AIBU/WIBU to have complained to the school?

[DarkBlueEyes]

First post in here, takes deep breath...

DD1 returned from a school trip on Friday. We were told to pick up at 5pm unless got a text to say otherwise. Stood by my phone all afternoon and was waiting at the secondary school at 4.59pm. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Asked for help in the school, no idea. Tried to phone another mum, my phone didn't work, so I rebooted it and headed towards another building. Phone rings with DH on the other end to ask if I was ok - HE had got the text at 3.45 pm to say they'd be back at 4 (half hour journey for us so even if I'd got it, I'd have been late), evidently I was the only one who didn't get the text.

DD1 had been sitting at reception with her friend for over an hour and NO STAFF MEMBER had thought to ring me or DH (sorry for shouty caps). I accept there was a technical hitch with my phone but think the school should have tried to phone us. Eventually at about 5.10 DD1 asked if she could use the school phone and phoned me (went straight to VM) and DH who then phoned me right back, worried I'd been in an accident (I am almost never late).

As we walked back to the car all the texts started to ping into my phone. I'm not cross that the text didn't reach me, shit happens. I am cross that DD1 and friend were waiting for over an hour and no one thought to call DH. Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands as it usually goes straight through to voice mail... WTF. Had long and very awkward conversation with head of year this morning who would not accept she should have/could have called DH, that my daughter was safe and she had 73 children to sort blah blah blah.

WIBU to expect the school to have called a parent when the other parent hadn't turned up as expected? Or do I have to just suck it up?

She eventually conceded she could have called DH. No apology. If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on. Now I'm still stewing. If only people knew how powerful "I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you and your daughter" could be....

DBE

I expect the only reason you got an apology is because you're one of 'those mothers'.

Saw the word Reception, thought you were talking about a five-year old, in which case there might be a slight cause for concern, but as your daughter is twelve, your arrogance is astonishing: 'she had 73 children to sort out blah blah blah.' How rude.

It was your phone which didn't work, remember.

You will now be noted as a difficult parent. Poor daughter.

Op, I have to say I sort of agree with most of the posters.
It pains me to say this a little as its hard to critise schools on this site.

However at the end of the day you were a worried parent and I feel she could have said more to help you calm down. A worried parent and customer. It wouldn.t have hurt.

YABU. They'd text you and your DH. It's not their fault your DH didn't think it might be a good idea to ring you.

They would have assumed you missed the message and would arrive at 5pm as per original plan . Was friend in same situation or were you collecting both?

even if it was a much younger child, it would not bother me at all

YY to that - my DS is 7 and the scenario you outline wouldn't bother me a jot. My only action would be to apologise profusely to the school for not getting the message (through a fault on my phone network/fault of my husband), thus inconveniencing them through having to look after my child.

Why didn't you go to reception to ask about the trip? If you had you would have found your daughter.
This

she's 12 or 13 then? Could she not have called you herself?

I can't see that you're being anything but unreasonable here. If I were the HOY I'd be thinking twice about taking any more trips if your daughter is taking part in them.

And yes - you seem to be one of those parents.

Can't see that the school did anything wrong. Your DH got the message but didn't act on it.

You say you asked for help in the school - was this not at the reception where your daughter was sat waiting?

rtft... honestly, 11-12yo, not a vulnerable child who found it difficult to wait, it's a small hiccup at worst. This is not a big deal.

The unexpected early arrival time was something the school would have sent texts about on the off-chance that there would be a few parents happy to come and get their child early.

In the days before mobiles all the kids would have just sat about until the 5pm time given in the original letter. The text was just a courtesy.

It was good of the school to try to give you all a heads up about the early return at all. Do you really expect the staff to then sit checking who has responded to which text and who hasn't then ring the ones who haven't up (who would most likely be at work) wondering why they hadn't turned up early?

She's 12 and she was sitting in the school office; they hadn't put her out with the milk bottles and gone home. If you hadn't showed up at 5; they'd no doubt have chased you properly.
As it was, there wasn't yet any cause for concern. Let it go already.

Most year 7s i know get themselves to and from school often using public transport your reaction is way OTT.

Good grief. I am taking 30 pupils away on Thursday. Our arrangements give a rough return time with pupils updating parents on return. Worst case scenario, I run them home. But....really? She was dry, safe, accompanied!

I think this is one of those situations where mobile phones make things worse not better.

Last trip dd went on (then age 13) they got back a bit earlier than planned so she just got her suitcase and took herself off home in her own without telling me. First I knew was when she came in the door half an hour earlier than the advertised arrival time. She had her phone but didn't think it necessary to phone me!

I mean this kindly but ..... is this your eldest child and your first experience of secondary school, three weeks in? You need to let it go or the next five years are going to be rather difficult.

At my DDs secondary they would have probably sent them home, not faffed about texting/ringing parents because they were back an hour earlier. Most of them get to and from school independently and it wouldn't matter if a parent was there or not.

I really don't see the issue. Ok there was a problem with the texts etc but your dd was waiting inside with the receptionist.

The bit about not worth calling dads would annoy me but having said that, your dh had the text and failed to pass on the message so maybe they have a point in your case! Year 7 can sit in reception without an adult surely?

My DS got dropped off from a residential break at 10.30 at night - drop off was originally expected at 9pm. No texts sent out to parents at all and they actually changed the entrance drop off. As they'd been on hols for four days DS had no charge on his phone. He and his pal walked round to the front entrance where they knew I would eventually show up...with not a peep from any of the teachers.

Because I hadn't received a text, I kept driving round to the school every half hour to make sure I hadn't missed a text and everytime there was no one there - no parents, no anyone...until 10.30 when two ragtag boys were standing in the dark waiting for me.

I was WELL PISSED OFF.

Sorry OP, I can understand that you must have been quite scared by the uncertainty of all this but really the villain of the piece is your phone. This sounds like the sort of thing that happens, unfortunately. I'd change network.