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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU/WIBU to have complained to the school?

225 replies

DarkBlueEyes · 05/10/2015 14:51

First post in here, takes deep breath...

DD1 returned from a school trip on Friday. We were told to pick up at 5pm unless got a text to say otherwise. Stood by my phone all afternoon and was waiting at the secondary school at 4.59pm. No sign of her. No sign of anyone. Asked for help in the school, no idea. Tried to phone another mum, my phone didn't work, so I rebooted it and headed towards another building. Phone rings with DH on the other end to ask if I was ok - HE had got the text at 3.45 pm to say they'd be back at 4 (half hour journey for us so even if I'd got it, I'd have been late), evidently I was the only one who didn't get the text.

DD1 had been sitting at reception with her friend for over an hour and NO STAFF MEMBER had thought to ring me or DH (sorry for shouty caps). I accept there was a technical hitch with my phone but think the school should have tried to phone us. Eventually at about 5.10 DD1 asked if she could use the school phone and phoned me (went straight to VM) and DH who then phoned me right back, worried I'd been in an accident (I am almost never late).

As we walked back to the car all the texts started to ping into my phone. I'm not cross that the text didn't reach me, shit happens. I am cross that DD1 and friend were waiting for over an hour and no one thought to call DH. Head of year 7 tells me that she doesn't usually bother to ring husbands as it usually goes straight through to voice mail... WTF. Had long and very awkward conversation with head of year this morning who would not accept she should have/could have called DH, that my daughter was safe and she had 73 children to sort blah blah blah.

WIBU to expect the school to have called a parent when the other parent hadn't turned up as expected? Or do I have to just suck it up?

She eventually conceded she could have called DH. No apology. If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on. Now I'm still stewing. If only people knew how powerful "I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you and your daughter" could be....

DBE

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/10/2015 15:59

It fucks me right off - I get all the admin emails and DH gets the bills even though it was my name and contact details on the billing form! So someone had to actively look for his contact details and change them over????

I also think you are over-reacting slightly. They gave an ambiguous return time so if you weren't there at the revised return time I'd have just assumed that you weren't available until 5pm and told your DD to wait at the school where-ever students are allowed to pass the time of day under normal circs to do homework or whatever. I doubt I'd have started calling you until it was time to lock up the school to be honest. [not a teacher admittedly]

If you were the only one not to get the message it wasn't the Vodafone network. I bet you have an iphone, this is always happening to me - I need to regularly reboot the stupid thing. It just disconnects from the network but to all intents and purposes seems to be fine.

Liomsa · 05/10/2015 16:03

Frankly, I would have been pointing out that, as my work and non-parenting life as easily as engrossing and important as DH's, perhaps she could check her retrograde opinions back into the 1950s.

Also, fifteen minutes' warning -if the text had gone through on time - would have been nowhere near enough for many parents to finish work and get to the school an hour early, surely? Were these easily-interruptable and perennially-available mothers just hanging around in the immediate vicinity of the school all afternoon, on the off chance of an early return?

PatriciaHolm · 05/10/2015 16:04

Thing is, you didn't "not turn up as expected".

If you hadn't turned up by 6ish I would have expected phone calls, but you turned up at the original time, which is what they would have expected at least some parents to do. A text when the time changes was all I would have expected them to bother with until quite a bit later.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2015 16:04

So the school phoned and texted an adult on the contact list...and you're pissed off they didn't contact you? How?

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 16:18

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Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 16:26

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noblegiraffe · 05/10/2015 16:27

Your DD is at secondary school now. You need to amend your expectations. Children are expected to be far more robust, a child sat for an hour in reception waiting for a parent is not an emergency that would require teachers to be flapping around phoning parents over.

ghostspirit · 05/10/2015 16:29

seems a bit odd to blame the school when the issue was with your phone :/ and its not like the school kicked her out on the street

Dancergirl · 05/10/2015 16:29

Makes me wonder what our parents did in the olden days before mobile phones when dc got back from school trips....?

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 16:29

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2015 16:31

I mean, how were the school to know that your phone was playing up? Or that your DH was too half soaked to call you?

Dancergirl · 05/10/2015 16:31

Exactly noble if she'd been left in the street outside the school with no-one around I might have had something to say. But she was safely inside the school building with staff members around.

OP, what exactly is your worry with dd being left like that?

RiverTam · 05/10/2015 16:33

I would just make sure that you and your DH have a system whereby if one gets a message they ensure that the other has it too.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 05/10/2015 16:41

I'm taking a trip tomorrow. I hope we're not back early.

SaucyJack · 05/10/2015 16:43

TBH I'd have been quite pleased that they hadn't rung me 5 mins after the revised time demanding to know why I hadn't magicked meself there an hour early than previously expected with very little notice.

But I'm a lazy scutter Wink

PacificMouse · 05/10/2015 16:43

I wouldn't be that bothered as you were there for pick up at the agreed time, however, schools (primary or secondary) DO ask for several tel numbers as contact. Our secondary certainly have asked for both tel number of myself and DH, at home AND at work, AND mobile numbers.
I would have thought that this is to ensure that the school can ring a parent if needed (therefore trying ALL the different tel numbers)

This idea that they wouldn't even try a dad make me cringe A LOT. First because it's sexists, second because they would probably be able to speak to DH but not me when we are both at work....

I also have an issue with the 'I had 73 other children to sort out' when clearly, one hour later, there was only TWO children left to deal with.

Floggingmolly · 05/10/2015 16:51

They texted the Dad... Confused

tiggytape · 05/10/2015 16:52

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GobbolinoCat · 05/10/2015 16:58

I just wonder though if they couldnt have been more kind about it?

noblegiraffe · 05/10/2015 17:06

The OP was all panicked about it, and is wanting the school to take responsibility for her panic. But it wasn't their fault, it was her phone's fault. They sent a message, then got on with the rest of their jobs. A random phone breakdown couldn't have reasonably been anticipated.

Egosumquisum · 05/10/2015 17:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 05/10/2015 17:27

The HOY probably conceded it to get rid of her.

LadyLonely1 · 05/10/2015 17:29

Your dd is old enough to think a little more? Had the thought not crossed her mind to contact her father? She's not a little baby.

ItchyArmpit · 05/10/2015 17:34

YABU, sorry.

Essentially, you were annoyed with the school because your phone didn't work.

I don't understand why you think the school should have phoned your DH. They'd already texted the both of you, and, by your own account, you arrived earlier than the originally stated pickup time anyway. Your DD was being supervised by a member of staff the entire time.

If she'd said in the first 30 seconds that she was sorry and she should have called I'd have said thanks very much and moved on.

So, basically, you had a 'very long' conversation with this professional because you wanted her to look after your feelings. Please grow up, and recognise that apologising to you for not-actually-doing-anything-wrong is not more important than "73 children blah blah blah".

laughingatweather · 05/10/2015 17:39

The comment about 'not bothering to contact Dads' is annoying but the fact is on this occasion they DID contact your DH.

And he got the message. He just didn't do anything about it.

Why aren't you cross with him that he obviously assumed that as the Mum, YOU were sorting all this out?.