacks of wet clothes. DS did give me a row for being 'late' because he was hungry, but no biggie really.

Pipbin · 05/10/2015 22:30

I expect that the conversation between HoY and reception went something like this: 'I see OP's DD is still here', 'yes we've sent texts to her DF and DM but I've not heard anything back'. 'OK then, well give it until a little after 5 and give them a call.'
As for '73 other children blah blah'. Yes 73 other children, all as important and as precious as your DD. I'm assuming your DD is NT, other children in her year group may not be and might have needed extra help getting their stuff together, getting home etc. Every single one of those 73 children is as important to the teacher as your DD.

I can just imagine this post the other way round:

'DD came home an hour early from a school trip. The school texted me to say they were early but I was in a meeting/am a GP/am a train driver/am a nurse/work in a call centre and couldn't get away early or call the school. However, she had only been waiting for about 15 minutes when they started calling me demanding to know when I was going to pick her up. I couldn't get to my phone to return the call and neither can I drop everything to come and pick her up. We were told that the trip would be back at 5, I can't see why she couldn't wait in reception for an hour or so.'